The 1 AM Movie Review: 3 Idiots

Oh, how I LOVED this movie.  It had so much hype - "highest grossing Bollywood movie of all time", and yet I just couldn't decide if the story line seemed appealing.  I haven't loved everything I've seen with Aamir Khan (Fanaa was well done, but so, so dark), and they seemed old for the premise of the movie...but I love Shah Rukh Khan, right?  So who am I to judge if someone's too old to play a role in a Bollywood film?  So, when I found out that my regular Netflix dose of SRK was going to be delayed a bit and that you could watch 3 Idiots in HD on YouTube, I said what the hell.


So, so glad I did.  This movie was as funny as hell, totally moving, paced beautifully; in short, a gem.  Aamir Khan was completely adorable in this sort of Tom Hanks character, and R. Madhavan was utterly fantastic as Farhan.  Sharman Joshi, completely unfamiliar to me before this movie, gave what might have been the show-stealing performance as anxiety-riddled Raju.  His "awakening" scene was, quite simply, breathtaking.  I cried, a LOT, during this movie: at times with aching sorrow, at time with profound joy. 

This movie has the best moments of "The Hangover", "There's Something About Mary", "Back to School", and "Legally Blonde", played in a completely original way.  In any language, this movie is a classic must-see film.  WATCH IT!

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Day 49 - 267: Forward Motion

It's an odd little milestone: today, I passed by the "standing weight" of the last year. At the not-exactly-svelte weight of 267 pounds, I am now losing old weight instead of new. Silly, right? And yet, somehow, it's important. I feel like today I started the real work of weight loss. Hopefully, I won't resign the post tomorrow. Just one more day, just one more day...

Breakfast - breakfast casserole with no crust or potatoes, which is AWESOME...you don't see that often at a faculty luncheon. Holla, PTA!!!
Lunch - another helping of casserole ;D
Dinner - grilled chicken breast

Exercise - Bollywood jam: it is time to mix up the routine. I am watching 3 Idiots at the moment (more on that later), and thinking I might want to try "Aal Izz Well". We'll see...

Day 48 - 268: Let's Hear it for Butt Sag

Background knowledge for later: I eanted SO BADLY to eat like 2 quarts of pasta last night. Now, onto the story:

In late June, at the worst of my size and self-esteem, I went shopping. There was an Avenue shop going out of business, and my girlfriend and I went to scope out the deals. I like a wide-leg trouser style jean (thank you, five years of Stacy London telling me What Not to Wear), and there was a lovely dark wash pair in a 26. Not exactly petite, right? So I haul on these jeans and they are...too tight. Not by much, but by enough for me to think, "If I lose a few pounds, they'll be cute." A SIZE 26. What the hell was I on? Fat girl reality check: NO clothing is cute in a size 26. NONE. Nevertheless, I buy them.

Fast forward to today: we've sort of reached dry cleaning critical mass, and I'm digging through the bowels of my pant section for work-appropriate pants that fit. I unearth these trouser pants and think, "eh. What the hell. Let's give it a go.". I put on these same "maybe if I lose some weight" jeans, and lo and behold...

I belted those damn jeans up and wore them to school just so I could show them to EVERYONE. Boo-yah. Tonight, when I got home, I looked into the nemesis that is my pantry, and I smiled. Bowl of pasta...not to-DAY, baby. Not today.

Breakfast - the latte
Lunch - broccoli and almonds
Dinner - Swiss cheese and two slider patties

Exercise - Bollywood jam with my older son

Still fat, still struggling. Tomorrow could break me. But, tonight...peace.

Day 47 - 270: tough one

Breakfast - coffee, not a latte, almonds
Lunch - smoked oysters and almonds
Dinner - almonds and Swiss cheese with mustard

Exercise - Jazzercise. Eh.

Craving an insanely large bowl of fettuccine with pesto...pray for me please, Universe...

Day 46 - 270.5: Lost in Translation

Today was a breakthrough and a reality check on the Hindi front. This evening as I was working out, my older son came in and started to jam with me. Soon enough my younger son joined in and we were bustin' moves and belting out Hindi lyrics. We've practiced as we looked at the lyrics, so the pronunciation is pretty damn good. So we're awesome, right? Sure, until they start asking, "what does 'tujh' mean, Mom?". Okay - this is not such a simple question. I spent over an hour trying to run this word through translators...nothing. I did find out that the statement "tujh mein" means "inside you" (maybe) from some obscure response on Answers.com, then a very cerebral, challenging, albeit informative discussion thread on a WordReference.com forum. So, some sort of reflexive verb forms...who knows? Not me, that's for sure. I am more resolved than ever to get my Rosetta Stone on and work it.

Anyhoo....

Breakfast - the latte and a handful of almonds
Lunch - same as yesterday
Dinner - same as yesterday

Exercise - a seriously gratifying Bollywood jam with my sons. Mom's brainwashing initiative is a unqualified success....HADIPPA!!!!!

Day 45 - 270.5: Say Hello to my Little Friends

Students returned to school today.  The day went fairly well: nothing unexpected, but the usual exhaustion by midday.  When students left in the afternoon, my principal invited us to leave early.  Oh, how I wanted to come home and collapse on the couch.  This is such a draining day.  But...I didn't do it.  I hauled my tired, achy self to Jazzercise, realizing when I arrived that along with my new students, my other "little friend" had arrived.  Ah, well - it makes me feel less like putting the scale through the bathroom window.

I missed my Bollywood today.  Jazzercise did the job and all, but I really needed a fix.  So, I turned up my radio to immaturely loud and belted "Piya", "Main Hoon Na", and "Ghum Shuda", and the always-puts-me-in-a-better-mood "Chammak Challo" just as loud as I possibly could on the ride home.  Then, because I just couldn't help it, I jumped out of the car and did a little "Tumse Milke Dil Ka Jo Haal" for the neighborhood.  Trust me when I tell you, I enjoyed it MUCH more than they.

Breakfast - "the" latte
Lunch - grilled chicken breast and celery
Dinner - grilled chicken breast, beef patty, blue cheese

Exercise - aforementioned Jazzercise and spontaneous Bollywood one person flash mob in the driveway 

An afterthought....not too many years ago I looked like this:

 

Now, that's a realistic goal, right?

Day 43 - 269.5: Get Up OFF Me, People

I attended a friend's birthday party today, and it was an exercise in resistance. The pita and hummus looked delicious as always, and my friend had a decadent amaretto birthday cake. And yet, the temptation didn't come from the food: it came from the people around me. All night, during every course, it was and endless litany of "are you sure you cam't have just one bite?" and "Come on, Julia, it's SO good."

Why do people think they have to do that? Here's a fat girl reality check - moderation is a choice. Giving in to pressure from others is weakness. . People can't seem to resist pushing others off of the wagon, but it's no excuse. So, I said, "no". And when pushed, I reminded everyone that not having cake was a choice...one that I can live with.

Breakfast - the latte and a handful of almonds
Lunch - scrambled eggs
Dinner - Greek salad and beef/chicken shwarama with green beans

Exercise - 1 hr Jazzercise

Day 42 - 269.5: Tired to the Point of Comatose

I let this day become not mine, and I feel the worse for it right now. This will continue to be one of my great struggles: how do I stay focused on what I need in a world clamoring for "just a minute" or "just this one quick thing"? It's clear from today that I don't have a good answer to this just now. I didn't work out, and I feel shitty about it. I know that now I need to put that out I my head and face tomorrow, but...I hear that voice, that small, ugly drone:

"Forty-one days, and you fall off now? How pathetic. Why bother? You can't commit. You'll fail, like you always do. Stop fooling yourself. You were meant to die too fat, too young..."

That voice - it's my albatross, my burden, my own personal demon sent from the depths of my scarred heart. How do you ignore your own whispering mind? I hope with my bellowing, singing, Bollywood-dancing heart.

Maiṁ yaha kara sakatā hai. Mērā dila rāstā mila jā'ēgā.

Day 41 - 269: a Quickie

Worked a gazillion hours today, but still came home and had a mini workout.

Breakfast - "the usual" latte
Lunch - BMT salad from Subway
Dinner - rest of the leftover Buffalo wings

BTW...gratuitous SRK photo...that 1990's preppy boy with the Gap hoodie, the puffy hair, and the "come hither" look? Damn. Just, damn.

The 1 AM Movie Review - Karan Arjun

Holy crap. You know how you watch "Rambo" and "Die Hard" and think to yourself, "These two guys should be in a movie together: it would exponentially increase the 'badass' factor"? Well, this movie is that, old-school Bollywood style. It had everything: Salman Khan at his muscle-bound best, a pudgy (I mean, by comparison) yet insanely yummy Shah Rukh Khan looking like he's going to eat Kajol like a tasty snack, hangin'-by-a-wire ninja moves, Terminator music, James Bond music, Jeep AND horse riding criminals with swords, boys who love their mommy... you name it, they've tossed it in here.

The dance scene to "Bhangra Paale" is joyous to the point of blinding, and the "Jaati Hoon Main" number...like I said, it's classic Shah Rukh Khan desperate, teasing Bollywood sexuality that just makes you shiver and ache.

Don't get me wrong. Some of this 1995 movie is painful in ways only Bollywood can be - the evil son-in-law? To coin his phrase, "What a joke." Much of the fighting is overblown and gratuitously violent, although I gotta hand it to them: the shooting through the hand thing? That's greatness.

Bottom line: if you're a true fan of either of these Khans, you're gonna dig this movie. I'm giving it two bicep curls and a pelvic thrust.

Day 40 - 268.5

About fifteen pounds...it finally feels like progress. I'm still trying to just focus on daily habits, because each day will be harder now that I'm back to work. Just today: Two different people tried to ply me with various treats during professional development, and I again had to resist the temptation to skip Jazzercise and go collapse when PD ended early. Last night, I staged a mental game of chicken with my conscience until 10:45 PM, when I finally got back out of bed to work out. They say that it takes 21 consecutive days to create habits, but at day 40 it still seems so easy to just stop what I've been doing and go back. Seems to me, rather, that the formation of a new habit is proportional to the time you spent with the old one. I've had poor eating and exercise habits consistently for about 6 years, so you do the math. Suffice it to say, I'm not depending on habit to see me through just yet.

Breakfast - handful of almonds and grande breve sugar-free caramel latte - the "car bucket" of almonds has been a saving grace in times is temptation.
Lunch - cup of Tom Kha Gai soup and Thai spicy chicken salad (not what I ordered, but good)
Dinner - TBD, probably leftover wings

Exercise - Jazzercise

Evening plans - watch Shah Rukh Khan's abs over and over again on Dard-e-Disco...a girl can dream, right????? (cue long, swooning sigh...)

Day 39 - 270

I had every intention of posting yesterday, then feel asleep without warning like a narcoleptic. I watched the movie "Chalte Chalte", and it was so emotionally draining that I'm sure it contributed to the crash and burn. (I cried for like half of the movie.)

Yesterday:
Breakfast - almonds and a sugar- free caramel breve latte
Lunch - rib eye Caesar salad from Fuddrucker's (actually very good - I recommend it)
Dinner - two blue cheese sliders with ranch
Exercise - Jazzercise...I almost convinced myself not to go, but then I toughed it out. Pat on the back.

Today:
Breakfast - one blue cheese slider, coffee with sugar-free creamer
Lunch - 1/2 a Fuzzy's pork salad
Dinner - about 8 Buffalo wings (cheap wing Tuesday, you know...)
Exercise - plan to go home and bust out some Bollywood - wish me strength...

Day 37 - 271

Slow day....one high point: a day free of all-day sweating at work, thank heaven. Fat girl, heal thyself.

I substituted 3 hours of Bollywood movie watching for three hours with my beloved Steelers. They're killin' me, I gotta tell ya. Anyhoo...

Breakfast - 6 Buffalo wings and celery
Snack - 1/4 almonds
Lunch - rotisserie chicken; crab salad (not yummy; I'll be passing on that from now on)
Dinner - more rotisserie chicken

Exercise - 40 minutes of Bollywood jam

I'm going to go watch "Main Hoon Na" to gear me up for the week. Those dimples of Shah Rukh Khan's...how can you not smile? "Chalte Chalte" came in the mail, so maybe there's a 1 AM Movie Review in the offing this week.

Day 36 - 272: just, Eeeeewwww.

Another day working in a building with no AC...I'm dyin', here. Fat girl reality check: sweat is not your friend. I'm not talking about, "Man, what a great, sweaty workout! Let's hit the shower."  I mean day after day, hour upon hour of every single square inch of skin dripping. There are not enough lotions, powders, antiperspirants, or cold packs in the known universe to keep a fat girl from becoming an itchy, burning, achy mess. I know - it's not a pretty image, but let's face it: being fat isn't pretty.

Yesterday - worked out, stayed on the diet, just fell asleep before blogging.

Breakfast - 6 Buffalo wings and blue cheese
Lunch - skipped (I know, I KNOW.)
Dinner - ate at III Forks: shrimp appetizer, wedge salad, 7oz. Filet; skipped the cream corn, peas, mashed potatoes, and dessert
After dinner - coffee with a shot of Bailey's

Exercise (at 11:00 at night, thank you very much!) - standard Bollywood workout

I am so, so ready to stop sweating.

Day 34 - 273: And Sometimes it Isn't

My classroom was sweltering yet again today.  We've had no air conditioning in the classroom areas of the building for over two weeks, and the heat is just ridiculous.  Even with the past two days of cloud cover, the room is sticky, humid, and just unbearable.  I started sweating at 8:45 AM, did so constantly until one blessed hour of lunch.  Then, I sweated some more (correction: a LOT more) until 6:45 PM.  By the time I got home I felt like a salt-crusted pork loin.  NOT theraputic sweat whatsoever.  All I wanted was to be clean and cool.  So what did I do?  I came home and did 45 minutes of Bollywood jam...'cause THAT'S how I roll nowadays, baby.

Breakfast - 1/2 C almonds
Lunch - steak fajitas, no beans, rice, or tortillas
Dinner - 1/2 C almonds, 4 oz swiss cheese with brown mustard

Exercise - 45 minutes of "punch through the pain" workout:  I wanted to pass out, but I felt like a superhero when I finished.  (Little tidbit:  Shah Rukh Khan is a bit of a superhero fanatic - that's sort of adorable.)

Still no weight of, but I almost don't care anymore - I KNOW I'm getting it right for the first time in a very long time.  And tomorrow, I'm going to get it right one more time...you know why.

Day 33 - 273: Sometimes Sweat is Good for the Soul

I felt like arse today. I was achy, shaky, and queasy; as a bonus, my ankles and feet were swollen with edema to twice their size. In the immortal words of Lord Jimmy Buffett, "It's my own damn fault." in any event, I digress....

I have never really gotten the whole "exercise endorphin high" thing. I mean, I like to dance, and I love the music, but it's still exercise, you know? But today, today - 20 minutes in, and that edema is coming out of every pore on my body. I'm wondering if I'm going to collapse, or barf, or both. Suddenly, I feel this TSUNAMI of joy came over me. I laughed out loud, because I couldn't help it, then I sobbed, just once, from the incandescent feeling. I don't if it will happen again, but I do know that for one shining moment, I felt utter joy.

Breakfast - 1/2 c almonds
Snack - grande sugar-free cinnamon dolce breve latte (no whip)
Lunch - 1/4 C almonds
Dinner - ceviche and 1/2 order of fajitas, no rice, beans or tortillas

Like to lose some actual weight, here....

Day 32 - 275

I'm sitting @ a country dancing club sort of wondering what the hell I'm doing here. It's free shuffle lessons night. It's pretty basic, and I have no problem managing a couple o passes across the dance floor. But I'm thinking to myself, "Why am I here?" When I dance to "Marjaani Marjaani" or "Tumke Milke Dil Ka Jo Haal", I feel utter joy. This country shuffling, with move your feet but keep everything else still, it's just stifling. Where is a bar that busts out with "Dard E Disco"? I feel like a stranger in paradise.

Breakfast - 1/4 C cashews
Lunch - 2 pieces KFC chicken side of green beans
Dinner - 1/2 C almonds and several vodkas

Exercise - a MUCH better 40 minutes of Bollywood! My husband and I rearranged the furniture, and what a difference.

Where is a Bollywood flash mob when you need it????!

Day 31 - 276

What is there to say, really? It sucks.

Breakfast - 1/4 C cashews
Lunch - 1/2 of a Fuzzy's salad
Dinner - mushroom fish again

Exercise - Bollywood workout...didn't go well out in the family room this morning. I was too worried about making noise and I couldn't get into it. Then I sweat for 4 hours checking computers at school. Good times.

To console myself, I'm watching Billu Barber. How the hell does Shah Rukh Khan make a sparkly silver v-neck look sexy? It's one of life's mysteries....

Day 30 - Damn, I'm tired of this

I didn't post yesterday out of sheer pissed-offness over my weigh in - 274.5, thinking that it was just a fluke, and that everything would be better today.  I've done everything right - exercised every day, sometimes twice a day.  Eliminated carbs almost entirely, watched my portion control for the most part, definitely kept it under 1600 calories a day.  I should be making regular progress, right?

Wrong, wrong, EFFING WRONG.  I get on the scale today - 277.  WHAT??????  How is that possible?  How can I possibly be back up to 277?  I know that daily fluctuations are common, which is why the "experts" say not to weigh every day.  I get that, really.  But 6 damn pounds?  Where's the justice in that?  How can I stay motivated with these kinds of results?  I guess by remembering that if I don't keep at it, I'll be dead. 

It's just that, while the stick is certainly a motivator, we all like the carrot:  cute clothes, self-confidence, sense of accomplishment.  I want my carrot, damn it all.

Breakfast - 1/4 C cashews
Lunch - 8 oz. italian beef and 1/4 C hot peppers (no bun)
Dinner - 8 oz. "Mushroom Fish" (whitefish in sour cream sauce)
Like 6 gallons of water

Exercise - AM:  35 minutes of Bollywood (loving the new song from Main Hoon Na, "Tumse Milke Dil Ka Jo Haal" - those hand motions that Amrita Rao is doing are nutty.  I'm not sure how I'm ever going to learn them; but, it's such a fun work out, and of course yummy Shah Rukh Khan is as sexy as ever, which makes it all that much more fun to work out to the YouTube video!)
PM:  another 45 minutes of Bollywood, because I was so frustrated over the scale.  Better that than eat a pint of ice cream, I suppose.

Please, Lord, give me the strength to keep going one more day.

Day 28 - 272.5 and a big, fat reality check

My cousin died today. Apparently he was having chest pains last night and was rushed to the hospital where he had a stint put in. His parents, wife and children were told that the surgery went well. My aunt and uncle went home, and when they arrived back at the hospital this morning, he had died. Just like that - 50 years old, and gone. My aunt collapsed in the hospital, according to my mom, out of her mind with grief. His brothers are both being rounded up from out of the country - his younger brother and his identical twin. I remember being in his wedding - he was enormously tall, gawkish, nervous, and just a lovely, brilliant soul. His death is like a gunshot through the heart of my mother's family. She's flying home for the funeral - she hasn't been back in several years. How I wish for them all that it wasn't under such circumstances.

While I was talking to my mom, I started to sob. I told her that I didn't want her collapsing in the hospital because she'd outlived her daughter. And make no mistake: that is exactly where I'm headed if I fail this time. I'm pre-diabetic, I have high cholesterol, high blood pressure, poor circulation, ridiculous varicose veins, sleep apnea - all from being fat. I will not live another ten years, of that I have absolutely no doubt, if I can't make this change. So, when I feel like eating a bowl of pasta, or skipping my workout, I'm going to try to remember how I feel right now. The Bollywood movie reviews, the dancing, the music, and the Hindi are fun and fulfilling, but it's not why I'm here, typing in a blog that absolutely no one reads. I want to see my parents live to the end of their long lives. I want to see my sons turn in to the men they are destined to be. I want to see my beloved husband grow old and gray and withered, and grow that way right along with him. I am going to get up tomorrow and do this...cause I've gotta.

The 1 AM Movie Review - Duplicate and Main Hoon Na

I had high hopes for "Duplicate", despite the horrible reviews I had read in other places. It seemed like a fun premise: sweet and innocent chef's identity gets co-opted by insane felon on the lamb. Bollywood gold, right?

Wrong. Oh, so very wrong. First off, the elephant in the room. That tongue affectation - just eeew, eeeewwwww, EEEEEWWWWWWW. I get that the point was to make him the least desirable of the two sides, but really? There had to have been a better way. It speaks to my over-arching view of the film: I didn't think it was possible to make Shah Rukh Khan so unappealing, but this film managed to do it twice. The silly mama's boy Babloo could not possibly, possibly have been appealing to a female lead, and despite a valiant effort on the part of Juhi Chawla, the romance fell utterly flat. Manu, instead of being scary (and let me tell you, SRK can be damn effin' scary - please refer back to my review of "Darr") was merely pervy and overblown. This was an epic fail: a rare "absolutely don't bother" from King Khan.


On the other hand...

"Main Hoon Na" was a homerun in every way. A long-lost brother, bad-ass action hero, Animal House party, hot-for-teacher romance: there's just no down side. Even the "might be silly" action sequences were saved by an authentic joy that pervades the film. The supporting relationship between Lucky (Zayed Khan) and Sanjana (Amrita Rao) is sweet and sentimental without being vapid. Miss Universe 1994 Sushmita Sen is lovely, desirable, and just remote enough to make Ram's violin serenades comedy gold. And SRK: well, what can you say? This is the star we love at his dancing, crying, arms-outreached best. He is spot-on funny: the spit-avoidance Matrix move? I don't care who you are - that's a riot. He is earnestly appealing in his relationships: who could resist that hand reaching down from the rope? Combine those qualities with yummy-nerd wardrobe & the signature dancing that we all know and love, and you get a delicious, sexy hero that is profoundly swoon-worthy. The "schoolyard scene" of the title track - I must admit that it makes me cry a little. That is definitely, at the moment, my favorite song. So, we have a "must-miss" and a "can't-miss". I spent three hours looking for the no-pirated, original two-disc version of Main Hoon Na: holla to Rangeela DVD of Ocala, Florida and TheIndiaBazaar.com for making it happen. I know what I'll be watching the next time I need a boost...

Day 27 - 271

Maybe it's not a fluke, which would be great. I'm working student registration today at a table by myself, and I've had no customers whatsoever. I'm absolutely dying of boredom. I took a shot of my silk poncho and bangles to pass the time. Channeling my inner Kajol...

Breakfast - 3 oz. steak
Lunch - not yet

Exercise - did my Bollywood routine: I added Main Hoon Na (maybe my new favorite song!) and Tumse Milke Dil Ka Jo Haal (same movie) - it was good to add something new to the mix, and Shah Rukh Khan is INSANELY hot in them (more on that later).

Day 26 - 273

This was most likely 2.5 pounds of water weight. I did a truly brutal hour of Jazzercise (props to teacher Debra, by the way), then I sweat my ASS off working in a building with no AC for 5 hours. Nonetheless, I couldn't help but let out an enormous "YYYESSSSS!!!!" when I stood on the scale. My son came running in to see what the hell was wrong with me. Water weight or no, a weigh-in like that can't help but make you believe again. In that moment, I could have Jazzercised another two hours. I could have flown. I started this journey because I have no choice - succeed or die. Today, I feel like living.

Exercise - above
Breakfast - 3 oz. steak and coffee
Lunch - skipped while sweating (not a good decision)
Snack - Sonic Diet Limeade
Dinner - 10 oz. steak with horseradish sour cream and 1 cup raw spinach

A quick P.S. - I had my Bollywood CRANKIN' at school today. The custodians were dancing in the hall all afternoon, and my next door neighbor thanked me for the "inspirational music to work by". But the best part? I spent 5 sweaty hours doing thankless drudge work for no pay, and I felt joy doing it. That hasn't happened in a while.

P.P.S. - to Karen, who will probably never see this - thank you. Your presence in my life means more than you can possibly know.

Equal Time

To the man in my life long before Shah Rukh...I love you.

Day 25 - 275.5

Anniversary or not, today is a new chance to do it right or f&*k it up. I chose to walk to the side of angels:

Exercise - 45 minutes of the Bollywood Bomb

Breakfast - 1/2 of an IHOP spinach, swiss, mushroom, chicken, egg white omelette
Lunch - other half
Dinner - burger patty and a few bites of steak

My husband loves me so much that he promises not to have his feelings hurt now that I'm in love with Shah Rukh Khan! Seriously, though - I watched King Khan's talk at Yale, and I thought it was fascinating...not to mention that he is rockin' the glasses, baby.

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Happy Anniversary - a Good Day to Look Forward

Anniversaries look back in time. For good or ill, we see what used to be. I remember that day with complete joy, but the trip back to today becomes even more painful. What the hell happened?

But as I've said, that will get me nowhere. Today I have the chance to honor that girl of the past with the woman of today. Non-Bollywood moment: This song speaks to me. Shake off the guilt...

Shake It Out
By Florence and the Machine

Regrets collect like old friends
Here to relive your darkest moments
I can see no way, I can see no way
And all of the ghouls come out to play

And every demon wants his pound of flesh
But I like to keep some things to myself
I like to keep my issues drawn
It's always darkest before the dawn

And I've been a fool and I've been blind
I can never leave the past behind
I can see no way, I can see no way
I'm always dragging that horse around

Our love is questioned, such a mournful sound
Tonight I'm gonna bury that horse in the ground
So I like to keep my issues drawn
But it's always darkest before the dawn

Shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, ooh whoa
Shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, ooh whoa
And it's hard to dance with a devil on your back
So shake him off, oh whoa

And I am done with my graceless heart
So tonight I'm gonna cut it out and then restart
'Cause I like to keep my issues drawn
It's always darkest before the dawn

Shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, ooh whoa
Shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, ooh whoa
And it's hard to dance with a devil on your back
So shake him off, oh whoa

And it's hard to dance with a devil on your back
And given half the chance would I take any of it back
It's a fine romance but it's left me so undone
It's always darkest before the dawn

Oh whoa, oh whoa...

And I'm damned if I do and I'm damned if I don't
So here's to drinks in the dark at the end of my road
And I'm ready to suffer and I'm ready to hope
It's a shot in the dark aimed right at my throat
'Cause looking for heaven, found the devil in me
Looking for heaven, found the devil in me
Well what the hell I'm gonna let it happen to me, yeah

Shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, ooh whoa
Shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, ooh whoa
And it's hard to dance with a devil on your back
So shake him off, oh whoa

Shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, ooh whoa
Shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, ooh whoa
And it's hard to dance with a devil on your back
So shake him off, oh whoa
Florence & The Machine - 'Shake It Out (The Weeknd remix)

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Day 24 - 275.5

I had to work all day today, which meant a 10:00 workout. I don't recommend that - I'll probably be giving the 3 AM movie review tonight.

Breakfast - breve from Starbucks
Lunch - the toppings from 3 slices of pizza and lettuce
Dinner - about 10 oz of pot roast with spinach/arugula salad

My anniversary begins in 1 minute. This is a shot of me 19 years ago. I look at her and see yesterday. She'd look at me and say, "Who IS that fat old lady?" That's certainly enough incentive to go one more day. I'd like her to see me at 20 years and say,"Hey! I know you!"

Day 23 - 276

I'm very tired, so I'll be quick.

Breakfast - coffee (I know - shut up.)
Lunch - salad with spinach & arugula, seasoned chicken, blue cheese, oil, and vinegar
Dinner - about 12 ounces of southwestern pot roast with cheese and sour cream
Snack - 2 Campari tomatoes

Exercise - Bollywood YouTube blow out - I think I'm going to switch out Luck Aazma with Phir Milenge Calte Chalte - I'm missing it!

P.S. don't lie - he's pretty gorgeous, huh?

The 1 AM Movie Review - Darr

After I watched "Rab be Bana di Jodi" and fell a little in love with Shah Rukh Khan, I looked around on Netflix streaming to see if I could find another movie. Along with yummy sweet movies like "Mohabbetein" and "DDLJ", I saw the movie "Darr". I put it off over and over thinking I wouldn't much enjoy it, a sort of "Sleeping with the Enemy" meets "Cape Fear" situation. But tonight, bored with the Olympics and feeling a little naughty, I decided, "what the hell" and turned it on.

Man, oh MAN, am I ever glad I did. The relationship between Juhi Chawla and Sunny Deol was pretty standard Bollywood smoosh, and the Navy SEAL-style rescue scene, complete with co-opted "Top Gun" music, was hilarious to a jaded American movie-goer like me. But none of that mattered, I mean none of it, in the face of an utterly, deliciously insane Shah Rukh Khan. I was entranced by his aching, visceral portrayal of Rahul: it was like watching Tom Hanks play Jack Torrance in "The Shining". It was creepily, shockingly sexy. And, despite all of the trite silliness around it, it was indeed pretty damn scary. I found myself more than once overcome with graveyard giggles while my mind tried to sort out how he could be so sweet and so sick all at once.

So there you have it - Shah Rukh Khan played perfectly the psycho in "Darr". It's worth suffering through the rest to see him do it.

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Day 22 - 277

A couple of days ago, when someone asked me in passing how my weight loss was going, I lied. I told them that I'd lost about 15 pounds. How stupid. It's not as if there is any shame in the truth. I've worked out virtually every day (twice today, in fact), stayed on the eating plan pretty damn faithfully. I've only lost a couple of pounds, but not because I'm not giving it the effort. I suppose the lie is a reflection of my issues: my shame at being so fat, my impatience with enacting lifestyle change, my fear of failing yet again at this. Well, I'm telling you the truth right here - I've lost maybe 5 pounds in the last 3 weeks. I'm frustrated, I'm angry, I'm confused, but I am NOT giving up today. Check with me again tomorrow.

Breakfast - half of an IHOP egg white steak omelette
Lunch - other half of the omelette
Snack - 2 TBS peanut butter

Exercise - 1 hour Jazzercise, then 35 minutes of Bollywood jam.

The 1 AM Movie Review - Om Shanti Om

If you happened to see my post from earlier in the day, you'll know that I was in a bad place. I'm sorry to say that the day did not improve much - until my treasure arrived in the mail from Netflix. Honestly, I wasn't at all sure how I would like this film: the plot seemed a little dark and convoluted, and the late 1970's? I just wasn't feeling it.

How COLOSSALLY delighted I am that I did not take this movie off of my queue! Despite the dark moments (and a few were VERY), the movie had fantastic humor, witty references, and epic dance numbers, one of which was an 8-minute homage to Shah Rukh Khan's utterly delicious abdomen. If he's not an endorsement of crunches, I simply don't know what is.

It was sexy as hell, it was romantic and warm, and the bad guy got his in a BIG WAY at the end. What's the down side?? I ordered my own copy of this film while the credits were still running. A big "hell to the YEAH" for this film - Om Shanti Om.

PS - Did I mention that Shah Rukh Khan's body looked just RIDICULOUS in this movie? I'm still hyperventilating...maybe I'll lose a couple pounds of water weight from having "the vapors" and pouring out buckets of flop sweat.

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Day 21 - are you freakin' kidding me????? 276

Is my scale broken or WHAT? What bullshit. AAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

What is there to say??? One more day....

Breakfast - margarita cheesecake cream from yesterday. Shut up.
Lunch - leftover fajita meat.

Exercise - 35 minutes of my YouTube Bollywood playlist

Man, I am so PISSED OFF right now. Please....strength for one more day. I'm hungry, and I'm about to go to the kitchen....please oh please oh please....

Day 20(ish) - 276

Olympic gymnastics watching marathon...I'm exhausted just from watching, so I'll keep it brief.

Breakfast - picked at the fajita meat
Lunch - fajita salad: no cheating
Dessert - Margarita cheesecake cream

Recipe:
2 pkg. Crystal Light Margarita mix for bottles, 2 pkg. Splenda, 2TBS water, mix. Add 1 pint whipping cream and whip to soft peaks. Add TOTALLY softened pkg. cream cheese and blend until smooth. Scoop into 6 1/2 cup ramekins and chill overnight. Serve with Redi-whip.

Dinner - fajita meat and cheese

Exercise - not really; bustled around a lot hostessing

Have I mentioned how much I LOVE the song Chammak Challo? Just tossing' out there, shawty...

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Day 19 - 277

There is always a thread loose in the fabric of my life. When I've had my physical health under control, I've spent my family into ridiculous debt. When I concentrated on my education, my health went out the window. When I focus on one thing, another unravels. It's not an excuse - people everywhere do more with less every day. I am gifted with a great life, a worthwhile career, a stunningly beautiful family. I have motive, means, and opportunity to do right by myself and by the world. I don't know exactly what about me fails to rise to the challenge: is it an inherent laziness? Is it an unconscious sabotage from a poor self-esteem? Who knows. What I do know is that tomorrow is the first real test of my resolve, and I worry. I'm having a back-to-school lunch for my team (there's the worthy career), and I know that while they mean to be so supportive, they can be a hotbed of enabling. I've planned to make fajita salad - it seems a good compromise between what "regular people" eat and what I am trying to eat. I'm offering chips and salsa, which I must resist. I'm also offering wine, which is also a no-no. I hope that by writing it here, by giving voice to the temptation, that the universe will support me for one more day.

Dinner last night - pesto baked chicken
Breakfast - cheese (eewww, I know)
Lunch - steak bites with horseradish sour cream
Dinner - more lunch

Exercise - danced about 25 minutes to my iPad music mix today: Bollywood/dance/R&B favorites, including my boys Usher and Chris Brown, some Gaga, and the cannot do without Chammak Challo, Marjaani Marjaani, and Deewangi Deewangi (so many double names in Bollywood!).

Deep breath....one more day...'cause I've gotta.

PS. I watched "Mere Brother Ki Dulhan" Imran Khan and Katrina Kaif, and I thought it was laugh out loud funny. Plus, this guy is a cutie! I mean, he's not Shah Rukh, but....