Sweet. Actually, that milestone happened yesterday, while I was waxing dramatic. Today's big milestone is that I am now solidly under my husband's "light day" weight. So, awesome that.
The toe injury really sucks. I feel like one of those big, badass NFL players who are cut down in their prime with a case of turf toe - everyone thinks you're being a puss, because come on. It's a TOE. But seriously, it hurts so badly to have an injury on your foot, especially if you're trying to exercise. Plus, feet tend to be slow to heal, so I'm not sure how long this is going to keep me out of athletic shoes. So for now, I'm going to have to risk more problems with the plantar fasciitis because I cannot just give up on the work out for two weeks now that I finally, FINALLY got my groove back.
Oversharing moment: I need to eat more almonds. Sorry, but it had to be said.
Breakfast - Atkins breakfast meal Tex-Mex Scramble - my new breakfast staple.
Lunch - Atkins meal Chicken Alfredo and Broccoli – my new lunch staple. (Actually, all of the Atkins meals are pretty good. It's nice to have this variety of easy things to toss in the microwave and have available. It's not a permanent alternative to cooking, but while I'm working nine or 10 hours a day, it's a lifesaver.)
Dinner - Mozzarella and tomato salad with fresh basil and crabmeat. Don't be afraid – it was actually pretty good.
Exercise - Barefoot Just Dance – I know THAT's going to turn into a problem, but, what can you do? They do, however, make for better moves than athletic shoes, I gotta tell ya.
Bollywood...I haven't forgotten you! Spring Break is coming, and I have a goal - at least 5 1AM Movie Reviews: Shahrukh-free, since I have to let it go. Don't I? Yes. I do. Maybe not.... (Super kudos to Dabboo Ratnani, BTW, for making a guy getting pelted in the face with a squirt gun so delicious)
I've been hiding. I hate that, but it's true. I got so fed up with no progress, no weight loss for what seemed like FOREVER, I gave up a little. I didn't eat any pasta, but I did eat way too much for several days in a row. I worked out, but only two days a week. It wasn't a swan dive off of the wagon, but here's the deal: with me, it never is. It begins as a trickle of negativity, feet dangling off the back. Then, over the course of...a month? Three? Eight? A year, even? Every time, I've found myself growing roots in the couch, pounding down bags of pasta at a time.
I can't tell this time will be different. Oh, how I want to. I want to smile my drill team smile and pat your arm and say,"No way. No way do I fail again. You see, I'm fixed, now. CURED!!! Hallelujah!"
That's not my reality. The best thing I can do, right now, is not to be a fair weather friend to my life changes and my progress. My journey deserves a light and a voice, when I want to shout from the mountaintops, but even more when all I can do is rage, or cry out, or curl up and whimper.
My journey is up a brambled, wild path that only allows the next step to be seen. It cuts, it pulls, it attracts stinging insects to distract me from the journey.
My all-weather friends, don't ask me about the mountaintop above. I don't live in the victory. Help me stay on the path today, in the brambles. We can pick blackberries together while you're here...
Breakfast - 6 Buffalo Wild Wings with blue cheese
Lunch - bruschetta chicken sandwich, protein-style, from Red Robin
Dinner - grilled salmon and steamed broccoli from Chili's (feelin' oogy at the moment - hope nothing's coming back to visit)
Exercise - I have a nasty little toe wound from a confrontation with a baseboard that I, clearly, lost. So, barefoot workout today: 40 minutes of the BW Booty Shake, then another 40 minutes of Just Dance. Sweat my ass off, and I'm sure my plantar fascia will have something to say tomorrow.
You know why? Because it's the worst of both worlds.
First - You try to stuff food in the giant hole where real emotion should be. Those emotions that are hard to face? Those are the ones you need to cope, to learn, to grow. Sadness is a feeling of value. It cannot dominate your life, but it deserves its time.
Second - You put away a sleeve of Girl Scout cookies (or, in my case, a taco salad large enough for the cast of Les Mis), and guess what? Now you get to add one more negative emotion to your all ready groaning buffet of negativity: guilt.
So, what have we accomplished here? Instead of looking at my sadness, trying to determine if through the sadness there are solutions, I have managed to stuff my face with at least 9 pounds of imminently forgettable lunch. Now I'm sad about two things instead of one, guilty, and incredibly bloated.
Win-win...for the DEVIL on my back. For me, it's a day wasted walking backwards.
So, truth: I was deeply sad today about something that happened in the "not bloggable" area of my life. I even tried to do it the right way at first, by setting aside the food, putting my head down, and having a good long cry. I should have just thrown the salad away. I almost did, and then, I thought that devil thought that has no place in my mind: well you might want that later. No need to waste, after all. Such bullshit. After 3 hours of ignoring the accursed salad, I gave in and went after it like a woman on Death Row. Am I less sad? Of course not. I'm most assuredly more, because now my pure, beautiful sadness has to share with ugly guilt, which I'm SURE doesn't bathe enough and smells like day-old avocado ranch.
Emotional coping tip for the day: Join with me people: we feel, we emote - we laugh, we cry, we gnash our teeth, right? NO FOOD ALLOWED!!! Let's make sure our food is filling only our bellies, because everywhere else you try to put it, it'll just rot.
Replacement behavior modeling tip for the day: replace eating a cookie with...a chicken wing! Or celery or something. Small steps...I swear, I'm tiptoeing right there with ya!
This has been a week of unexpected inspiration. Without telling anyone, I'd started to sink back into some very bad, old feelings. I've felt a little lonely and sad, a little frustrated and defeated. Then, Monday at Jazzercise, someone said something unbelievable to me: they asked me if I had had bariatric surgery. Holy crap. Who gets a compliment like that? I worked out like a woman possessed that night.
Then tonight, I went to a friend's 30th birthday party. It was a casual affair: I wore the same clothes that I wore to work today - a new dress I bought on clearance for $15, some leggings, and black boots. I like the dress, but honestly, it's still very hard to feel cute in clothes. I arrived at the party not thinking much about how I look, except to I know I'm not underdressed. So isn't it a surprise to me when everyone is completely jazzed about how great they think I Iook? It's so powerful, that kind of feedback: It's like mainlining positive energy.
And make no mistake: I am, even now, a creature of external motivation. I tell myself, and others, "I'm doing this just for me, so that I can be healthy and strong." Well, bullshit on that right there. I need, no, I crave the validation of others. But I'm not a lowbrow junkie: I'm not looking for the entrapment complement I've basically had to spell out for someone else. Hello, no. I only want the, blurted, spontaneous compliments from the person who is inspired by me.
For some inexplicable reason, I found myself telling my story tonight. From the very sad beginning of eating unbelievable amounts of pasta and watching Marigold On Netflix to seeing myself at the Fourth of July; from weeping uncontrollably to rolling myself from the couch to do 5 minuets of dance moves with my beloved Shahrukh Khan for the first time (5 minutes before I was out on the floor); then crying all of it out to the internet because I couldn't tell anyone in my life, but I somehow had to find some way someone that I just couldn't just die before my next birthday, so someone, anywhere, would hear me to get up each day, and tell myself, "Today is not a good day to die."
And the these friends, who have seen me at my worst, just showed up and filled with love and support and positivity and motivation to begin a new today. They were inspired by my story. Though I hear those words, I still can't make any real sense out of them. I am still fat and flabby and don't fit into clothes, and the scale still taunts me. Who is this girl they see? But, at the very same time, I crave those words like a starving man craves a meal. I live outside myself, in the world of perception. It's not right, it just is. So, my buddy almost young enough to be my son, who tells me I look hot, even though he definitely doesn't mean it quite that way, he makes my day. When two of my girlfriends who, in their own right, look absolutely amazing, go to the trouble to tell me how beautiful I look an how amazed they are with my progress, I'm speechless. But most of all, when someone hears my silly story of getting up off the couch and letting Shahrukh Khan call me back into the light, And cries, CRIES, by the power of the story. the POWER of the STORY? The "getting up off of my ASS" story??? I am simply overwhelmed.
These people: the lady at Jazzercise, the students at school, the friends in the sports bar, they all rekindle the fire that got me here in the first place. One friend this evening, "but you're in such a good place now." It's quite shocking to hear that, because I constantly feel like a piece of glass That could shatter at the slightest pressure. To be clear, I do this for me. I want to be healthy, I want to be happy. But I would be a shameful liar if I didn't admit that the people In and around my life are motivating me in ways they cannot even know. And, to be honest, I'm not even sure I want them to know. A person's well-being to be such a heavy burden... At least now I know that every word that is said comes from a spontaneous place of support and positive feeling. It feeds the dark places in my heart, and it drives me to begin a new tonight. A new day, a new commitment:
I promise to keep trying my very very best every day if you (whoever you are out there, world) promise to try to remember every every day to honor my effort in some tiny way. I promise to be truthful you about how it's going, even when the going is shitty.
And I promise that, for one more day, I will stay the course. You know why. And to Brett, Dave, Poe, Molly, Paul, and ESPECIALLY to Beth/Beth...today's video is for you.
Our laundry has gotten completely out of control. In an effort to curb the madness, we have assigned both of our boys the chore of folding their own laundry. They are not pleased. At. All. Nonetheless, Harper and I are committed to the new process. We spent more time arguing and setting boundaries for this new laundry fold initiative than we did actually folding any laundry.
This exemplifies the need to regain a bit of normalcy in our house. We have allowed our habits to become too scattered, too out of touch with reality, to really teach our sons good practices for taking care of our house and their responsibilities. We are starting small, with our little laundry experiment, but I hope to see a bit of success and a lot less drama in the coming weeks.
Master this, and it's on to the next enormous obstacle: getting back to actually cooking and eating meals as a family. That one looks roughly like Mount Everest at the moment. One day at a time… for now, let's just get through tomorrow's laundry.
Well, two things got resurrected in the last 10 days: my shame and my recovery. I've been hiding from my blog, which is so stupid, I don't even know how to explain it. My weight has fluctuated wildly: as high as 235, and as low as, well, today. I spent last weekend curled up on the couch… huddled really...eating as much as I could stuff in my face. I tried to console myself, justify what I was doing, by telling myself, "there aren't any carbs in this - how bad could it be?" Terrible. That's how bad. Enough for, I don't know, about eight people in one day. I knew, KNEW I was just eviscerating my progress, but the secret, ugly defiance grabbed me by the hair, pried open my gullet, and stuffed me like a Thanksgiving turkey. I put myself to bed Sunday night greasy, bloated, sick in both heart and body, swearing that Monday would dawn anew, and I would get up and work out my shit.
Monday morning, like a justified and ancient wrath, a sinus headache descended on me with the force of an anvil dropped off a cliff, Wile E. Coyote style. By the end of the work day, I'm sitting in a meeting, sobbing in agony, trying to convince my friend and Jazzercise partner that, "I'll be fine once I start working out, right?" See looks at me with the face that only she can make: that face that says, "Have you lost your mind completely?" and says "No, not right. Go to CareNow. Now!" But how can I do that? How can I allow this day to go unresolved? I was supposed to work out my shit today! I can't NOT do anything to make this weekend go away!
Yes I could. I went to CareNow, had them look up my nose, tap on my face, and pronounce, "yes, it's a sinus infection." That's why we pay them the big bucks. So, a shot of steroids in the butt, a day of peaceful rest, and a great weigh-in Wednesday brought me back to life. Pushing through a rough "day after the headache" to Jazzercise in pain and working up the nerve to get back in the fire and blog about it, warts and all - that sent my shame back to its dungeon.
Today, a bunch of compliments - "Have you lost more weight? Are those jeans too big?" I smile, and give a truly heart-felt thank you to each of them. But here's what I REALLY lost - the big, ugly, albatross-riding monkey off my back. And you know? Your clothes DO fit better without it!
So, for today at least, I'm back in the saddle. Just for today, maybe, but Julia got her groove back. I've come this far...what's one more day?
I am drowning...
Age I was given: 21
Where I lived: Plano and College Station
What I drove: 1988 Oldsmobile Cutlass Ciera
What I did: as little as humanly possible
Who had my heart: My high school sweetheart, whom I didn't deserve
And then I learned to swim...
Age I am now: 43
Where I am now: in a pretty good place
What I drive: 2001 Honda Accord (the first new car I ever bought)
What I do: as much as I can possibly fit in, and still not nearly enough (that's code for "elementary teacher and mom of two VERY challenging boys")
Who has my heart: that same amazing high school sweetheart, whom I've grown up to deserve and to love more than "21-year old me" even knew was possible.
So, not that anyone care's but these collages have taken FOREVER, SO THAT's what you're gettin'...enjoy. Or not. Whatevs.
Breakfast - almonds and coffee (not a misto)
Lunch - new Atkins frozen meal, which was GOOD. Huzzah!!!!!
Dinner - a few bites of rotisserie chicken...not really hungry. Please, GOD, let it not be norovirus.
Exercise - full Jazzercise hour, followed by Olympic homework qualifying round.
Bored. A bit icky. Feeling fat. Good times. I did watch the film Bodyguard. It was surprisingly good - I wasn't sure how I would feel about this film. I liked Dabangg and 2, mostly because I'm a fan of big ass-kicking comedy. I was pretty "meh" about Ek Tha Tiger, because it didn't offer near enough comedy to make Salman Khan palatable. This one, however....right on the money. Everyone makes fun of Salman's "He-Manliness", which makes it much more appealing than it might be otherwise. I actually kinda love Kareena Kapoor, and after the BEAT-DOWN that was Heroine, it was an enormous relief to have fun, sassy Kareena back. Even Salman's dancing was at a bit of a high-water mark in this film. A bright spot in an otherwise stank day. Breakfast - chilaquiles and a misto Lunch - almonds Dinner - freakin' insane too much food: like 1/3 of a chicken, then two (or 3) servings of chicken piccata I stayed under my carbs, but my portion control - in the crapper Exercise - Hell, no. Why spoil a useless day with productivity?
Sometimes, after a very long day, if I don't get up precisely at the moment I think to myself, "I'd better get up off of my ass and work out," it simply won't happen. With increasing frequency, this moment arrives with me still in my work clothes, which generally consists of khakis, jeans, or skirt, a little knit tank camisole, then some kind of t-shirt on top. Plus a load of jewelry. So, I'm looking around my family room tonight, realizing that the flotsam of the last two days' spontaneous workouts are scattered around the room. Basically, I start with what I wear to work, and end up with a pair of workout pants that I've changed into while jumping around in front of the TV and the camisole; by now, t-shirt, shoes, and various pieces of jewelry have been scattered to the winds.
Keepin' it classy.
Breakfast - Atkins bar and a misto Lunch - another Atkins bar Dinner - chicken/sour cream/cheese dip situation
Exercise - BW Booty Shake, with aforementioned clothes strewn everywhere.
I am so tired. At this moment, I wish I were an oak tree, wrapped in a blanket of stillness and silence, waiting to be awakened by spring. Oh, how I want to hibernate until April.
My January Prayer
Please, may I not lose my way in these dark, long weeks of winter.
May I do, just for today, what needs doing.
Help me remember that even as the tree appears to sleep, at its roots it grows, and lives, and builds life anew.
My roots go way down deep. May they hold me up, and nourish me, and give me strength until spring's joyful return.
Breakfast - a sugar-free caramel misto (that's like a latte, except with brewed coffee instead of espresso - more coffee means less cream which means fewer carbs)
Lunch - school lunch, Atkins-style: chicken taco meat on lettuce with cucumbers, three cherry tomatoes, and Ranch
Dinner - carne flameado with grilled veggies from Gloria's
Exercise - some Bollywood strength training - arms and abs to "Main Hoon Na"
I just have absolutely nothing to say on the weight loss front. I'm following the diet, I'm working out – 90 minutes today of the BW Booty Shake. I know that I'm doing what I need to; so, I suppose it will happen as it happens. I'm a tiny bit bored with discussing that, and I know that if you're reading my blog, you're likely bored with it, too.
So, tonight – as a change of pace. I am unveiling the...
Bollywood and Blubber Top 10 Countdown!!!!
Think of it as a bored girl's Book of Lists. When I feel an exceptional ennui with the actual goings-on in my life, I'll share some random Bollywood greatness that I think will benefit from the value of my illustrious judgment.
Tonight, the top 10 Bollywood numbers that make me want to shake my booty. Nothing sweet, sweeping, and romantic here. This is "get up off the couch and shake that Thang" music. To recap, the way I first managed to haul my fat ass off of the couch and start moving was to learn some of these dances "Just Dance Wii"-style. So, my list is based on the entire package: not just "is that song danceable?" but, "Is it both fun to listen to and fun to watch?"
10. "Criminal" from RA.One - This is not a family friendly Bollywood extravaganza. This dance number has definite women objectification problems. However, if you want to get up and dance your ass off, this is the number for you. "Criminal" has a distinctly Western dance vibe to it – it is less a Bollywood number than an MTV video. It is high energy, it is a little bit raunchy, and Shahrukh Khan looks fan-DAMN-tastic in it. A great ride. http://youtu.be/VIV3nS7KRok<
9. "Gori Gori" from Main Hoon Na - Oh, how I love this movie so, SO, much. I adore every song in the film, but for the "get up and dance factor", nothing beats "Gori Gori". It is fast moving, so you will most certainly get a workout. It has a little bit of a 1950s feel to it, in the same way the Michael J Fox scene feels in the prom number of Back to the Future. It's then, but it's now, and it's awesome. And, did I mention how adorable Shahrukh Khan is in this movie? http://youtu.be/wqy4jFrT6J4
8. "Dhadak Dhadak" from Bunty Aur Babli - I could make an entire list of Shahrukh numbers. But, in fairness, there are some great ones out there by other people. This number, which opens the movie, is fun and interesting. And I absolutely love Rani - that girl can DANCE. Plus, with the moving train – I think the sheer difficulty of that interests me. http://youtu.be/9eR9WcrdfsA
7. "Koi Ladki Hai" from Dil To Pagal Hai - Well, I be lying if I said the fact that SRK is wet through this entire number doesn't hold some appeal. However, I swear that the thing that most draws me in to this video is the kids' dancing. This manufactured cloister of poorly dressed street urchins somehow sucks me in every time. And man, can they dance. Plus, this is another song that has one of those amazing, irresistible beats that somehow only Bollywood can manage to replicate. http://youtu.be/7xuCUblLdV8
6. "Phir Milenge Chalte Chalte" from Rab Ne Bana Di Jodi - This number, which follows the history of great Bollywood traditions from the 50s to the 80's, just has a little bit of everything. Many of "big girls" are in this video, including Kajol, Bipasha Basu, Preity Zinta, Lara Dutta, and Rani. The costumes are spectacular, and the whole spectacle of it just draws you in. When the song is over, I want to scream and fist pump just like Anushka's character, Taani, in the movie. http://youtu.be/33zcfmqTNi4
5. "Marjaani Marjaani" from Billu Barber - This song is a serious work out. In the first month of my workout routine, this song was Mount Everest. Every dance move in this song is high impact, and it doesn't stop. But, it is achievable. The dance moves are not that hard – not like "Ishq Kamina", from Shakti, which is freakin' insane. This number is learnable, which makes it a fantastic Bollywood number for beginners. If you're committed, you can learn this routine. Just to add some incentive: "Marjaani", roughly translated, means "To Hell With 'Em". If that's not an anthem, I don't know what is. http://youtu.be/HwG6X072K0w
4. "Deewangi Deewangi" from Om Shanti Om - This song is a party song: literally. The number is set at Om's birthday party, and everyone in Bollywood comes out to celebrate with him. If you want to see them dancing, and they're probably in this number. The only downside to this number is that there is a lot of "downtime" in the song, where you have to sort of make up your own routine. However, the song is utterly infectious, and everyone is so beautiful, it's a joy to watch. You'll dance along, because you won't be able to help yourself. If I can't bring myself to do one other thing, I can dance for 20 minutes to this song alone. http://youtu.be/p92YbtfeI58
3. The bronze medal goes to..."Dilrubaon Ke Jalwe" from Dulha Mil Gaya - This movie was absolutely rejected by both critics and moviegoers alike when it came out. It's essentially sunk Sushmita Sen's career single-handedly. Yet, as is often the case for a wide-eyed American like me, I don't really see the problem. More importantly, I just love this number. It has a great tune, and the dance moves are absolutely fantastic. Plus, it's a bit of an SRK insider's dream, with references to many of our favorite movies.
2. The Silver medal..."Maahi Ve" from Kal Ho Naa Ho - This number is the real deal. If you want Bollywood, this number is it. It just shines with joy, and it has good traditional Bollywood news, along with a great modern twist. Most of the song is learnable, and you'll just dance through the parts you can't learn, because it's so much fun. This number is absolutely infectious. The end of this movie is profoundly sad, but in this moment you just won't care.
And the top spot goes to...of course, if you know me at all, you'll have already guessed...
1. "CHAMMAK CHALLO"!!!!!! from RA.One - This is the badass Bollywood dance number of all time - I don't care what anyone says. Kareena Kapoor looks great in this video, the song by Akon is KILLER, and Shahrukh Khan is, well, the shit. There. I said it. I LOVE THIS NUMBER!!!!! I feel happier right now just TALKING about it. I feel compelled to use SHOUTY CAPS just to express myself! Everyone I know: students, coworkers, friends, my children - will tell you that if you say, "Chammak Challo" to me, I will shake an armful of bangles (which are on every single day) right at you. My phone sings the chorus when I have a text. The song is on every playlist in my iPhone, and the video is on every YouTube playlist. in the time I've typed this, I've had to go turn it on, and now I need to get up and Chammak Challo around the room. It's singularly the most irresistible video I've ever seen in my "born before MTV" life.
GO! Go now! Go turn on your YouTube, find "Chammak Challo", and jump around like a crazy person. Chances are, I'll be doing the same.
P.S. A couple of honorable mentions:
* "Say Shava Shava" from K3G - Amitabh Bachchan is still the man. This is a super fun number, but I really just watch this one for whatever reason. I think the change of scenes back and forth may have something to do with it.
* "It's Magic" from Koi Mil Gaya - Hrithik Roshan is a dancing machine, seriously. He's ridiculous. But he's so far beyond my ability, I can't do anything but watch.
* "Main To Houn Pagal" from Baadshah - it would probably be a perfect workout song, but I can't stop laughing.
* "Ainvayi Ainvayi" from Band Baaja Baaraat - this song may just worm it's way up into the Top 10. If Ranveer Singh didn't get on my nerves, it would already be there.
***Nilesh Fatnani - he is the YouTube Zumba King, and he does a lot of Bollywood/hip-hop hybrid stuff that is just insane. I work out with Nilesh a lot now, but he's not for beginners. I found him looking for versions of...I'll bet you can guess!!!! If you're not just starting to work out after 7 years off, like I was, look him up: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OgJCK_A5A4A&sns=em
Life is moving fast and weighing a ton - I feel like a flattened squirrel. I'm finishing my teacher of the year portfolio, which has sucked me dry creatively.
Thank The Lord for Chulbul Pandey. (culabula pāṇḍē kē li'ē allāha kā śukriyā adā)
P.S. - If you have no idea what I'm talking about, then I'm a little tickled that you're reading my blog, and I invite you to rent the movie "Dabangg"!
Breakfast - almonds
Lunch - Atkins shake and coffee
Dinner - spicy Regio chicken and carne asada
Exercise - today, none. Monday and Tuesday, Jazzercise.
This is a repost from two years ago. Time has passed, but the love remains.
Today is my brother's 48th birthday. It's a secret.
Not really by intention: this is a secret of passing time, not dark design. My brother died many years ago, and it was, of course, a painful loss for my family; a pain compounded by the shame and guilt that comes with a young life lost to addiction. In the years before his death, we suffered a slow dying of the son and brother we loved and remembered. It made the final end all the more agonizing for the secret, shameful relief. Too few words were said in the years following - too few words and a maelstrom of emotions. And then, somehow, the pain recedes. Not gone, never gone: simply swallowed up by the present.
But on precious days like today, you unpack those emotions: the grief, the guilt, the loss, the love; and you air them out and give them a look. You try them on to see how they fit. For me, this day draws me to my mother, who endured that unspeakable loss and still manages to be an extraordinary person; and to my children, who love each other the way I loved, and still love, my brother. I saved this story for the quiet of the evening, so that I could honor my brother with the peace that long eluded him in his life.
Tomorrow, this moment will again be overwhelmed by the mundane, a secret once again; but, in this moment, his memory is my companion, and now yours. Happy Birthday, Ben.
Fat girl reality check: even when you start to lose weight, things are still out and about. In fact, in some ways it's even worse; because now that there's no fat to hold anything taut, it all just oozes around you like a suit made of vinyl. It sticks, it squeaks, it bunches up underneath your clothes. It is wholly unpleasant. But the very worst part of this skin-vinyl exosuit is the moment when you try to work out. Now ladies, you must suppress your instinct not to wear formfitting clothes in the gym. I know that you think you look terrible all squeezed into this gym pant or those yoga pants or the tight tank top workout bra shirt situation. And you probably do. But guess what is worse? Leaving all of that vinyl, sticky, squeaky, bunchy mess to just run rampant while you're trying to do a Jazzercise routine. I made the mistake of wearing a very loose T-shirt and very loose soccer shorts to work out in one night at home. I start to really ramp up my routine when all of a sudden, I hear applause. I whip around: who could possibly be applauding me? No one is allowed out of their rooms until I am finished. I keep working out, getting more and more enthusiastic about the routine when all of a sudden, there is the lone clapper. Now I am positive it is one of my children, but after a thorough inspection of the area I am all alone. Just me and my…
...Extremely loose by skin slapping together when I do the dance. And not just one fat fan: I have several. The fat on my under arm slaps against the fat on my chest; the fat of my arms flaps together in front of my face, almost knocking me out cold. And let's not forget my all time favorite: the slapping of the stomach fat pad against the upper legs with a sound so clear you could hear it in the next room.
Now, it's become like an episode of Stomp: Jump, wave, thigh clap, shift, another underarm clap clap, wobble shake shake, thighs clap LOUDLY, shimmy, wobble, gross sucking sound, wobble, wobble, clap, clap, shimmy, shimmy, clap of stomach to tops of thighs. Woo! Feelin' SEXY.
But there is a light at the end of the tunnel: and that light is magnified by the shiny fibers of blessed nylon that are going to be used to suck your shit together in a workout outfit.
Long-sleeved shirt? Check.
Spandex yoga pants? Check.
Now we're cinched up and ready to go.
Cue the music, and please, PLEASE hold the applause.
Today, I'm 43 years old, and I don't weigh 300 pounds.
Or 282.
Or 250.
Today, I weigh 233 pounds. Instead of a bowl of pasta and 2 slices of cake, I celebrated my birthday with an hour of Jazzercise, including 20 minutes of floor work. On the FLOOR.
And that Shahrukh guy? He's seen me through countless hours of workouts and taught me, and my kids, our first words in Hindi. Through him I found a world of like minds and a reason to dance.
So, this is my story. Good or bad, I'll keep telling it, even if no one hears me. I want to be 44 and under 200 pounds. I'm here because I wanna.
Breakfast - a latte
Lunch - spicy grilled chicken
Dinner - hibachi scallops and steak with bean sprouts and zucchini (no rice) - no birthday cake for me, and I'm good with that.
Exercise - Jazzercise for an hour, plus some bonus dancing, just out of sheer joy.
My classroom was a disaster, so I spent 6 hours at work today. So, that sounds terrible, but actually, it wasn't a bad day. I got a lot done, and I got to play my music really, really loudly on the projector speaker system. Plus, get this - Pandora has a Shahrukh station. I know! Awesome, right? This is especially good news for me, since I constantly forget to charge my phone and find myself tuneless. So, I chipped away at my craziness and got a little extra aerobics in, as well.
I'm watching the movie Kaho Naa...Pyaar Hai with half an eye: it doesn't seem to draw my attention. It's a funny thing. The star, Hrithik Roshan, is undeniably handsome, plus a fantastic dancer. (I'm not exaggerating - he's fan-freakin-tastic.). The story line is actually sort of original. But, I'm not feeling it. Anyway, I have to know how it ends, so I may cheat. Please forgive me, ye gods of Bollywood...
Breakfast - latte
Lunch - leftover Wild Wings
Dinner - pot roast and a bit of chicken
Exercise - BW Booty Shake - I worked heavily on "Dilrubaon Ke Jalwe" - I'm diggin' that one!
I don't know why, but I felt like dancing today. It was a funny thing, sort of a manic high. I could hardly drive home from Jazzercise - I had to turn the music off because I was possessed by the car-dancing demon. When I got home, I found myself trying out new routines all day. A few highlights: "Dilrubaon Ke Jalwe" from Dulha Mil Gaya - this was an unexpected SRK treat, sort of like the gooey center of a turtle brownie. This movie crashed and burned at the Indian box office, but nevertheless, this is a fun, witty dance number. And, of course, SRK is so very delicious.
"Jazba" from Ladies vs. Ricky Bahl, and "Jiya Re" from Jab Tak Hai Jaan - I love, love me some Anushka Sharma. She has a smile like a sunrise, and her dancing explodes with joy. Dancing along with her is a blast.
And, in "Jiya Re", you also get SRK, who is, as you know, delicious. "Chaiyya Chaiyya" from Dil Se - this movie was so depressing, I will probably never watch it again, even with SRK utterly delicious throughout. However, this number, shot entirely on a moving train, is surprisingly engaging.
And did I mention that dancing around the house is oh, so much better when it's with the delicious Shahrukh Khan? Yeah...one-track mind. So, all in all, I probably had an extra hour of aerobics today. And as a bonus, I felt really, really happy. Breakfast - latte Brunch - eggs with cream cheese and chives Lunch - pastrami and Gouda Dinner - pot roast with pearl onions and garlic cloves Exercise - Jazzercise plus random acts of rhythm P.S. - eyeliner on a man...terrible, right? That is just not okay, unless you're Jack Sparrow...or Shahrukh Khan playing Prince Asoka. Just - DAMN.
Honestly, I sort of expected today to suck. I was not looking forward to getting back to work, and it caused me to have a rather lazy and apathetic morning. I got dressed bare-bones today: no earrings, no bangles, nothing. So you can imagine that the last thing I was expecting from today was "Big Reveal" day where every conversation went something like this:
"Oh my God! How much weight have you lost?"
"Wow! You look great! What have you been doing?"
"Can I come to Jazzercise? I want to start coming to Jazzercise!"
Seriously, it was this surreal, spectacular day. This would have already been enough, but when I got home after working out, I had one final surprise: the 50 pound mark. (60, really, from the pre-blog starvation week.) It's as if all of a sudden I can look in the mirror and see not just who I am, but who I am becoming.
Forget Jazzercise. Today, I could fly.
Breakfast – a latte
Lunch – necessity is the mother of invention. I realized I didn't have lunch around the same time I realized I really wanted a cup of coffee. I realized I had an Atkins shake in the fridge and behold: the birth of the protein vanilla latte.
Dinner – six Buffalo Wild Wings with celery and blue cheese
Exercise – Maureen was back at Jazzercise today. She definitely makes sure we get a real workout – I thought I might die before we were finished. And for that, I thank her.
