Day 228 - 222.8: Look! My Day is Higher than My Weight!

Sweet. Actually, that milestone happened yesterday, while I was waxing dramatic. Today's big milestone is that I am now solidly under my husband's "light day" weight. So, awesome that.

The toe injury really sucks. I feel like one of those big, badass NFL players who are cut down in their prime with a case of turf toe - everyone thinks you're being a puss, because come on. It's a TOE. But seriously, it hurts so badly to have an injury on your foot, especially if you're trying to exercise. Plus, feet tend to be slow to heal, so I'm not sure how long this is going to keep me out of athletic shoes. So for now, I'm going to have to risk more problems with the plantar fasciitis because I cannot just give up on the work out for two weeks now that I finally, FINALLY got my groove back.

Oversharing moment: I need to eat more almonds. Sorry, but it had to be said.

Breakfast - Atkins breakfast meal Tex-Mex Scramble - my new breakfast staple.
Lunch - Atkins meal Chicken Alfredo and Broccoli – my new lunch staple. (Actually, all of the Atkins meals are pretty good. It's nice to have this variety of easy things to toss in the microwave and have available. It's not a permanent alternative to cooking, but while I'm working nine or 10 hours a day, it's a lifesaver.)
Dinner - Mozzarella and tomato salad with fresh basil and crabmeat. Don't be afraid – it was actually pretty good.

Exercise - Barefoot Just Dance – I know THAT's going to turn into a problem, but, what can you do? They do, however, make for better moves than athletic shoes, I gotta tell ya.

Bollywood...I haven't forgotten you! Spring Break is coming, and I have a goal - at least 5 1AM Movie Reviews: Shahrukh-free, since I have to let it go. Don't I? Yes. I do. Maybe not.... (Super kudos to Dabboo Ratnani, BTW, for making a guy getting pelted in the face with a squirt gun so delicious)

Day 227 - 224: Fair Weather Friend

I've been hiding. I hate that, but it's true. I got so fed up with no progress, no weight loss for what seemed like FOREVER, I gave up a little. I didn't eat any pasta, but I did eat way too much for several days in a row. I worked out, but only two days a week. It wasn't a swan dive off of the wagon, but here's the deal: with me, it never is. It begins as a trickle of negativity, feet dangling off the back. Then, over the course of...a month? Three? Eight? A year, even? Every time, I've found myself growing roots in the couch, pounding down bags of pasta at a time.

I can't tell this time will be different. Oh, how I want to. I want to smile my drill team smile and pat your arm and say,"No way. No way do I fail again. You see, I'm fixed, now. CURED!!! Hallelujah!"

That's not my reality. The best thing I can do, right now, is not to be a fair weather friend to my life changes and my progress. My journey deserves a light and a voice, when I want to shout from the mountaintops, but even more when all I can do is rage, or cry out, or curl up and whimper.

My journey is up a brambled, wild path that only allows the next step to be seen. It cuts, it pulls, it attracts stinging insects to distract me from the journey.

My all-weather friends, don't ask me about the mountaintop above. I don't live in the victory. Help me stay on the path today, in the brambles. We can pick blackberries together while you're here...

Breakfast - 6 Buffalo Wild Wings with blue cheese
Lunch - bruschetta chicken sandwich, protein-style, from Red Robin
Dinner - grilled salmon and steamed broccoli from Chili's (feelin' oogy at the moment - hope nothing's coming back to visit)

Exercise - I have a nasty little toe wound from a confrontation with a baseboard that I, clearly, lost. So, barefoot workout today: 40 minutes of the BW Booty Shake, then another 40 minutes of Just Dance. Sweat my ass off, and I'm sure my plantar fascia will have something to say tomorrow.

Day 217 - 229: Emotional Eating Sucks

You know why? Because it's the worst of both worlds.

First - You try to stuff food in the giant hole where real emotion should be. Those emotions that are hard to face? Those are the ones you need to cope, to learn, to grow. Sadness is a feeling of value. It cannot dominate your life, but it deserves its time.

Second - You put away a sleeve of Girl Scout cookies (or, in my case, a taco salad large enough for the cast of Les Mis), and guess what? Now you get to add one more negative emotion to your all ready groaning buffet of negativity: guilt.

So, what have we accomplished here? Instead of looking at my sadness, trying to determine if through the sadness there are solutions, I have managed to stuff my face with at least 9 pounds of imminently forgettable lunch. Now I'm sad about two things instead of one, guilty, and incredibly bloated.

Win-win...for the DEVIL on my back. For me, it's a day wasted walking backwards.

So, truth: I was deeply sad today about something that happened in the "not bloggable" area of my life. I even tried to do it the right way at first, by setting aside the food, putting my head down, and having a good long cry. I should have just thrown the salad away. I almost did, and then, I thought that devil thought that has no place in my mind: well you might want that later. No need to waste, after all. Such bullshit. After 3 hours of ignoring the accursed salad, I gave in and went after it like a woman on Death Row. Am I less sad? Of course not. I'm most assuredly more, because now my pure, beautiful sadness has to share with ugly guilt, which I'm SURE doesn't bathe enough and smells like day-old avocado ranch.

Emotional coping tip for the day: Join with me people: we feel, we emote - we laugh, we cry, we gnash our teeth, right? NO FOOD ALLOWED!!! Let's make sure our food is filling only our bellies, because everywhere else you try to put it, it'll just rot.

Replacement behavior modeling tip for the day: replace eating a cookie with...a chicken wing! Or celery or something. Small steps...I swear, I'm tiptoeing right there with ya!