Day 106 - 249: a VERY Happy Halloween

Boo...YAH. That "4" has been a long time coming. I jumped on the scale tonight after a couple of hours of trick-or-treating, just kind of half-assed, really not expecting any progress whatsoever. So, when I saw it, it jumped right back off the scale as if I had been stung. Then I creeped back up to it, nudging it with my toe as if somehow it might jump up and yell "trick-or-treat" at me.

That weigh-in is a nice positive reinforcement as I prepare to jump headfirst into the ultimate temptation: a girls' retreat. I've been reminding myself for a week, "it's not about the food, it's about the company." Yeah, so, that's all well and good, but I'm still about to have a nervous snit about resisting the queso and chips.

I have two more days to gear myself up for this, so sing it with me now: it's not about the food, it's about the company, it's not about the food, it's about the company... I believe in fairies, I believe in fairies....

Breakfast - Atkins bar and almonds
Lunch - same
Dinner - mozzarella balls with balsamic vinegar

Exercise - trick or treat...2 hours worth with very squirrelly young boys

Bollywood P.S. - This past week or so has been kind of nutty, and I really miss my Bollywood. Here's hoping I get some time in peace to watch my next movie and do a little Bollywood exercise over the weekend. And, in a little bit of frustrating reality, I found out that my sons' Open House is on same night as the premiere of Jab Tak Hai Jaan. So, late movie for me!!!!!

Day 105 - 251: Stay Safe, Everyone

The Northeast is still in dire straits this evening as Sandy finishes giving them her worst. In the face of your immense challenge, my worries become infinitesimally small. To those I love, and to those they love, I wish comfort and safety on this cold, dark night.

Breakfast - guts of two breakfast burritos
Lunch - grilled chicken
Snack - almonds
Dinner - more chicken

Exercise - 13 hour work day

Day 103 - 252: I'm thinking a CURSE WORD Right Now

FFFFF.........K!!!!!!!!!! It's very tempting at this point to just stop eating altogether. I'm just pissed off enough to have the willpower. Oh how I want to beat this plateau into submission. Every toxic internal impulse, every negative bit of self-talk I've accumulated over the years tells me to just skip every meal for the next three days "just to see if it makes a difference." But, of course, that's not sustainable – with the willpower or with my health. That inner voice is already grinding pine nuts for the pesto I'm going to pour over my entitlement bowl of pasta, grinning and rubbing her hands together. So, I am going to follow the advice that I recently gave a friend:

I say to you, my inner voice, that you are full of SHIT, and I am not listening to you. You are how I got here in the first place, so you can just shut the hell up. I am getting up tomorrow and EATING before I leave for school. So KISS MY ASS, you self-destructive bitch. I'M in charge today.

Breakfast - almonds and coffee
Lunch - Atkins bar
Snack - almonds
Dinner - bacon-wrapped shrimp and apple slices

Exercise - walking all over school for 8 hours, trying to get my Daily 5 ducks in a row.

The 1 AM (2:30 AM, actually) Movie Review: Don 2

Sometimes I remember that underneath it all, I still have a Hollywood sensibility that sets me apart from some die-hard Bollywood fans. I've read many a fan bemoan how movies like Don 2 are too like one to be the other, failing on both counts.

For the most part, I'm going to have to disagree. I loved Don 2. After a couple of painful fails on my queue (Dil Aashna Hai? Ugh...), Don 2 roars back with the thing I love best from both genres: over-the-top.

Don (Shah Rukh Khan) jumps back into the fray, trying to overtake the European drug business. When the cartel gets wind of this and attempts to silence them the old-fashioned way, Don responds by doing what he does best - offering to throw them under the bus to Roma (Priyanka Chopra). This time Roma doesn't bite, and off Don goes to prison, conveniently in the same place as his old nemesis Vardhaan (Boman Irani). From there, Don launches his master plan to get everyone, including the cartel, Roma, Vardhaan, and the Central Bank of Germany, under his boot.

Don 2 is a fun, shameless amalgamation of elements from MI, The Italian Job, and and Ocean's 11 that pulls from each without losing it's own identity. The stunts are great, Don's dialogue (if maybe not poor Roma's) is witty and sassy, and the movie twists into a satisfying Hollywood ending.

Do I miss seeing SRK dancing? Well, as a self-actualized embarrassing SRK fangirl, of course I do. The dancing is one of the things that drew me to Bollywood in the first place, so it is disappointing to have movie that even stars dance fiend Hrithik Roshan without his signature moves. Priyanka seems a bit over-concerned with being sexy and under-concerned with her dancing, which sort of reflects the film overall.

However, dancing aside, Shah Rukh Khan is a right in his element as a cocky, naughty, self-absorbed villain. (I mean, come on, now. Underneath it all, don't we all believe that SRK IS Don, a little bit?) The controversy surrounding the off-screen relationship between SRK and Priyanka, I think, tends to put some Bollywood super-fans off of their feed regarding the on-screen chemistry. This, however, doesn't concern me at all. Do I hope SRK didn't cheat on his wife of 20 years? Sure. But as a movie-goer, I want sizzle between Don and Roma, and I got it.

I think Gauri Khan's wrath has probably killed any chance of a third movie in the series, which is kind of a bummer, because I'd so stand in line for Don 3!

The 100th Day - 250 pounds

I have a thousand things in my head, but the Ambien window is about to close...

250 pounds - still fat by anyone's standards except sumo wrestlers and offensive linemen for the NFL. And yet, to me, 250 means this: the least I've weighed in three years. In 100 days, I've undone the damage of THREE YEARS of bad thoughts and bad deeds. 250 pounds is not a goal, but it's a milestone. It gives me reason to hope, to believe, that in another 100 days, I could turn back the clock to 2007, when I first went back to work and gave up on taking care of myself.

So, tonight, here in the dark, I take one moment to rejoice in a small victory. Tomorrow, back to the climb...'cause I've gotta.

Breakfast - coffee (ugh - terrible)
Lunch - mozzarella balls
Dinner - Gouda cheese and almonds

Exercise - 90 minutes of dancing to music from a bad 90's wedding (and believe you me, I'm an EXPERT on the genre) with some good friends and a whole mess of schoolchildren. About the best fun I've had in a long time.

Day 99 - 251.5: The Doctor is In, and That's Probably Bad

This post really won't have anything to do with Bollywood or blubber, so if that's a problem for you, you should probably stop reading now.

I have an opinion about pretty much everything, and I am generally not at all hesitant about sharing it. I also have a tendency to accelerate as I wind up. These two traits together can, at times, turn me into a whirling dervish of ideas and opinions. Just today, I went off on some rant or other that ended up involving me quoting W. Edwards Deming, gesticulating wildly, and bleating like a sheep. (Trust me when I tell you that you do not want to know.)

So, given this propensity to run off at the mouth, you would think that I would be more than happy to get unsolicited advice all the time; but, that's actually not the case. Because I recognize the nature of my disease, I try not to be too terribly contagious. However, it can be hard for me to resist giving advice when someone asks for it directly. Today I managed to spout off advice about dealing with your boss, working within the realities in your job, and parenting, and I can't help coming away with the feeling that I might have done more harm than good. That is, of course, never my intention: I try to give thoughtful, reason, meaningful solutions when someone presents me with a problem; however, the reality is that I am a bit of an ideologue in a world where generally pragmatism rules the day. So then I have to ask myself: have I in fact, given sound, realistic advice? Or, have I rather sent people I care about down the path toward a bigger problem?

At this point, I suppose it's a little bit too late to worry about that. Today's fat mouth reality check: once you put it out there, it's there. Even if they don't take your advice in that moment, even if you go back and change your mind later, you've still planted the seed. Now you have to deal with the reality that it just might grow. Here's to hoping for the best...

Breakfast - Almonds
Lunch - Atkins bar and chicken
Dinner – wholly unsatisfying mozzarella cheese balls

Exercise – Jazzercise: I am definitely excited about starting Zumba – I need a change.

Day 98 - 252.5: Up All Night

I've been suffering from insomnia lately. Not sure why...stress, maybe, or bad habits - did you know that TV only helps you sleep if it sucks? I swear. If you're into the show, it'll get you all energized and anti-sleep. My student teacher asked me today what I do to help me relax, and upon reflection, I realized that I don't do much of anything to relax, per se. Generally, I take my mind off of one loud thing with another loud thing. I play my music WAY too loudly (and I'm talking about "thump-your-cousin's-face-in-Cleveland" loud), I channel surf like I'm riding a monster wave off of the North Shore, I Zumba and Bollywood dance on YouTube, I watch the Pittsburgh Steelers...all awesome: none relaxing. I'm not really makin' a point here - just the mental wanderings of an ADD insomniac.

Breakfast - almonds
Lunch - Atkins bar
Dinner - rotisserie chicken breast and about 4 oz. steak

Exercise - new video by Nilesh, just to test it; 13 hours of work (what.the.HELL????)

P.S. - Images from Yashji's funeral - white never looked so sad.

Day 97- 252.5: You are Getting VERY Sleepy

I have stayed up too late for two many days: Bollywood, Steelers football, American foreign policy...it's like Mardi Gras. Now I have to go sleep it off, because this week is shaping up to be a cluster...I'll keep you posted.

Breakfast - Atkins bar
Lunch - salmon Caesar salad
Snack - almonds
Dinner - same salad

Exercise - Jazzercise: did the floor work today, which I don't love on so many levels...namely ground level.

TMI...but I can't resist putting a little bit of why I'm too excited to sleep on the blog tonight...

Day 96 - 252.5: Farewell, Yashji

Bollywood icon, director/producer Yash Chopra, died unexpectedly today. Chopra began making films in 1959, many of which are now considered "must-see" classics in Bollywood cinema. Although, I must admit, my experience with Yash Chopra only begins much later, with his collaborations with SRK, I find the loss to be surprisingly saddening. In some ways, this marks the end of an era in Bollywood film.

His final film, Jab Tak Hai Jaan, had one more scene left to shoot, a trademark sweeping dance number to be set in the Alps. Everyone is left to wonder how SRK and Chopra's son Aditya will resolve this...I know that, as a fan, I'd like to see them honor his memory with the scene shot true to his vision.

In the BollyWHAT forum today, a member commented that Chopra "died with his boots on". I think that's a perfect sentiment. I replied with lines from the famous Dylan Thomas poem:

Do not go gentle into that good night,
Old age should burn and rave at close of day;
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Though wise men at their end know dark is right,
Because their words had forked no lightning they
Do not go gentle into that good night.

Good men, the last wave by, crying how bright
Their frail deeds might have danced in a green bay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Wild men who caught and sang the sun in flight,
And learn, too late, they grieved it on its way,
Do not go gentle into that good night.

Grave men, near death, who see with blinding sight
Blind eyes could blaze like meteors and be gay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

And you, my father, there on the sad height,
Curse, bless, me now with your fierce tears, I pray.
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Thank you, Yashji, for a life well lived.

Breakfast - Atkins bar
Lunch - grilled salmon
Snack - kiwi berries (too many)
Dinner - cheese and coffee (eewww, I know)

Exercise - competitive TV watching and light housework

The 1AM Movie Review Saturday Marathon, Part two: Koi...Mil Gaya

This movie is getting a review spot in honor of my friend, Janelle. By all accounts, this should be an easy hate on many levels. Its storyline is a weird cross between E.T. , Phenomenon, and Flowers for Algernon. It stars Hrithik Roshan and Preity Zinta (it was a day of amnesty for her), who are not really my favorite Bollywood stars. It has several "are ya kidding me, here?" Special effects moments, and an animatronic alien which doesn't match the technical expertise of newer films or even touch the emotional resonance of Spielberg's little masterpiece. And yet, I just loved this movie. Roshan gives this sweet little performance as Rohit, a mentally and emotionally naïve man who struggles with finding his place in the world, first without the skills needed, and then again with too many. of them. Bollywood icon Rekha gives depth to what could have been a throwaway role as Rohit's mother, and Preity Zinta lays down a pretty solid, if not overwhelming, performance as Nisha. The dancing was phenomenal, but of course one expects nothing less from Rubber Band Man Roshan. Seroiusly, that man seems to have the ability to liquefy his bones at will.

And, of course, none of this really explains why I love it. I can't put my finger on it: there's just something warm and yummy about this movie, like a fudge brownie with a hint of cinnamon. The film somehow comes together to be more than the sum of its parts, and that is a quality I find pretty irresistible.

The 1AM Movie Review Saturday Marathon, Part 1: Salaam Namaste

Netflix has been screaming, "TRY THIS MOVIE! WE THINK YOU'LL LIKE IT!" since the beginning of my Bollywood expedition. I have ignored and ignored it, dismissing it for a variety of reasons, not the least of which was my vague, shapeless dislike of Preity Zinta. Since giving Veer-Zaara another go and deciding that I kinda loved it, and after the emotional wringer that was Devdas, I was really in the mood for something upbeat. So, after scrolling through my queue looking for the perkiest cover, I ended up on Salaam Namaste.

I don't know that I exactly got the "happy happy joy joy" film I was looking for, but I did get a diverting afternoon with a couple of well-played characters. Zinta plays a loud (and I mean LOUD) Melbourne morning DJ, Amber, who ends up in an "opposites attract" relationship with punctuality-impaired Chef Nick (played by Saif Ali Khan, now Mr. Kareena Kapoor). The chemistry was believable, if not heart-stopping, particularly the "hate" portion of the "love-hate" relationship. It's always interesting to me (and slightly unwelcome) to see a Hindi film shot 100% on location outside of India, because somehow an essential component seems missing. It's as if India itself is one of the characters you look forward to watching when you see a Bollywood movie. It also tends to up the amount of English spoken in the film, which does happen here. That's a good thing for people who are jumping in the pool for the first time, or for people who struggle with subtitles; and yet, like the setting, the language is part of what makes Bollywood so special for me. I miss the rapid-fire Hindi of Shah Rukh Khan in films like this one. However, the film was a pretty fun little rework of the Hollywood film Knocked Up - some portions, like the radio brawl, were excellent. Some pieces, like the ridiculous birth scene (which pirates the movie Nine Months, as if THAT'S a good idea), were just utterly off the mark.

So, overall, I'd give this a "good starter film" status - fun, forgettable bubble-gum Yash Raj Film fare. So, stick it in the ole Netflix instant queue, but don't top list it.

Date 95 – 254: The Punishment Fits the Crime

I know this is not how metabolism works, but it's hard not to make the comparison between the 3 pounds of food I ate last night and the 3 pounds I see on the scale today; so, there it is. I wonder how many days it will take to get rid of these same 3 damn pounds? Two steps forward, one step back. Better than the opposite, but still....ugh.

Breakfast - Scrambled eggs with chives, basil, and cream cheese
Lunch – In and Out burger double double, light spread, protein style
Snack – Atkins bar
Dinner – Smoked oysters and a few cherry tomatoes

Exercise – Jazzercise; I took the plunge and bought myself a Zumba 10-visit punchcard. Hopefully I've spent enough time practicing on YouTube to survive the classes with my dignity intact.

Day 94 - 252.5: Here's a Newsflash: I Ate too Much

Of course. Because what better way to celebrate your weight loss than going to eat like you've been a contestant on Survivor for 45 days? So, I went to Capital Grille (a fantastic place, by the way) and ate and ate and ate. Smoked salmon appetizer, wedge salad with blue cheese and bacon, steak, lobster, I ate it all; because hey, don't I deserve it? I mean, I didn't have any carbs. So what's the problem if I ate enough calories to run the Boston Marathon?

What the hell is wrong with me? Why would I possibly think that rewarding weight loss with big eating makes any sense whatsoever? Of course it doesn't. And logically, I understand that it doesn't, but that doesn't stop me from talking that crazy talk to myself and going right ahead to eat anyway.

Which is why I can only plan my weight loss one day ahead. Because, healthier body or not, my head is still pretty messed up.

Breakfast - Atkins bar
Lunch - Atkins bar
Snack - mozzarella cheese
Dinner - (God, GOD, I hate typing this) smoked salmon appetizer with capers, onions, and dill aioli; wedge salad with blue cheese dressing, bacon crumbles, and tomato slice; 8oz of tenderloin; 2 lobster tails; sautéed spinach; grilled asparagus

Exercise - of course not

A reminder, and a bit of intentional healthy self-talk:
"This was a terrible choice. Utterly destructive. Feel guilty - you should. But don't hide from it. Shame lives - and dies - in secret. I don't choose shame. I choose to get up, dust off and begin again."

I. Don't. Choose. Shame. Ever. Again.

Period.

Day 93 - 251.5: We Are Not Alone

I have so much to say. I guess I've been subconsciously just building up a head of steam like a hormonal pressure cooker until it blew like lima beans onto the ceiling (an obscure reference only my mom will understand). Today I woke up more calm, peaceful, and ready to hit the day.

So, first off – how much do we love the day our period ends? It's awesome on so many levels. First off, no more having to drag out your rattiest pairs of underwear and hoping that they'll maintain hull integrity. Second, no more having to sneak into your purse in front of your class to get your little "friend" to take with you to the bathroom four times every day. And last, but certainly not least, the bonus of losing at least 2 pounds. Greatness.

Next thing – I just love it when something happens to rekindle my enthusiasm for my job. I spent the most valuable 15 minutes of the year today with a fellow teacher who has her proverbial ducks in a row. And here's the thing: it's not as if she invented fire. She's simply doing all of those things that we know how to do, but just lose sight of in all of the craziness. It's inspiring because it's doable. I get on Pinterest and say to myself, "What the hell? That's never gonna happen." She gets on Pinterest and says to herself, "how can I make this happen?" So, the hell with trying to make Pinterest work for me professionally. I'm just going to go to her room and get inspired every couple of weeks.

And finally: if I'm not mistaken, there are a couple of people out there looking at me tonight. I'm not entirely sure I'm thrilled about that. Some posts ago, I mentioned that I might like some company. Now, faced with the reality of that, I'm more thinking that it's like being caught talking to yourself in the mirror. But, since I've managed to keep up a constant stream of dialogue with myself for the past 35 years or so, I suppose it's a little late to worry about that....

Breakfast - Atkins bar
Lunch - Another Atkins bar, after which I felt hungry enough to eat the hide of a rhinoceros
Snack – a cup of coffee, cheese, and broccoli
Dinner - two vodkas and entirely too much Gouda cheese

Exercise – a little bit of BW Booty Shake, until my son couldn't stay in bed and ignore it, and then a little bit of Zumba with Nilesh

P.S. A little shout out to my girls who I'm pretty sure are listening in this evening. I feel human again today, and you're definitely part of the reason. A little Chammak Challo just for you. In the spirit of full disclosure, I think you should know that this movie, RA.One, got panned. But I loved it. And seriously, even if it did suck, look at the guy. Who gives a shit?

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Day 92-ish (I think I lost count somewhere) - 253.5: Something's GottaGive

I finished watching Devdas. This day was so inexplicably shitty, it just seemed like the perfect ending. And oh, it was. Betrayal, madness, death: Devdas had it all. I knew, knew, knew that I would be profoundly sad at the end of this movie, and it absolutely did not disappoint. Honestly though, it's pretty cathartic. I had a big, fat, nasty, ugly cry, and now I actually feel a little bit better. The scale is back to where it was before, but now I just don't trust it whatsoever. Whatever happened to my ankle has gotten progressively worse, and so now today it hurts so badly that I didn't even work out. I'll have to try tomorrow no matter what, because if I have any hope of getting off this plateau, my workouts are going to have to come up a notch. I so wanted a cookie today. Isn't that stupid? They were sitting there, and it isn't even as if they looked that good. It was just that I felt like I deserved one. That ridiculous, toxic self talk. Again, how stupid. I managed to resist: I suppose I should celebrate that, but I mostly I just feel like an idiot. You can see why Devdas was the perfect film for me today. I am in a cold, blue, funk...I need to get over myself.

Breakfast - Coffee and an Atkins bar
Lunch - a correct portion of southwest chicken casserole
Snack – an Atkins bar
Dinner - An incorrect portion of mozzarella cheese with balsamic vinegar

Exercise – none, dammit... except crying over poor, dead Shah Rukh Khan. Ugh. Even to myself I sound like a pathetic cat lady.

SNAP OUT OF IT!!!!!!!!!

Day 90 - 257

I just have nothing to say. So, so discouraged. Please, Lord, let me make it one more day, 'cause I've gotta.

Breakfast - Atkins bar
Lunch - mozzarella balls and a few tomatoes
Snack - Atkins Bar
Dinner - too much southwest chicken casserole (low-carb recipe)

Exercise - Jazzercise

Day 88 (at least it was) - 254: Party On, Garth

Surprisingly, considering how long it's been, this was my first big night out on the diet. I've been out out on "Date night" with just my husband, but this is the first time that I've been out with a group of friends for a long period of time. In all honesty, it wasn't nearly as bad as I had expected. There was a ridiculous amount of protein, and the additional side dishes were not so hard to resist. I am suffering from a "much too much sweet tea vodka" hangover, which I'm sure will get worse by tomorrow morning. But, all in all, it was a pretty fun night, and I felt fairly good about staying on the plan.

Breakfast - Atkins bar
Lunch - Fuzzy's pork taco salad
Dinner - a ridiculous amount of protein (salmon and steak) plus a Caesar salad

Exercise - Jazzercise, although watching Dil To Pagal Hai made me miss the Bollywood Booty Shake

I tried again to watch Devdas today, and I simply could not do it. It is just so, so sad. I finally decided that I need ed to watch something that would make me happy. So I watched Dil To Pagal Hai for probably the fifth time, and it makes me feel happy every single time. I really should have watched Main Hoon Na, but I'm too lazy to put in the DVD! It might be time to stick with the movies that I know I will enjoy: the SRK stories that are achingly lovely. I don't think my blood pressure can stand many more of these "Titanic" style films.

I'm not trying to make a political statement in this blog, athough I'm certainly not ashamed to share.  However,  I would mention that my political views were only a part of why took this picture today.  The other reason: it is, in fact, the end of the third month, and I thought this would be a good time for a progress report picture.  So, here I am on the 89th day of my life change:

Day 89 - 257: Where's the Friggin' JUSTICE?

So, 257 pounds is bullshit. I have not done anything wrong in the last two days: I have worked out, I have followed my diet - I have done exactly what I'm supposed to do. Sometimes the scale is just not fair. I realize this, but somehow it just doesn't make me feel any damn better. So here I am, pissed, pissed, pissed. And on top of everything else, I'm watching the movie Devdas, which is absolutely lovely and which I cannot bear to finish. It's stupid, of course, but even knowing that it's a movie, I just can't help but be unbearably sad watching it. It might just be a reflection of my mood. I suppose while feeling so defeated myself, it seems so horrible to watch such vibrant characters become so defeated themselves. Maybe I'll give it another go tomorrow, when I'm feeling a little bit better about myself and the world. For now, I'm thinking some Main Hoon Na is in order.

On the upside, another shout out to Nilesh, the Zumba badass. Bhangra Eminem? Simply inspiring.

Breakfast - Atkins Bar
Lunch - steamed mussels, squid salad, miso soup
Dinner - burger protein style

Exercise - 45 minutes of the Bollywood Booty Shake with and extra 20 minutes of Nilesh the Great.

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Day 87 - 253.5: BAM!!!!

From out of the blue - big weight loss. This was not even a stand-on-1-foot sneaky kind of weight loss, either. This was a 7 o'clock at night, after working out, wet from the shower weigh-in. After yesterday, I didn't expect to see any numbers whatsoever. However, it appears that sometimes a shitty day can yield you great results. It just goes to show you that weight loss is a fickle thing. In fairness, it could just be water weight – it was an extremely humid, nasty day here. You can take a look at my sopping, nasty workout hair and get the big picture. So, I'll take it - even if it's just for one day.




Breakfast - Atkins nut bar
Lunch - Atkins nut bar
Snack - Atkins coconut bar (sensing a trend?)
Dinner - two husband-special cheeseburger patties with horseradish sour cream

Exercise - humidity drenched Jazzercise...yeah!!....eeeewwwww.

On a Bollywood note, I've reached a sad milestone: the first SRK movie that I can't manage even to finish. The movie Trimurti is bad - epically, astoundingly bad. It's strange and creepy, and the girl playing against SRK (Anjali Jathar) is both stiff and melodramatic, if that's even possible. The only redeeming thing I've seen so far is SRK in drag, which is strangely alluring even while it's ridiculous. So, ugh. How depressing. I hope I haven't reached the moment where every good SRK movie been watched, and I'm left slogging through the flotsam. That will be a sad day, indeed.

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Day 86 - 256.5: Relapse

My head is pounding, I can barely stay awake. It's not been that bad of a day, it's just that a lot of little things got to me. I just can't make it happen tonight. Sorry everyone.

Day 85 - 255.5: A change of Wardrobe...Not as Great as it Sounds

Pear-shaped woman reality check: Get fatter, get thinner-you're still pear-shaped. So, as I'm going through my clothes and trying to figure out what doesn't fit anymore, I realized that my top and bottom has gone from one size apart to two sizes apart. Essentially this means that now I have even less in the way of boobs than I did before, and a butt that's still almost exactly the same size. I was able to get rid of three or four pair of really horrible fat pants, Plus some size 26/28 shirts that were just dangling off of me. But, have you ever tried to put on a button-down shirt that is two sizes too small on the butt? Well I'm here to tell you: it's not pretty. It's fairly tempting to continue to wear the big bags that were passing for shirts, But I know that everyone wants to see me wearing "new, skinny clothes" ...woo hoo! I guess everyone's positive comments about how cute I look in my "new clothes" (and by "new", I mean "hidden in closet for two years") will counteract the fact that I feel like ass when I look in the mirror.

So, let's recap:
Size 18/20 top half - yeah!!!!!!
Size 24 or 26 pants - WTF????
Body image - in the crapper.

Questions????????

Breakfast - other half of yesterdays's omelette
Lunch - protein bar
Dinner - VERY NAUGHTY 3x3 burger, animal style from In and Out. So too much, but yummmmmm.

Exercise - took the kids to Jazzercise - one does what one must. In any event, they were WONDERFUL (thus the burgers!). Good intense, but maybe a bit much too soon - very hard to breathe.

Ambien's working...time to go.....

The 1AM Movie Review: Baadshah

So, no one has commented on this movie thread in three years, so I thought I'd give it a resurrection because I just laughed my ass off all afternoon!  I watched the first 40 minutes of Baadshah  while I was suffering from insomnia a few nights ago and gotten myself all adrenaline pumped after watching "Main To Hoon Pagal" (reminiscent of "Cuban Pete from The Mask, but Jim Carrey vs. SRK? No freakin' contest).  Then my husband pulled the plug and life intervened, but I laughed aloud at random intervals for the next three days.  And I didn't know I hadn't even gotten to the best parts yet!  

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Now, I will agree that Twinkle Khanna was a big, fat casting "NO" - just about every other actress I've seen would have been better.  I mean, Aish had far more chemistry as SRK's SISTER in Josh than poor Twinkle could muster up.  Nevertheless, SRK manned up and gave his sexy, passionate all, so how can I complain too much?   

I also have to agree that Johnny Lever is sort of growing on me...this was a BIG step up from the creepy puppet master in Koyla, dude, no question.    Speaking of, I actually liked Amrish Puri a hell of a lot better in this film, as well.

So, if Baadshah has been on your "don't bother" list, you might want to get it back on your Netflix queue - I just sent it back in for you!

Day 83 - 256.5: Playing Hurt

Today's fat girl reality check: falling hurts like hell. Couple that with being sick already, and it's absolutely crippling.

As one might expect, I have managed in the first six weeks to get my first nasty infection from my students. I felt like absolute death this morning, but I decided this afternoon (after a badass cortisone shot) I felt enough back in the game to try and work out. So, no matter how much I love my Bollywood, it was an absolute beat-down. I stagger into the bathroom and get myself cleaned up, then crawl out to dry off. I take three steps into the bedroom to grab something, and when I walk back into the bathroom - bam - I slip on the wet floor onto the ground, right on my left knee with 256.5 pounds of momentum behind it. Plus, even though I couldn't ever find it, I know I landed on something sharp. So, not only does it feel like I broke my kneecap, it also feels like someone stabbed me.

So here I am: my throat is killing me, I can't breathe, and my knee feels like it's about to explode. Am I sorry I went through all of that ridiculousness to work out? Absolutely not. Here's hoping everything has recovered enough by tomorrow for another go.

Breakfast - Atkins Peanut Caramel Cluster Bar - this thing tasted EXACTLY LIKE a PayDay bar: I recommend it highly.
Lunch - a splurge (NOT a cheat!): Italian sausage with Classico Poblano Alfredo sauce over fresh spinach - very yummy, and a nice change of pace.
Dinner - Atkins Caramel Chocolate Peanut Nougat Bar - this one I do not recommend, especially if you struggle with that "faux chocolate" business like I do.

Exercise - see train wreck above

Day 80 - 258.5: Up Again

Damn debate got me all worked up. Ggrrrr...going to take pills. The hell with it.

Day 79 - 257.5: Insomnia

I can't sleep. Or, more precisely, I don't want to sleep because I don't want to wake up and go to work tomorrow. So now I've watched the first 40 minutes of Baadshah (so bad it's good) and gotten myself all adrenaline pumped after watching "Main To Hoon Pagal" (reminiscent of "Cuban Pete from The Mask, but Jim Carrey vs. SRK? No freakin' contest).

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I need to take my pills and crash, but I'm sort of in denial. The song "Woh Ladki Jo" is about to come on, so maybe after that...or not.

Breakfast - Atkins meal bar (no latte - tears)
Lunch - 4 slices of cheese and a handful of almonds
Dinner - braised chicken with green onion; handful of red grapes (so yummy!)

Exercise - nothing. Ugh - guilt. Jazzercise tomorrow for sure.

Day 78 - 259: Tears of Farewell to my Latte

I'm giving up my lattes for a month. I'm deeply saddened about it - It was one of the treats I look forward to every morning. It got me through the day with its 500 calories of half-and-half sugarfree, caramelly goodness. People at Starbucks knew my name. They knew what order I wanted, and they even knew what kind of music I would be listening to when I came around the corner. But it has been 11 days, and I haven't seen any improvement. The only thing I can see stands out and says,"Hey look at me! I'm not following the rules!" is this latte. So i decided today, October 1, to call it cold turkey for one month. You know, I'm terrified. We'll see...

Breakfast - Plain old coffee with sugar free creamer and an Atkins bar
lunch - Atkins bar
Dinner - 1 strawberry, 6 oz. mozzarella

Exercise - 30 minute Jazzercise

BORING!!!!!!!!