2012 didn't start out as a banner year: not bad, really - just a sort of let-down. 2011 had ended with an enormous goal being met as I received my Master's degree, but 2012 was offering up not much in the way of opportunity. Without something to occupy every waking moment, and some sleeping ones, I found myself at mental and emotional loose ends. Years of bad habits and worse self-talk began to dominate my life. It was a sort of gradual, seemingly inexorable slide that I could neither pinpoint nor stop. By mid-year, I was in a bad, bad place, and I didn't really even know how I got there.
And then, a light turned on. A strange, wonderfully silly movie made me smile, then another made me tap my foot, and another made me dance. A look in the mirror made me scared and pissed instead of sad and defeated. A moment of insight turned into a public statement of accountability. An actor immortal to half the planet but utterly unknown in my world became my workout partner, language coach, and fangirl crush. One day at a time, I began to return to my life. I began losing weight, which was awesome, but more importantly, I found my inner smile again.
And here, on the edge of the new year, I look back on 2012 and know that I haven't met any goal for weight, or fitness, or even faithful blog writing. But here's what I did do: I began. I stood up. I moved my ass. I chose what I ate. I decided to live differently. Some days I failed, but every day I faced with intention.
I can live with that. Come on 2013...I'm waiting.
Monday, December 31, 2012
Sunday, December 30, 2012
The 1 AM Movie Review: Phir Bhi Dil Hai Hindustani
I got this movie for Christmas from my sweet husband who just looked for SRK's name in the stars list and went for it. I knew that the movie had done really, really badly at the box office, but I really like the SRK/Juhi jodi situation; plus, that movie was right around the time where SRK basically reached peak hotness for me (2000-2004 hair is THE BEST), so I went for it.
It must show my "way-too-American-and-15-years-too-late-out-of-touch"iness, but I sorta dug this movie.
SRK and Juhi Chawla play "Anderson Cooper meets TMZ" style reporters who begin as no holds barred rivals then join forces to reveal some true news. Of course, because it's required filmi, the two fall in love in the process. And did I mention that they successfully stage a massive populist rebellion against a corrupt relationship between politicians and the media? All while staying gorgeous throughout...except when SRK ends up with his sexy face beaten, just a bit (not too much, now - can't have any swelling). Because, really - how can he have his dramatic ending without a bloody cheek? I mean, you've SEEN DDLJ, right?
But seriously. The item numbers were high energy, sexy, silly fun. Juhi is looking pretty damn adorable throughout this film, and her dancing is clean and strong. The song "I'm the Best" is seriously addictive, and SRK as Elvis? That's a perfect fit. The story line was OTT but still engaging, and the movie was both funny and serious in the right places. I especially love the cat. Just watch - you'll see..."I LOVE cats."
Honestly, I wouldn't mind seeing some more of this kind of film from SRK. Although, in the wake of JTHJ and with Chennai Express on the way, I don't suppose I'll hold my breath...
It must show my "way-too-American-and-15-years-too-late-out-of-touch"iness, but I sorta dug this movie.
SRK and Juhi Chawla play "Anderson Cooper meets TMZ" style reporters who begin as no holds barred rivals then join forces to reveal some true news. Of course, because it's required filmi, the two fall in love in the process. And did I mention that they successfully stage a massive populist rebellion against a corrupt relationship between politicians and the media? All while staying gorgeous throughout...except when SRK ends up with his sexy face beaten, just a bit (not too much, now - can't have any swelling). Because, really - how can he have his dramatic ending without a bloody cheek? I mean, you've SEEN DDLJ, right?
But seriously. The item numbers were high energy, sexy, silly fun. Juhi is looking pretty damn adorable throughout this film, and her dancing is clean and strong. The song "I'm the Best" is seriously addictive, and SRK as Elvis? That's a perfect fit. The story line was OTT but still engaging, and the movie was both funny and serious in the right places. I especially love the cat. Just watch - you'll see..."I LOVE cats."
Honestly, I wouldn't mind seeing some more of this kind of film from SRK. Although, in the wake of JTHJ and with Chennai Express on the way, I don't suppose I'll hold my breath...
Day 167 - 235.8: Bookworm
It's not great for my family when I find a new book series to read. It's especially a problem when I find the series all ready completed, as was the case with the "Seven Realms" series I just finished today. My poor family basically lost me for three straight days. Plus, a Christmas present became irresistible, so I spent a couple of additional hours watching Phir Bhi Dil Hai Hindustani... more on that later.
It could be that I am just in Christmas un-decorating denial.
Breakfast - scrambled eggs with Swiss cheese
Lunch - 3 mini meatballs and an Atkins bar
Dinner - lunchmeat and cheese wraps
It could be that I am just in Christmas un-decorating denial.
Breakfast - scrambled eggs with Swiss cheese
Lunch - 3 mini meatballs and an Atkins bar
Dinner - lunchmeat and cheese wraps
Saturday, December 29, 2012
Day 166 - 236.4: Just a Number....Right
"They" (meaning whoever spouts off platitudes) talk about a lot of things as being "just a number": age is just a number, weight is just a number, clothing size is just a number.
Yeah, ummm.....bullshit.
You say things like that are "just a number" for one of two reasons: one, you are trying to pretend something doesn't matter when it does; or two, you don't have anything to worry about. So, for instance, age is "just a number" when you're 70 looking back at 40, or when you're 25 pretending like you've lived an actual life by then.
In my case, weight is not "just a number": it's a battle. Every 10th of a pound is a fight, a fight I worry about losing every day. Five pounds in a month? Only one pound in the last 16 days? Not only is that a fight, it's freakin' trench warfare. "You take one pound off, you put one pound back, you take one pound off, and you readjust your fat..." It's the Hokey Pokey from HELL. This number can make (or more often recently, break) my attitude for the day. It matters.
My pants size, too, is not "just a number", but a visceral reminder each day of the size of my butt and my progress, or lack thereof. Today, a rockstar moment: I put on a size 18 jeans that fit. Granted, they are probably the largest size 18 ever, but that's exactly my point: the number, it matters. Wearing a pair of pants without a 2 on the label? That's an emotional victory. It matters.
Time will pass, and these numbers, the symbols of this moment, will fade into the blur of the past. But in this moment, each is more than "just a number": they are signposts along the way, guiding me from one day to the next. AND. THEY. MATTER.
Breakfast - latte
Lunch - carnitas salad from Freebirds
Dinner - homemade "unwich"
Exercise - Jazzercise
In a brief Bollywood moment: my husband installed our new Blu-Ray player today, and I re-watched Kabhi Khushi Kabhie Gham, which I love, love, love, even for all its ridiculous emotional pandering and melodrama. Everyone is just so damn gorgeous in this movie. And that scene in the carnival with SRK putting those bangles on Kajol? Weak in the knees, baby, weak in the KNEES.
Yeah, ummm.....bullshit.
You say things like that are "just a number" for one of two reasons: one, you are trying to pretend something doesn't matter when it does; or two, you don't have anything to worry about. So, for instance, age is "just a number" when you're 70 looking back at 40, or when you're 25 pretending like you've lived an actual life by then.
In my case, weight is not "just a number": it's a battle. Every 10th of a pound is a fight, a fight I worry about losing every day. Five pounds in a month? Only one pound in the last 16 days? Not only is that a fight, it's freakin' trench warfare. "You take one pound off, you put one pound back, you take one pound off, and you readjust your fat..." It's the Hokey Pokey from HELL. This number can make (or more often recently, break) my attitude for the day. It matters.
My pants size, too, is not "just a number", but a visceral reminder each day of the size of my butt and my progress, or lack thereof. Today, a rockstar moment: I put on a size 18 jeans that fit. Granted, they are probably the largest size 18 ever, but that's exactly my point: the number, it matters. Wearing a pair of pants without a 2 on the label? That's an emotional victory. It matters.
Time will pass, and these numbers, the symbols of this moment, will fade into the blur of the past. But in this moment, each is more than "just a number": they are signposts along the way, guiding me from one day to the next. AND. THEY. MATTER.
Breakfast - latte
Lunch - carnitas salad from Freebirds
Dinner - homemade "unwich"
Exercise - Jazzercise
In a brief Bollywood moment: my husband installed our new Blu-Ray player today, and I re-watched Kabhi Khushi Kabhie Gham, which I love, love, love, even for all its ridiculous emotional pandering and melodrama. Everyone is just so damn gorgeous in this movie. And that scene in the carnival with SRK putting those bangles on Kajol? Weak in the knees, baby, weak in the KNEES.
Thursday, December 27, 2012
Day 164 - 237.0: Waking from the Long Winter's Nap
I've basically been asleep for two days. I did go to Jazzercise this morning, and I've read a couple of books. But essentially, I've been napping.... not physically, just mentally. It's as if I I have needed to hibernate for a bit, to regenerate myself, so to speak. Now, I'm a little bit overdone – a little bit cramped, a little bit strung out, and a lot ready to get up tomorrow and do something....like watch 12 hours of Bollywood.
Breakfast - the latte and some almonds
Lunch - spicy tomato grilled chicken with green beans
Dinner - more chicken and beans
Exercise - Jazzercise
Breakfast - the latte and some almonds
Lunch - spicy tomato grilled chicken with green beans
Dinner - more chicken and beans
Exercise - Jazzercise
Monday, December 24, 2012
Christmas Eve - 11:37 PM
The stockings were hung by the chimney with care...
Weight at 11:30 PM: 238.8
Attitude: exhausted and ready
Weight at 11:30 PM: 238.8
Attitude: exhausted and ready
Christmas Eve - 5:33 PM
Peace at last. I'm rewarding myself with Pride and Prejudice and hot tea. Egg casserole in the oven, cookie dough ready....T-minus 6.5 hours and counting.
Attitude: relief
Attitude: relief
Christmas Eve - 11:02 AM
Finished an entire hour at Jazzercise, which makes me feel like I got something done today for me. Day three with my in-laws is about to begin...yep.
Weight at 11:00 AM: 237.2
Attitude: equal parts resigned and at peace
Weight at 11:00 AM: 237.2
Attitude: equal parts resigned and at peace
Christmas Eve - 8:23 AM
So, the holiday season has not been kind to my Bollywood fetish or my blogging habits. In an effort to work out my business and get back on track, I'm going to try a different approach - the "Twitter timeline carpet bomb" approach. Here we go:
Drinking a sugar-free breve peppermint mocha at Starbucks - sneaked out of my house to Jazzercise @ 9.
Weight at 7:45 AM: 237.6
Attitude: cautiously optimistic
Drinking a sugar-free breve peppermint mocha at Starbucks - sneaked out of my house to Jazzercise @ 9.
Weight at 7:45 AM: 237.6
Attitude: cautiously optimistic
Sunday, December 16, 2012
Day 153 - 240: Highs and Lows
It's been a whirlwind couple of days, full of great joy and unspeakable sadness. On Friday, I learned with the rest of the country that in a classroom far from my own, and yet somehow right next door, an act of unfathomable violence took the lives of teachers just like me and of children just like my younger son. How do we reassure our children about their safety in the face of such a violation? How do we let our own children walk out the door to face the risk of such violence and uncertainty? I don't have answers.
That same night I had the great honor to be selected by my peers as Teacher of the Year. Afterwards a group of close friends came to my house and sang and danced and laughed the night away.
Today I had the opportunity to go to the House that Jerry Built and watch my beloved Pittsburgh Steelers with my mom. My Steelers lost, in overtime, as is typical – ripping my heart out of my chest. But I got to spend an afternoon with my favorite person watching my favorite team play my favorite sport. It's hard to feel anything but joy in that.
Upon returning home, I sat down with my husband and listened to President Obama's remarks at the memorial for those precious fallen children and brave educators in Newtown. I look over and see my silly, precious tiara right laying on a table next to a president speaking of teachers who died for their students this week.
I feel love, and gratitude, and pain. I feel so vulnerable, so small.... so resolved. I will walk into my classroom tomorrow, and I will hold their hands, and I will comfort their hearts, and I will teach their minds. I will go to school, and I will do the job. And then I will come home, I will hold my boys tight, and I will fill them with a mother's love.
I've been blessed with this life, and so I will live it...'cause I've gotta.
Friday:
Breakfast - latte
Lunch - Atkins bar
Dinner - Italian sausage and caprese salad
Dessert - a couple of random cocktails...
Exercise - frenetic party jam and Just Dance Wii
Saturday:
Brunch – fantastic omelette at Vickery Blvd. Café
Dinner – Freebirds burrito bowl and a piece of grilled chicken
Snack – another piece of grilled chicken
Exercise - Jazzercise
Sunday:
Breakfast – two pieces of grilled chicken
Lunch – uninspiring steak and broccoli from Chili's
Dinner – two more pieces of grilled chicken
Exercise - contact football fan
That same night I had the great honor to be selected by my peers as Teacher of the Year. Afterwards a group of close friends came to my house and sang and danced and laughed the night away.
Today I had the opportunity to go to the House that Jerry Built and watch my beloved Pittsburgh Steelers with my mom. My Steelers lost, in overtime, as is typical – ripping my heart out of my chest. But I got to spend an afternoon with my favorite person watching my favorite team play my favorite sport. It's hard to feel anything but joy in that.
Upon returning home, I sat down with my husband and listened to President Obama's remarks at the memorial for those precious fallen children and brave educators in Newtown. I look over and see my silly, precious tiara right laying on a table next to a president speaking of teachers who died for their students this week.
I feel love, and gratitude, and pain. I feel so vulnerable, so small.... so resolved. I will walk into my classroom tomorrow, and I will hold their hands, and I will comfort their hearts, and I will teach their minds. I will go to school, and I will do the job. And then I will come home, I will hold my boys tight, and I will fill them with a mother's love.
I've been blessed with this life, and so I will live it...'cause I've gotta.
Friday:
Breakfast - latte
Lunch - Atkins bar
Dinner - Italian sausage and caprese salad
Dessert - a couple of random cocktails...
Exercise - frenetic party jam and Just Dance Wii
Saturday:
Brunch – fantastic omelette at Vickery Blvd. Café
Dinner – Freebirds burrito bowl and a piece of grilled chicken
Snack – another piece of grilled chicken
Exercise - Jazzercise
Sunday:
Breakfast – two pieces of grilled chicken
Lunch – uninspiring steak and broccoli from Chili's
Dinner – two more pieces of grilled chicken
Exercise - contact football fan
Labels:
children,
Diet,
exercise,
Jazzercise,
journal,
Newton,
Obama,
Pittsburgh,
Steelers,
teacher,
Teacher of the year
Thursday, December 13, 2012
Day 150 - 237.4: Waterlogged
I drank about 60 ounces of water in a single sitting this evening. It was the best thing I could think of to divert myself from the frantic crave for comfort food. This was maybe the biggest challenge in these last 150 days of the program, this primal urge to suffocate my anger and anxiety with food.
So now I am sloshy, but I resisted, and the crisis has passed. One of the little victories on the way.
Breakfast - guts of 2 burritos
Lunch - rest of breakfast
Dinner - hot&sour soup and beef with green beans
Exercise - does gift wrapping count?
So now I am sloshy, but I resisted, and the crisis has passed. One of the little victories on the way.
Breakfast - guts of 2 burritos
Lunch - rest of breakfast
Dinner - hot&sour soup and beef with green beans
Exercise - does gift wrapping count?
Tuesday, December 11, 2012
Day 148 - 238.2: A Good Day, Yaar
All in all, this day was alright. My students stepped up and did their thing, and I managed to get a work out in even with an unbelievably aching toe, so I would call that a victory. Oh, and did I mention my weight is at a 6 YEAR LOW? I'll take that, baby. Bring on the celebration! Ohhhh...what's that, you say? No one cares? It's the holiday, and everyone else has their own shit going on? Even the people who love me are sick of hearing about it?
I know, I know. That's why I'm out here with you. If you get sick of hearing about it and stop listening, I don't know to be hurt by it. It's a win – win. So, thanks, yaar...
Breakfast - Atkins bar and latte
Lunch - leftover carne asada and flame-thrower chicken
Dinner - Swiss cheese with brown mustard
Dessert - ricotta with stevia and cinnamon - yum.
Exercise - 40 minutes of Just Dance 4 - the game is way, WAY fun, people.
I know, I know. That's why I'm out here with you. If you get sick of hearing about it and stop listening, I don't know to be hurt by it. It's a win – win. So, thanks, yaar...
Breakfast - Atkins bar and latte
Lunch - leftover carne asada and flame-thrower chicken
Dinner - Swiss cheese with brown mustard
Dessert - ricotta with stevia and cinnamon - yum.
Exercise - 40 minutes of Just Dance 4 - the game is way, WAY fun, people.
Monday, December 10, 2012
Day 147 - 239.6: Snow...yeah!....eh.
The day started out promising, with a light dusting of snow, but rapidly turned into a typical day, doing typical things. I had an evening school event, so no workout, which is probably why I feel blah. I also have an infected toe which is bothering the hell out of me. I probably need to go get that looked at tomorrow. Nice, right? I know you couldn't have gone to bed without hearing all about that.
I do have a couple of movies to check out: Pyaar Kiya To Darna Kya, starring Salman Khan and Kajol; and Band Baaja Baaraat, starring Anushka Sharma (love!) and Ranveer Singh. I'll keep you posted...
Breakfast - Atkins bar and mixed nuts
Lunch - skipped...and regretted it
First dinner - 2 1/2 pieces of spicy chicken and carne asada from Regio
Second dinner - about 5 bites of grilled chicken and ground beef in spicy green sauce
Exercise - no. And I miss it.
I WANT TO LOSE SOME WEIGHT!!!!! The slow pace is starting to wear on my resolve...
I do have a couple of movies to check out: Pyaar Kiya To Darna Kya, starring Salman Khan and Kajol; and Band Baaja Baaraat, starring Anushka Sharma (love!) and Ranveer Singh. I'll keep you posted...
Breakfast - Atkins bar and mixed nuts
Lunch - skipped...and regretted it
First dinner - 2 1/2 pieces of spicy chicken and carne asada from Regio
Second dinner - about 5 bites of grilled chicken and ground beef in spicy green sauce
Exercise - no. And I miss it.
I WANT TO LOSE SOME WEIGHT!!!!! The slow pace is starting to wear on my resolve...
Sunday, December 9, 2012
Day 146 - 239.8: And So It Goes
This time of year often gets to be on autopilot: clean this, wrap that, attend this event, host that event, shop, eat, eat, eat. It can be a challenging time to stay on the plan. It is for this reason I am so grateful that I began 145 days ago to create new routines. What does that mean? Well, it means even with 5 different holiday events in the last week, I still managed to lose a bit and get in at least 3 days of exercise. I don't mean to brag, but...
Breakfast - Mexican omelette from Marquez Bakery
Lunch - chicken and ground beef with insanely spicy green sauce, coffee
Dinner - not hungry after lunch ... just leftover coffee
Exercise - 45 minutes of Just Dance 4, Bhangra badass - check out my earlier blog for the run down
Breakfast - Mexican omelette from Marquez Bakery
Lunch - chicken and ground beef with insanely spicy green sauce, coffee
Dinner - not hungry after lunch ... just leftover coffee
Exercise - 45 minutes of Just Dance 4, Bhangra badass - check out my earlier blog for the run down
The 5 PM Video Game Review – Just Dance 4
I treated myself to an early Christmas gift. I'm having a party Friday; to either celebrate my victory as Teacher of the Year, or to drown my sorrows for losing once again (in a manner of speaking), and I thought that Just Dance 4 would be a more festive alternative to beer pong. I popped in the game today, and low and behold...
BHANGRA!!!!! That's right people - Bollywood Wii. (The song, "Mundian To Bach Ke", is also featured on Dance Central 3.) Granted, it's only one song, and it's sharing disc space with "Never Gonna Give You Up" by Rick Astley, but hey – it's there.
The song has the "crew" feature, which means that there are four separate parts to on the song. So, for me, that means four different routines to learn. I just finished dancing to the same song for 45 straight minutes, and I still didn't quite ace it. It's a strange combination of Bhangra and hip-hop that takes a bit of time to grow accustomed to. Additionally, the Wii is not always very sympathetic to unique styles of dancing, so it doesn't necessarily dig my moves. Nevertheless, it's a fun routine reminiscent of team Signature made famous on the show Britain's Got Talent.
I'm sure it won't be too terribly long before I get completely sick of the song. I suspect in a few weeks I will be ready to move on to Carly Rae Jepsen or P!nk or The Black-Eyed Peas or whoever else is on the disc. But for now, I'm bustin' out the Bhangra, and I'm in heaven.
BHANGRA!!!!! That's right people - Bollywood Wii. (The song, "Mundian To Bach Ke", is also featured on Dance Central 3.) Granted, it's only one song, and it's sharing disc space with "Never Gonna Give You Up" by Rick Astley, but hey – it's there.
The song has the "crew" feature, which means that there are four separate parts to on the song. So, for me, that means four different routines to learn. I just finished dancing to the same song for 45 straight minutes, and I still didn't quite ace it. It's a strange combination of Bhangra and hip-hop that takes a bit of time to grow accustomed to. Additionally, the Wii is not always very sympathetic to unique styles of dancing, so it doesn't necessarily dig my moves. Nevertheless, it's a fun routine reminiscent of team Signature made famous on the show Britain's Got Talent.
I'm sure it won't be too terribly long before I get completely sick of the song. I suspect in a few weeks I will be ready to move on to Carly Rae Jepsen or P!nk or The Black-Eyed Peas or whoever else is on the disc. But for now, I'm bustin' out the Bhangra, and I'm in heaven.
Friday, December 7, 2012
Day 144 - 241: New Toy
New app called Word Collage - addicting.
Breakfast - tacos with chorizo, egg, & cheese
Lunch - 2 Slim Jim's and an Atkins bar (oh, YEAH?????)
Dinner - more street taco guts and 1/4 orange
Exercise - surviving the day
Man, I suck today. Tomorrow, something brilliant, plus a movie review, I swear.
Breakfast - tacos with chorizo, egg, & cheese
Lunch - 2 Slim Jim's and an Atkins bar (oh, YEAH?????)
Dinner - more street taco guts and 1/4 orange
Exercise - surviving the day
Man, I suck today. Tomorrow, something brilliant, plus a movie review, I swear.
Wednesday, December 5, 2012
Day 142: Faculty Luncheons, Receptions, and Happy Hour, Oh My!
Okay, it's like this: people want you to be like them. It makes them nervous when you're not. Just try this on for size: go to an event, like an office party, a baby shower, a holiday happy hour, and don't eat what they're serving. I'm telling you, everyone in the place will make it their mission to:
1. Tell you why this occasion is an official pass from your (and their) diet
2. Tell you everything on the buffet table, menu, or bar list that is on your diet, in case you're not clear
3. Tell you how sorry they are you can't have the cake/lasagna/punch/fried pickles because they are just SOOO good and are you SURE you can't have just a little bit? (Please refer to item 1)
Now, to be clear, I'm not pissed off by such actions. I get it. The compulsion to have people where you are, for good or ill, is a strong one. When I ate whatever batshit crazy thing I wanted, I sure as hell wanted everyone else on the sin wagon right along with me. Now that I have adjusted my lifestyle and my eating habits somewhat, I find myself urging on the people I love to come along for the ride. You and I, we want company on whatever path we walk. No one wants to feel totally alone.
But this is what I want people to hear, whatever three or so of you might be listening out there: just because I have celery on my plate and not pasta, just because I'm not eating the cake and punch, just because I'm not clearing out the chip bowl: it doesn't mean that I'm feeling deprived. I'm happy to just be there with you. I enjoy the company and the conversation. Would I like a chip? Possibly. Can I resist it? I can...and it's even easier for me to do so when you don't make a situation out of it.
Breakfast - Atkins bar and a latte
Lunch - celery, a couple of slices of Gouda cheese and roast beast (courtesy of my awesome friend Stacy)
Reception food - none, despite a lot of urging on the part of everyone there
Dinner - two Grey Gooses and a plate of queso fundido that I should have only eaten half of (at the moment it's like a rock on my stomach)
Exercise - 35 minutes of the BW Booty Shake: a better experience than Monday, for sure. I put all of my original songs back into the playlist - it was like a family reunion, except with hot Shahrukh Khan instead of your skeevy uncle and a thousand cousins you've never heard of....wow. Family issues, anyone?
In a brief postscript, let me just add that I'm looking at my front Christmas tree right now, and it makes me just as happy tonight as it did the first day. Here's a clip from the film Kuch Kuch Hota Hai that makes me feel the same way:
1. Tell you why this occasion is an official pass from your (and their) diet
2. Tell you everything on the buffet table, menu, or bar list that is on your diet, in case you're not clear
3. Tell you how sorry they are you can't have the cake/lasagna/punch/fried pickles because they are just SOOO good and are you SURE you can't have just a little bit? (Please refer to item 1)
Now, to be clear, I'm not pissed off by such actions. I get it. The compulsion to have people where you are, for good or ill, is a strong one. When I ate whatever batshit crazy thing I wanted, I sure as hell wanted everyone else on the sin wagon right along with me. Now that I have adjusted my lifestyle and my eating habits somewhat, I find myself urging on the people I love to come along for the ride. You and I, we want company on whatever path we walk. No one wants to feel totally alone.
But this is what I want people to hear, whatever three or so of you might be listening out there: just because I have celery on my plate and not pasta, just because I'm not eating the cake and punch, just because I'm not clearing out the chip bowl: it doesn't mean that I'm feeling deprived. I'm happy to just be there with you. I enjoy the company and the conversation. Would I like a chip? Possibly. Can I resist it? I can...and it's even easier for me to do so when you don't make a situation out of it.
Breakfast - Atkins bar and a latte
Lunch - celery, a couple of slices of Gouda cheese and roast beast (courtesy of my awesome friend Stacy)
Reception food - none, despite a lot of urging on the part of everyone there
Dinner - two Grey Gooses and a plate of queso fundido that I should have only eaten half of (at the moment it's like a rock on my stomach)
Exercise - 35 minutes of the BW Booty Shake: a better experience than Monday, for sure. I put all of my original songs back into the playlist - it was like a family reunion, except with hot Shahrukh Khan instead of your skeevy uncle and a thousand cousins you've never heard of....wow. Family issues, anyone?
In a brief postscript, let me just add that I'm looking at my front Christmas tree right now, and it makes me just as happy tonight as it did the first day. Here's a clip from the film Kuch Kuch Hota Hai that makes me feel the same way:
Monday, December 3, 2012
Day 140 – 242: Pouting in the Red Tent
I hate having my period. I'm grouchy, I'm oily, and I feel gross and dirty all the time. I feel both constantly dehydrated and constantly bloated. How is that even possible? On top of all that, I have a fairly miserable sinus headache at the moment. So, I'm driving home feeling both totally plugged up and totally leaky all at the same time, and I'm thinking to myself, "There is no way in hell I am going to work out." I come home, I do homework, I take a nice long shower, and I get ready for bed. I should be cozy, warm, and comfortable. But I feel even more shitty then I did before. Why? Because I didn't work out, dammit.
So, I got up and forced my way through 30 minutes of the BW Booty Shake. I won't lie and say that halfway through, everything became wonderful. It didn't. By the time I was finished, 30 minutes later, I felt cranky, sticky and gross all over again. Plus, when I weighed myself after, I weighed a half a pound more than I had before I started working out. There is just no justice in that whatsoever. But, here it is: it needed doing, the working out. Why? Because I've been slipping down the slope. Not in a big way: I haven't jumped off the ledge, broken my diet completely, or simply stopped working out. And yet, the last week has not been what it should have. I haven't been blogging, which says that I haven't been real with myself. I found myself spending hour after hour in and out of the kitchen yesterday, just trying to find something to shove in my face. I didn't break the diet, but I didn't really follow it, either. I worked out Saturday, but I could have worked out harder, and I could have worked out Sunday. I needed to remind myself today that this thing that I'm doing: it's a choice. It is necessary, but it is optional. I choose to save myself, or to not.
I've been in a slump, and the visit from my little friend certainly doesn't help. So, here I am, glaring at the world from the red tent. My visitor isn't leaving town tomorrow, and I have a good 14-hour day ahead of me. None of that is going to magically get better because I wish it to...but I can. I can be better tomorrow. Will I? I suppose we'll see.
So, I got up and forced my way through 30 minutes of the BW Booty Shake. I won't lie and say that halfway through, everything became wonderful. It didn't. By the time I was finished, 30 minutes later, I felt cranky, sticky and gross all over again. Plus, when I weighed myself after, I weighed a half a pound more than I had before I started working out. There is just no justice in that whatsoever. But, here it is: it needed doing, the working out. Why? Because I've been slipping down the slope. Not in a big way: I haven't jumped off the ledge, broken my diet completely, or simply stopped working out. And yet, the last week has not been what it should have. I haven't been blogging, which says that I haven't been real with myself. I found myself spending hour after hour in and out of the kitchen yesterday, just trying to find something to shove in my face. I didn't break the diet, but I didn't really follow it, either. I worked out Saturday, but I could have worked out harder, and I could have worked out Sunday. I needed to remind myself today that this thing that I'm doing: it's a choice. It is necessary, but it is optional. I choose to save myself, or to not.
I've been in a slump, and the visit from my little friend certainly doesn't help. So, here I am, glaring at the world from the red tent. My visitor isn't leaving town tomorrow, and I have a good 14-hour day ahead of me. None of that is going to magically get better because I wish it to...but I can. I can be better tomorrow. Will I? I suppose we'll see.
Friday, November 30, 2012
Day 137 - 241.8: Mission Accomplished...?
Honestly, I'm not very good at finishing what I start. My life is filled with the half done: half folded laundry, half graded papers, half-made projects, half-assed efforts. I am so easily distracted by both the mundane and the ridiculous, it can be almost crippling. That's why it is especially fulfilling for me to be able to dust off my hands and say, "job done".
This weekend stretches out before me with an endless list of tasks that must be completed. At times, the goals I set for myself are impossible, really. I fail before I even start, defeated by an overwhelming agenda. Often I simply can't even bring myself to begin. So how do I combat this life-threatening ennui? If I can't even get my weekend chores done, how can I change my life?
It's a sobering thought. I suppose I will tackle the necessary deeds of the weekend the same way I tackle staying on the plan: I will get up tomorrow, I will say to myself, "Just for now, I will do what is necessary." Hopefully, neither the plan nor the to-do list will defeat me.
Breakfast – latte and almonds
Lunch – the innards of three street tacos
Dinner – Pork rind nachos: not nearly as good as the first time
Exercise – decorating the tree. It doesn't really count, but it's better than sitting on my ass watching television...marginally.
This weekend stretches out before me with an endless list of tasks that must be completed. At times, the goals I set for myself are impossible, really. I fail before I even start, defeated by an overwhelming agenda. Often I simply can't even bring myself to begin. So how do I combat this life-threatening ennui? If I can't even get my weekend chores done, how can I change my life?
It's a sobering thought. I suppose I will tackle the necessary deeds of the weekend the same way I tackle staying on the plan: I will get up tomorrow, I will say to myself, "Just for now, I will do what is necessary." Hopefully, neither the plan nor the to-do list will defeat me.
Breakfast – latte and almonds
Lunch – the innards of three street tacos
Dinner – Pork rind nachos: not nearly as good as the first time
Exercise – decorating the tree. It doesn't really count, but it's better than sitting on my ass watching television...marginally.
Labels:
Diet,
distracted,
ennui,
exercise,
half,
journal,
list,
overwhelmed
Wednesday, November 28, 2012
Day 135 - 241: Creeping Crud
Feel like ass. There it is.
Breakfast - Yummy breakfast taco innards from the gas station. I'm not being sarcastic....they were awesome.
Lunch - skipped: lunch duty - awesome. (That was sarcasm.)
Dinner - a massive protein fix that didn't help me feel better and probably set me back two weeks.
Exercise - none. No excuse. I feel like shite, but I'm not dying. I should have made it happen.
Looking at my tree, and looking for the strength for a better tomorrow.
And, because it's like chicken soup for the fangirl soul, some Bollywood comfort food:
Breakfast - Yummy breakfast taco innards from the gas station. I'm not being sarcastic....they were awesome.
Lunch - skipped: lunch duty - awesome. (That was sarcasm.)
Dinner - a massive protein fix that didn't help me feel better and probably set me back two weeks.
Exercise - none. No excuse. I feel like shite, but I'm not dying. I should have made it happen.
Looking at my tree, and looking for the strength for a better tomorrow.
And, because it's like chicken soup for the fangirl soul, some Bollywood comfort food:
Labels:
Bollywood,
exercise,
fangirl,
journal,
Shah Rukh Khan,
Shahrukh Khan,
sick,
SRK
Monday, November 26, 2012
Day 132 - 241.8: I Had My Moment
So, tired - it's hard to come back after a holiday. Definitely about to crash, but I wanted to let you know: I had my moment of joy and peace in front of, "o, Christmas Tree". And like a solar panel, I absorbed the energy of that tree and that moment to face the mystery that is tomorrow.
Breakfast - almonds and the latte (back off)
Lunch - Dickey's BBQ 2 meat plate with double green beans
Dinner - slice of cheese
Exercise - 40 minutes of Jazzercize...I'm avoiding the floor work. Got some issues I'll need to talk out there pretty soon...
Breakfast - almonds and the latte (back off)
Lunch - Dickey's BBQ 2 meat plate with double green beans
Dinner - slice of cheese
Exercise - 40 minutes of Jazzercize...I'm avoiding the floor work. Got some issues I'll need to talk out there pretty soon...
Sunday, November 25, 2012
Day 131 - 241.6: All the Trimmings
Well, even though I feel confident that this weight is a bullshit number, you can't help but be buoyed up by such good news. Plus, I spent the day doing one of my most emotionally comforting activities: decorating Christmas trees. I love digging the ornaments out of the closet, gently unwrapping each treasure, and finding this year's honorees their perfect holiday homes. I climbed up and down the stepladder at least 400 times today, moving ornaments, rearranging, adding a ribbon here and a snowflake there. I only managed to get one tree fully complete: the second one, new this year, is still a work in progress. It was necessary to expand my canvas, because I gleefully confess to somewhat of an ornament addiction. I will end up decorating two trees with essentially the same number of ornaments that I used on a single tree last year, and still have over 200 ornaments on hiatus for this season. That won't stop me from picking up "just a couple more" before January, in addition to the ornaments I tend to get from students and the little masterpieces my sons will create here and there over the next month.
At night during the holiday season, after everyone heads off to bed, I sit in the dark and the silence and look at my tree shining. It fills me with an all-too-brief measure of profound peace. In that moment, all is well. So tomorrow, weight up or down, work up or down, parenting up or down, at 11:00 PM, I will be joyful. Join me.
Breakfast - Mexican omelette from Marquez Bakery
Lunch - oops...
Dinner - ground beef with pico de gallo from Marquez Bakery
Exercise - up the ladder, down the ladder, up the ladder, down the ladder...
At night during the holiday season, after everyone heads off to bed, I sit in the dark and the silence and look at my tree shining. It fills me with an all-too-brief measure of profound peace. In that moment, all is well. So tomorrow, weight up or down, work up or down, parenting up or down, at 11:00 PM, I will be joyful. Join me.
Breakfast - Mexican omelette from Marquez Bakery
Lunch - oops...
Dinner - ground beef with pico de gallo from Marquez Bakery
Exercise - up the ladder, down the ladder, up the ladder, down the ladder...
Labels:
Christmas,
Diet,
exercise,
Marquez Bakery,
ornament,
peace,
tree,
weight loss
Thursday, November 22, 2012
Day 128 - 246: Thankfulness – The Good, the Bad, and the Stupid
On this great American day of gratitude, allow me to list some of the things that I most appreciate:
- I am grateful that I had a beautiful turkey to eat this year. I am equally grateful that I did not have to cook it.
- I am grateful for the loving family that I have to share said turkey with, even my brother, who took out my eye dodgeball style.
- I am grateful for my children, who love me at any size.
- I am grateful for my husband, who fell in love with the woman that I was, and still loves the woman that I am.
- I am grateful for green beans: the crossover hit between Thanksgiving feast and low-carb diet.
- I am grateful for three-hour alternating doses of children's Advil and children's Tylenol... and so is my older son.
- I am grateful for the countless thousands of hours of dance lessons which made it possible for even a 42 year-old fat girl to shake it to the Bollywood.
- I am grateful for my mother, who gave up so much to make those aforementioned dance lessons possible, and who provided an amazing low-carb Thanksgiving meal for me today.
- I am grateful for my dad, who loves me enough to stay out of my diet, even though he wants to invade it with a torrent of advice so, so badly.
- I am grateful for my friend Karen, who holds me accountable without ever making me feel shamed.
- I am grateful for my friend Celina, whose unfailing love helped me out of the hole.
- I am grateful to Salman Khan for making the movie Marigold, even though it sucked so badly. If it wasn't for him, I would never have gotten started on this journey.
- I am grateful for Shahrukh Khan, who made me fall in love with dance all over again.
- I am grateful for YouTube, which makes it possible for me to star in Main Hoon Na, Om Shanti Om, Kal Ho Naa Ho, and RA.One, all in the privacy of my own home.
- I am grateful for the Internet, where I can tell my story to everyone...and no one.
And finally, I am grateful for this mind, this heart, and even this body. Especially this body, that has survived so much abuse, so many broken promises, and gets up each time for one more round. May I someday earn its forgiveness.
Breakfast - almonds and coffee w/sugar-free creamer
Thanksgiving - 7ish oz. of turkey, green beans, green salad, and a scoop of guacamole
Dessert - low carb coconut cheesecake cup
Dinner - more green beans with mayo (you can blame THAT on my West Virginia relatives)
Dessert again - another cup
Exercise - fork to mouth
- I am grateful that I had a beautiful turkey to eat this year. I am equally grateful that I did not have to cook it.
- I am grateful for the loving family that I have to share said turkey with, even my brother, who took out my eye dodgeball style.
- I am grateful for my children, who love me at any size.
- I am grateful for my husband, who fell in love with the woman that I was, and still loves the woman that I am.
- I am grateful for green beans: the crossover hit between Thanksgiving feast and low-carb diet.
- I am grateful for three-hour alternating doses of children's Advil and children's Tylenol... and so is my older son.
- I am grateful for the countless thousands of hours of dance lessons which made it possible for even a 42 year-old fat girl to shake it to the Bollywood.
- I am grateful for my mother, who gave up so much to make those aforementioned dance lessons possible, and who provided an amazing low-carb Thanksgiving meal for me today.
- I am grateful for my dad, who loves me enough to stay out of my diet, even though he wants to invade it with a torrent of advice so, so badly.
- I am grateful for my friend Karen, who holds me accountable without ever making me feel shamed.
- I am grateful for my friend Celina, whose unfailing love helped me out of the hole.
- I am grateful to Salman Khan for making the movie Marigold, even though it sucked so badly. If it wasn't for him, I would never have gotten started on this journey.
- I am grateful for Shahrukh Khan, who made me fall in love with dance all over again.
- I am grateful for YouTube, which makes it possible for me to star in Main Hoon Na, Om Shanti Om, Kal Ho Naa Ho, and RA.One, all in the privacy of my own home.
- I am grateful for the Internet, where I can tell my story to everyone...and no one.
And finally, I am grateful for this mind, this heart, and even this body. Especially this body, that has survived so much abuse, so many broken promises, and gets up each time for one more round. May I someday earn its forgiveness.
Breakfast - almonds and coffee w/sugar-free creamer
Thanksgiving - 7ish oz. of turkey, green beans, green salad, and a scoop of guacamole
Dessert - low carb coconut cheesecake cup
Dinner - more green beans with mayo (you can blame THAT on my West Virginia relatives)
Dessert again - another cup
Exercise - fork to mouth
Wednesday, November 21, 2012
The 1 AM Movie Review - Hello Brother, and a side of Crow (Duplicate-style)
Oh, brother. Where do I begin here?
I really came down hard on the movie Duplicate back in August - I trashed SRK's performance on both the Babloo and the Manu sides of his dual role. In fairness, I was so put off by this skeevy little tongue thing that the Manu character did, I had a hard time concentrating on the rest of the film. Plus, I watched the utterly delicious Main Hoon Na the same day, which skewed my view even further. But, here's the thing: a couple of people in the BollyWHAT Forum gave it rave reviews. Not all, mind you, but a couple of people whose taste has tended to mirror mine. A second thing happened at around the same time: I pretty much ran out of Shahrukh Khan movies on Netflix and forced myself to start branching out into other actors' work. I saw a couple of movies by Ashkay Kumar and Saif Ali Khan and thought to myself, "These are actually pretty cute." A good number of those movies had received a "flop "rating, and I thought, "This might be my genre – the stupid movie." So I put Duplicate back on the queue and added Hello Brother. Both movies showed up the same day.
Now, remember - I understood going in that these movies had been rated "flops" when they came out about a year and a half apart, in 1998 and 1999. The movies had much in common: crude humor, silly characterizations, a whackado plot line, and a dastardly villain role. But now, after seeing many many Bollywood films from this time, the difference is undeniable: where Shahrukh Khan plays even these idiotic characters (and they are stupid: I am not budging from that position) with a lovability that is hard to resist, Salman Khan simply seems ridiculous. Plus, the dancing is sort of half-assed looking, as so much of Salman Khan's tends to be. Here's the bottom line: Salman Khan is meant to be an action hero.
Here's the other problem with Hello Brother: Arbaaz Khan, Salman Khan's real-life brother, is bad in this movie. I'm not kidding - he's really awful. He's trying to play the tough cop role that Salman should be playing, and everyone who's watching knows it. Even Rani Muhkerjee, who I love, can't save Hello Brother.
Back to Duplicate. How I hate being wrong. I wanted to hate this movie again, so much. But, here's what happened: I got over the tongue thing (mostly, although-ugh). When I did, I realized that a lot of the movie was actually pretty fun. Shahrukh Khan's characters are still pretty ridiculous in the movie; but, I realized after watching some other movies that he was probably intentional about it...along the lines of Leslie Nielsen in Airplane. And so, through that lens, SRK sells it. The dancing in this film has that joyful exuberance that typifies Shahrukh, which makes up (for the most part) for many of the film's defects.
A couple of points on which I should be clear: first of all, I am an unashamed, unapologetic SRK fangirl. If it comes down to a comparison between Shahrukh and Salman, for me there is no contest. Second off, I have certainly not decided the movie Duplicate is some fantastic film that everyone should go see.
But, even with all that, I feel I'm not steering you astray when I say that as crappy movies go, I'm going to have to rate Duplicate way, WAY over Hello Brother.
I really came down hard on the movie Duplicate back in August - I trashed SRK's performance on both the Babloo and the Manu sides of his dual role. In fairness, I was so put off by this skeevy little tongue thing that the Manu character did, I had a hard time concentrating on the rest of the film. Plus, I watched the utterly delicious Main Hoon Na the same day, which skewed my view even further. But, here's the thing: a couple of people in the BollyWHAT Forum gave it rave reviews. Not all, mind you, but a couple of people whose taste has tended to mirror mine. A second thing happened at around the same time: I pretty much ran out of Shahrukh Khan movies on Netflix and forced myself to start branching out into other actors' work. I saw a couple of movies by Ashkay Kumar and Saif Ali Khan and thought to myself, "These are actually pretty cute." A good number of those movies had received a "flop "rating, and I thought, "This might be my genre – the stupid movie." So I put Duplicate back on the queue and added Hello Brother. Both movies showed up the same day.
Now, remember - I understood going in that these movies had been rated "flops" when they came out about a year and a half apart, in 1998 and 1999. The movies had much in common: crude humor, silly characterizations, a whackado plot line, and a dastardly villain role. But now, after seeing many many Bollywood films from this time, the difference is undeniable: where Shahrukh Khan plays even these idiotic characters (and they are stupid: I am not budging from that position) with a lovability that is hard to resist, Salman Khan simply seems ridiculous. Plus, the dancing is sort of half-assed looking, as so much of Salman Khan's tends to be. Here's the bottom line: Salman Khan is meant to be an action hero.
Here's the other problem with Hello Brother: Arbaaz Khan, Salman Khan's real-life brother, is bad in this movie. I'm not kidding - he's really awful. He's trying to play the tough cop role that Salman should be playing, and everyone who's watching knows it. Even Rani Muhkerjee, who I love, can't save Hello Brother.
Back to Duplicate. How I hate being wrong. I wanted to hate this movie again, so much. But, here's what happened: I got over the tongue thing (mostly, although-ugh). When I did, I realized that a lot of the movie was actually pretty fun. Shahrukh Khan's characters are still pretty ridiculous in the movie; but, I realized after watching some other movies that he was probably intentional about it...along the lines of Leslie Nielsen in Airplane. And so, through that lens, SRK sells it. The dancing in this film has that joyful exuberance that typifies Shahrukh, which makes up (for the most part) for many of the film's defects.
A couple of points on which I should be clear: first of all, I am an unashamed, unapologetic SRK fangirl. If it comes down to a comparison between Shahrukh and Salman, for me there is no contest. Second off, I have certainly not decided the movie Duplicate is some fantastic film that everyone should go see.
But, even with all that, I feel I'm not steering you astray when I say that as crappy movies go, I'm going to have to rate Duplicate way, WAY over Hello Brother.
Day 127 – 245.4: A Backhanded Sign of Progress
Fat girl reality check: even if you lose weight, you're going to have to live with your stretch marks. And for any one not seriously overweight who's reading this, I am not talking about the kind of sweet little stretch marks you get when you gain a few pounds. I'm talking about a full-on zebra print that goes all the way around your body across your midsection, from just below your rib cage to right above your knees. A person doesn't really notice their stretch marks when they're at their fattest because, well, they're stretched. But lose some real pounds and you will see exactly what your skin has had to do to accommodate all of that weight. I still have maybe 70, 80 pounds left to lose, and I'm already thinking to myself, "What in the hell am I going to do with all of this extra skin?" It's progress, but it's not pretty.
Breakfast - 1/4 cup of low-carb raspberry cheesecake stuff...eew. NOT a breakfast item.
Lunch - wait for it....spicy pork rind nachos. Oh, yeah. That's what I said.
Dinner - steak burrito bowl from Freebirds with enough jalapenos to launch a nuclear missile
Exercise - Two sessions of Jazzercise – trying to gear up for a possible two days off of the exercise routine. I hope that doesn't happen, but with my husband gone and me heading to the parentals' house for Turkey Day, it could be tough to fit in the work out; but, I'm so addicted to "Maahi Ve" right now that I will probably find a way.
Watching the movie Hello Brother: a visceral reminder of why I love Shahrukh Khan so much. More on that at 1 AM.
Breakfast - 1/4 cup of low-carb raspberry cheesecake stuff...eew. NOT a breakfast item.
Lunch - wait for it....spicy pork rind nachos. Oh, yeah. That's what I said.
Dinner - steak burrito bowl from Freebirds with enough jalapenos to launch a nuclear missile
Exercise - Two sessions of Jazzercise – trying to gear up for a possible two days off of the exercise routine. I hope that doesn't happen, but with my husband gone and me heading to the parentals' house for Turkey Day, it could be tough to fit in the work out; but, I'm so addicted to "Maahi Ve" right now that I will probably find a way.
Watching the movie Hello Brother: a visceral reminder of why I love Shahrukh Khan so much. More on that at 1 AM.
Monday, November 19, 2012
Day 125 - 244.2: Okay, Then
So, apparently this bitching thing is really working out for me. "Oh hail, ye gods of weight loss, and hear my cry." Maybe I needed to expel 2 pounds worth of hot air through my primordial screaming and gnashing of teeth. The ways of metabolism are often inexplicable to me.
Now, I certainly won't be putting these 2 pounds in the "weight-loss goodbye bank" just yet, as I've discovered with heart-wrenching clarity that each new mark is not secure until it's been around a few days (if then). And yet, I can't lie – it feels pretty damn great to finally see some progress after a couple of weeks of agonizing plateau.
Breakfast - Atkins bar
Lunch - Atkins bar and almonds
Dinner - a sketchy scrounge-fest of smoked salmon, pepperoni sausage bites, blueberries, and blackberries. Yes, it was EXACTLY as unsatisfying as it sounds.
Exercise – I did an hour of Jazzercise. The ab work is about to kill me – I hate, hate, hate floor work. It makes me feel uncoordinated, fat; wallowing like a beached whale. Nevertheless, if there is any connection between brutal Jazzercise and today's weight loss, I'm going to pursue it.
Tonight: a second go at the movie Duplicate. I'm going to try to put the whole "tongue-licking" thing out of my head and try to keep an open mind...wish me luck.
Now, I certainly won't be putting these 2 pounds in the "weight-loss goodbye bank" just yet, as I've discovered with heart-wrenching clarity that each new mark is not secure until it's been around a few days (if then). And yet, I can't lie – it feels pretty damn great to finally see some progress after a couple of weeks of agonizing plateau.
Breakfast - Atkins bar
Lunch - Atkins bar and almonds
Dinner - a sketchy scrounge-fest of smoked salmon, pepperoni sausage bites, blueberries, and blackberries. Yes, it was EXACTLY as unsatisfying as it sounds.
Exercise – I did an hour of Jazzercise. The ab work is about to kill me – I hate, hate, hate floor work. It makes me feel uncoordinated, fat; wallowing like a beached whale. Nevertheless, if there is any connection between brutal Jazzercise and today's weight loss, I'm going to pursue it.
Tonight: a second go at the movie Duplicate. I'm going to try to put the whole "tongue-licking" thing out of my head and try to keep an open mind...wish me luck.
Sunday, November 18, 2012
Day 124 - 246.2 (DAMN IT): Thinking ANOTHER Curse Word, Plus the 1 AM Movie Review: Kal Ho Naa Ho
WHAT the HELL is going on here? I'm so, so frustrated. Not much else to say on that.
Breakfast - casserole
Late lunch/early dinner - 2/3 of an In n Out Double Double, Protein Style
Exercise - 25 minutes of learning "Maahi Ve" and trying not to cry the whole time, then 15 more minutes of BW Booty Shake (Chammak Challo, Marjaani Marjaani, Dard-e-Disco, and Criminal - feelin' like some SRK therapy today...)
I mentioned yesterday that I watched Kal Ho Naa Ho at last. And oh, OH, it was just as adorable and lovely and agonizing as I'd feared. I sobbed the ugly, snotting, headache crying that you just can't seem to turn off. It absolutely scraped my sentimental innards across the coals; nevertheless, I'm here to tell you this: if you're an SRK fan at all, this movie is a must, MUST watch. He's so handsome in this movie that your chest will actually ache watching him. His acting is at his sassy, sexy, vulnerable best. Plus, Saif Ali Khan is looking fairly adorable, as well, and doing some pretty damn good acting, yaar. The story is sweet-spirited and poignant, overkill at times but still appealing. Preity Zinta is likable and funny, and Jaya Bachchan brings a compelling quality to the character of Zinta's mother. The dancing numbers are big and glorious, and the songs are classics.
People, listen up: if you're a romance junkie, then bear up under the hassle of subtitles and WATCH THIS FILM. I swear, you won't regret it for a moment. But make sure your tissues are at the ready...
Breakfast - casserole
Late lunch/early dinner - 2/3 of an In n Out Double Double, Protein Style
Exercise - 25 minutes of learning "Maahi Ve" and trying not to cry the whole time, then 15 more minutes of BW Booty Shake (Chammak Challo, Marjaani Marjaani, Dard-e-Disco, and Criminal - feelin' like some SRK therapy today...)
I mentioned yesterday that I watched Kal Ho Naa Ho at last. And oh, OH, it was just as adorable and lovely and agonizing as I'd feared. I sobbed the ugly, snotting, headache crying that you just can't seem to turn off. It absolutely scraped my sentimental innards across the coals; nevertheless, I'm here to tell you this: if you're an SRK fan at all, this movie is a must, MUST watch. He's so handsome in this movie that your chest will actually ache watching him. His acting is at his sassy, sexy, vulnerable best. Plus, Saif Ali Khan is looking fairly adorable, as well, and doing some pretty damn good acting, yaar. The story is sweet-spirited and poignant, overkill at times but still appealing. Preity Zinta is likable and funny, and Jaya Bachchan brings a compelling quality to the character of Zinta's mother. The dancing numbers are big and glorious, and the songs are classics.
People, listen up: if you're a romance junkie, then bear up under the hassle of subtitles and WATCH THIS FILM. I swear, you won't regret it for a moment. But make sure your tissues are at the ready...
Labels:
1 AM,
Bollywood,
BW Booty Shake,
dance,
Diet,
frustrated,
Jaya Bachchan,
journal,
Kal Ho Naa Ho,
Maahi Ve,
Movie,
Movie review,
Preity Zinta,
romance,
Saif Ali Khan,
Shah Rukh Khan,
Shahrukh Khan,
SRK,
yaar
Saturday, November 17, 2012
Day 123 - 246.2: Battle Fatigue
Frustrated. Distracted. Touchy. The process is taking its toll. I'm impatient for results. I feel cheated when every good choice doesn't have an immediate positive consequence. I know that's illogical, but there it is. I haven't blogged in several days, and that was a choice - a poor one. I hid from my reality: my foot injury is affecting my ability to work out, and my lack of exercise affects my weight loss. Short, simple, and shitty.
But I'm still fighting. I worked out today: not the full time I needed, but enough to get my metabolism going, and enough to test my foot. I haven't strayed from the diet. And I'm back here tonight, giving voice to the struggle. 'Cause I've gotta...and 'cause I want it, so very badly. Success is out there, and slowly, but inexorably, I'm coming for it.
Breakfast - almonds and coffee
Lunch - Ribeye salad from Fuddrucker's
Dinner - rotisserie chicken and cheese
Exercise - 30 minutes of the BW Booty Shake, with a new song included: "Maahi Ve" from the film Kal Ho Na Ho. It is a great song and a spectacularly fun number to dance, but I watched the movie today, and now that I know what immediately follows it, I might not be able to do it without crying every time. But oh, he is SO delicious in this movie. Just...wow.
But I'm still fighting. I worked out today: not the full time I needed, but enough to get my metabolism going, and enough to test my foot. I haven't strayed from the diet. And I'm back here tonight, giving voice to the struggle. 'Cause I've gotta...and 'cause I want it, so very badly. Success is out there, and slowly, but inexorably, I'm coming for it.
Breakfast - almonds and coffee
Lunch - Ribeye salad from Fuddrucker's
Dinner - rotisserie chicken and cheese
Exercise - 30 minutes of the BW Booty Shake, with a new song included: "Maahi Ve" from the film Kal Ho Na Ho. It is a great song and a spectacularly fun number to dance, but I watched the movie today, and now that I know what immediately follows it, I might not be able to do it without crying every time. But oh, he is SO delicious in this movie. Just...wow.
Tuesday, November 13, 2012
Day 119 - 245.8: Being a Part of Bollywood History
I went to the premiere of Jab Tak Hai Jaan, Yash Chopra's final film, this evening. (And by evening, I mean night.) It was full, it was loud, it was late on a work night, the chick next to me kept taking pictures of the screen - with her FLASH, no less - but it was absolutely worth it. People cheered at the screen, they gasped in horror when Shahrukh Khan actually kissed Katrina Kaif full on the lips (it's a long story), they danced to the music, they chattered non-stop in Hindi during the intermission, they clapped at the end. It was a snapshot in history - the swan song of a Bollywood giant - and for all the movie was flawed, the moment was perfect. I'm glad I stayed up until this ungodly hour for it.
Breakfast - a latte
Lunch - egg salad
Dinner - half of a Fuzzy's pork salad
Exercise - car dancing on the way to and from the theater
Breakfast - a latte
Lunch - egg salad
Dinner - half of a Fuzzy's pork salad
Exercise - car dancing on the way to and from the theater
The 1AM Movie Review - Jab Tak Hai Jaan
- SPOILER ALERT -
Okay, so here's the good news: Shahrukh Khan is hot, hot, HOT in this movie. All of the lead-up with concerns that he's too old for this kind of part, and that the girls would look like his daughters: once he rides into the very first scene, it's easy to put all of that out of your head. While he's not exactly believable as a 28-year old, he's not the only one trying to pull that off (yes, Aamir Khan - I'm looking at you and your other 2 Idiots), and frankly, he's better at it than most. And, the world-weary SRK of the present is totally, totally workin' for me. The girls are both absolutely lovely: Katrina Kaif looks as beautiful as I've ever seen her, and Anushka Sharma looks amazing with a body to die for. And great hair. That's important for me - everyone has great hair.
The other high point: the dancing and music. The dancing, while not the technically challenging thing I've seen from this crew, was entertaining and appropriate for the film. Katrina finally shook off some stiffness and really seemed natural in much of the dancing, which is a nice change from Ek Tha Tiger - still can't work out what the hell was going on there. Most of the songs have this great acoustic vibe that works for the movie and for a modern music audience. The song Jiya Re is fabulous: I car-danced like a big fool all the way home from the theater after I bought it on iTunes while the credits were rolling.
So, now the bad news: The story is fairly insane. Now, Yashji, God rest his soul, was never known for the most realistic of stories. A snow-shoveler/street musician/waiter falling in love with a "daughter of the gentry" corporate executive? Okay, fine. Let's go with that. It is, after all, SRK. He's pretty damn hard to resist even as a day laborer, right? That's not the problem. The problem lies in the bargaining with God, then breaking up because God told me to, then I can't come back to London because she thinks I'm cursed, then I really AM cursed because I get hit by a car AGAIN, and then I lose my memory....come on now. I'm tired just typing. The totally overwrought story made it hard to get invested.
And a personal problem for me: I'm just not lovin' Katrina Kaif. It's not her fault, really - it's not like she's done any one thing that I watched and thought, "Oh, Lordy, this is bad, bad, BAD." And there is some naughty chemistry there: it was a little steamy, that's for sure. But I just don't dig it. When the big shocker on-screen kiss happened, I couldn't help but think to myself, "You broke the no-kiss streak with HER?" Totally unfair, I know - it's not as if SRK said to himself, "Yep. This is the one. I'm goin' for it". (Well, at least I HOPE he didn't...) On the other hand, I LOVED Anushka Sharma in this film. Her enthusiasm just lit up the screen, and the chemistry between her and SRK seems sort of soft and gooey, like a hot fudge sundae. I found myself throughout the film futilely rooting for her character Akira. So, while the end was certainly expected, and fitting for the nature of the sweeping "love conquers all" them of a Yashji romance, I couldn't help but be a little disappointed that he was crying delicious SRK tears for Katrina. I know, I know! Totally unfair. But there it is.
Having said all that, I'll end with this: it was big, it was fun, it was sweet, and it was chock-full of wide-eyed, lower-lip nibbling, dimple-flashing, sexy beyond words Shahrukh Khan. It's hard to complain too much....there's too much wistful sighing going on. So for that alone, this movie gets an "I'm MUCH too easy to please" two thumbs up.
Labels:
1 AM,
Anushka Sharma,
chemistry,
dance,
dancing,
Jab Tak Hai Jaan,
Jiya Re,
JTHJ,
Katrina Kaif,
Movie,
Movie review,
sexy,
Shah Rukh Khan,
Shahrukh Khan,
spoiler,
SRK,
thumbs up,
Yash Chopra
Sunday, November 11, 2012
Day 116 - 245.0: Houston, We Have A Bone Spur
Anyone heard of a calcaneal spur? Well, I have, and not just today. I'm the textbook candidate for them. The come from a combination of two conditions: strain and inflammation of the Achilles' tendon; and plantar fasciitis. These two conditions come from...you guessed it: fat people doing exercise at too high an impact level,(me) and people walking around in bare feet (also me, but worse- I sometimes work out that way). It's a sharp, stabbing and/or throbbing pain directly through the heel. The pain resembles having a "Wolverine"-style spike growing directly out of the bottom of your heel...agony.
So, what's the treatment? Nothing good: exercise, but don't exceed your abilities (what does that even MEAN?); rest it with ice, elevation, and compression until it's healed (I teach SCHOOL, and didn't you just say exercise???); wear good shoes (meaning NOT cute) all the time; lose weight (that's what I was TRYING to do); and do a bunch of stretches.
So, here's what I'm taking from that: heels only once a week, morning stretches, no more working out barefoot in my living room, and ice after the Saturday double workout. If this isn't enough, I'm not sure what I'll do, but I am sure what I won't: I will not let this derail my progress.
At this moment, I'm about to step on my left foot and face Day 116. Deep breath...keep you posted.
Breakfast - Atkins bar
Lunch - no starch bowl at Ghengis Grill Mongolian Barbecue
Dinner - 6 hot wings
Exercise - what I had WANTED to blog about: I gave the Saturday double workout a try today, with 35 minutes of Jazzercise cardio followed by 55 minutes of Zumba strength and toning - it was brutal, and probably why my plantar fascia is acting up. But I don't care. I LOVED every agonizingly sweaty second, and I'm going to keep doing it. I'll find another way to treat my heel.
So, what's the treatment? Nothing good: exercise, but don't exceed your abilities (what does that even MEAN?); rest it with ice, elevation, and compression until it's healed (I teach SCHOOL, and didn't you just say exercise???); wear good shoes (meaning NOT cute) all the time; lose weight (that's what I was TRYING to do); and do a bunch of stretches.
So, here's what I'm taking from that: heels only once a week, morning stretches, no more working out barefoot in my living room, and ice after the Saturday double workout. If this isn't enough, I'm not sure what I'll do, but I am sure what I won't: I will not let this derail my progress.
At this moment, I'm about to step on my left foot and face Day 116. Deep breath...keep you posted.
Breakfast - Atkins bar
Lunch - no starch bowl at Ghengis Grill Mongolian Barbecue
Dinner - 6 hot wings
Exercise - what I had WANTED to blog about: I gave the Saturday double workout a try today, with 35 minutes of Jazzercise cardio followed by 55 minutes of Zumba strength and toning - it was brutal, and probably why my plantar fascia is acting up. But I don't care. I LOVED every agonizingly sweaty second, and I'm going to keep doing it. I'll find another way to treat my heel.
Friday, November 9, 2012
Day 115 - 245.0: Please Sir, May I Have Another?
There's something empowering about forcing yourself to work out even when your ass is dragging on the ground. This week has been crazy, bordering on the ridiculous: my kids had a wad of homework, I had a required curriculum meeting, plus I was partly responsible for campus literacy night, which had me at school or up working late several nights. Top that off with a field trip today, and you have me bordering on comatose by the time I got in the car at 4 PM. I had no intention of working out when I left school this afternoon. In fact, I had decided that I just might not do anything except lay on the couch. Then, about halfway home, I heard 'Chammak Challo' and thought to myself, "Let's just do it, damn it." By the time I made it home with my sons, I had psyched myself up for the ordeal.
When I walked in the front door, I didn't even bother to take off my work clothes. I just dropped my things, walked into the family room, turned on the YouTube, and queued up some Bhangra. So there I am, in blue jeans and a faculty shirt, sweating to a brutal Bhangra routine that I've never even tried before. It was bad-really, really bad. That shit is hard, people. Before I died of chafing and heat prostration, I changed into some workout clothes. Then it was 40 minutes of the revised BW Booty Shake with a Nilesh Zumba chaser. The situation didn't improve. Every step, every movement, I felt like I was slogging through molasses. You know that "runner's high" that people talk about? I think that's bullshit. Have I mentioned this before? I think that I have, and my position has not changed: at no point during this ridiculously painful workout do I say to myself, "Ahhhh...there we go. All of a sudden I feel fantastic."
But here's what does happen: I bully my way through this workout, and in the doing I find I am still alive, despite feeling like death the entire time. I realize that, for someone like me, a reasonably healthy person, being "too tired" to work out is a joke; just a thing I say in my bad head to excuse myself from doing what must be done. And so tonight, with no excuses in the way, I took my road less traveled: the right one.
Today, when I was weak, I was strong. That is my definition of success.
Breakfast - a latte (a moment of weakness)
Lunch - more of Karen's yummy chicken salad, 14 blueberries (I counted. Who knows why.), sugar-free vanilla pudding
Dinner - 3 Little Caesar's wings
Exercise - umm...see above, and where have you been?
When I walked in the front door, I didn't even bother to take off my work clothes. I just dropped my things, walked into the family room, turned on the YouTube, and queued up some Bhangra. So there I am, in blue jeans and a faculty shirt, sweating to a brutal Bhangra routine that I've never even tried before. It was bad-really, really bad. That shit is hard, people. Before I died of chafing and heat prostration, I changed into some workout clothes. Then it was 40 minutes of the revised BW Booty Shake with a Nilesh Zumba chaser. The situation didn't improve. Every step, every movement, I felt like I was slogging through molasses. You know that "runner's high" that people talk about? I think that's bullshit. Have I mentioned this before? I think that I have, and my position has not changed: at no point during this ridiculously painful workout do I say to myself, "Ahhhh...there we go. All of a sudden I feel fantastic."
But here's what does happen: I bully my way through this workout, and in the doing I find I am still alive, despite feeling like death the entire time. I realize that, for someone like me, a reasonably healthy person, being "too tired" to work out is a joke; just a thing I say in my bad head to excuse myself from doing what must be done. And so tonight, with no excuses in the way, I took my road less traveled: the right one.
Today, when I was weak, I was strong. That is my definition of success.
Breakfast - a latte (a moment of weakness)
Lunch - more of Karen's yummy chicken salad, 14 blueberries (I counted. Who knows why.), sugar-free vanilla pudding
Dinner - 3 Little Caesar's wings
Exercise - umm...see above, and where have you been?
Thursday, November 8, 2012
Day 114 - 246.2: Feelin' It
I'm in the zone. I'm not exactly sure when that happened, but I know that it's here now. Like a black cat in the dark, routine has sneaked up on me. I was reading a couple of my blog posts to some friends today, and I realized as I read that much of the angst that typified my earlier posts is gone now. In the reading of that disquiet, I discovered that I have been bestowed with a rare gift: peace.
Don't misunderstand: much of my life is still a test case in clusterf**kery. I'm working way too many hours, I have no idea if my students are learning what they're supposed to be, my sons are still kind of driving me and their teachers crazy, and I feel perpetually exhausted. But what I also have is the first taste of success, peeking through all of my drama like the tiny flowering Dogwood blossoms that burst through the snow in early February.
Something happened at work today - surprising and a bit unpleasant. However, I find it was a bit of a watershed moment. What I saw in this conflict was, quite simply, this: there, but for the grace of God (and Shahrukh Khan, and Jazzercise), go I. Silly, I know, but the day brought me to a shining moment of clarity: it's not that I can succeed; rather, it's that I am succeeding that fills me with the most profound contentment.
Now, instead of "I will", "I do". Maybe my new mantra... I'll have to try it on for size.
Breakfast - Atkins bar and almonds
Lunch - Atkins bar
Dinner - Karen's faboo chicken salad and 2 string cheeses
Exercise - nope, just on my feet for twelve hours: the exhaustion without the satisfaction. Boo-hiss.
Tomorrow - fingers crossed for Zumba...and Main Hoon Na for dessert, no matter how late it is (JONESING for a dose of SRK).
Don't misunderstand: much of my life is still a test case in clusterf**kery. I'm working way too many hours, I have no idea if my students are learning what they're supposed to be, my sons are still kind of driving me and their teachers crazy, and I feel perpetually exhausted. But what I also have is the first taste of success, peeking through all of my drama like the tiny flowering Dogwood blossoms that burst through the snow in early February.
Something happened at work today - surprising and a bit unpleasant. However, I find it was a bit of a watershed moment. What I saw in this conflict was, quite simply, this: there, but for the grace of God (and Shahrukh Khan, and Jazzercise), go I. Silly, I know, but the day brought me to a shining moment of clarity: it's not that I can succeed; rather, it's that I am succeeding that fills me with the most profound contentment.
Now, instead of "I will", "I do". Maybe my new mantra... I'll have to try it on for size.
Breakfast - Atkins bar and almonds
Lunch - Atkins bar
Dinner - Karen's faboo chicken salad and 2 string cheeses
Exercise - nope, just on my feet for twelve hours: the exhaustion without the satisfaction. Boo-hiss.
Tomorrow - fingers crossed for Zumba...and Main Hoon Na for dessert, no matter how late it is (JONESING for a dose of SRK).
Labels:
Bollywood,
Diet,
exercise,
journal,
Main Hoon Na,
mantra,
Shahrukh Khan,
SRK,
success,
zone
Wednesday, November 7, 2012
Day 113 - 247.6: A New Love Affair
I met him this evening for the first time: he stood nonchalantly in the corner of the restroom, dressed to kill in his silver suit. I glance his way, then I quickly avert my eyes - I don't want to seem too eager, but I must gain a closer look. I edge toward him, weaving my way among the discarded towels and globs of toothpaste, pretending not to notice him. I pass the garden tub when suddenly - magic. Our eyes meet, I step to him, and the dance begins.
At first, just an admiration: how sleek, how svelte. I inch one toe forward, testing the waters. He lures me in further with his technical expertise, and I am entralled by the melodious jargon: bone density, athlete mode, gender-specific settings. It's like he was singing the song just for me. I take the plunge, and joy! Over a pound less - true love. Then, our first quarrel: "What do you mean, my BMI is uncalculable? What are you saying, I'm FAT?????" I storm away in a rage. But, how can I stay away? He calculates my weight to the tenth of a pound. Tenth! It's like we're soulmates.
But not everyone is pleased. From behind the door, my ex cries out, "Please! Don't leave me! I promise not to "accidentally" weigh you in at 310 pounds right after you exercise anymore! It was just a system error! I didn't mean it!" One sad little tear streams down his battered Plexiglas face, but I am unmoved. He has abused me for the last time. I'm with a NEW man, now.
At first, just an admiration: how sleek, how svelte. I inch one toe forward, testing the waters. He lures me in further with his technical expertise, and I am entralled by the melodious jargon: bone density, athlete mode, gender-specific settings. It's like he was singing the song just for me. I take the plunge, and joy! Over a pound less - true love. Then, our first quarrel: "What do you mean, my BMI is uncalculable? What are you saying, I'm FAT?????" I storm away in a rage. But, how can I stay away? He calculates my weight to the tenth of a pound. Tenth! It's like we're soulmates.
But not everyone is pleased. From behind the door, my ex cries out, "Please! Don't leave me! I promise not to "accidentally" weigh you in at 310 pounds right after you exercise anymore! It was just a system error! I didn't mean it!" One sad little tear streams down his battered Plexiglas face, but I am unmoved. He has abused me for the last time. I'm with a NEW man, now.
Breakfast - almonds
Lunch - Atkins bar and almonds
Dinner - In and Out Burger (the usual)
Exercise - Jazzercise (I'm really, really missing my evening Bollywood - something's gotta give, or I'm gonna lose it. Know what I need? A big, fat dose of Main Hoon Na.)
Labels:
Bollywood,
exercise,
fat,
In 'n' Out Burger,
Jazzercise,
journal,
joy,
love,
Main Hoon Na,
scale
Tuesday, November 6, 2012
Day 112 - 249: Proud to be an American
Well, I didn't exercise. I didn't get my papers graded. I didn't finish the work I have for literacy night. But I did watch election results come in. Hour after hour, state after state, every moment. Many people I know think it's silly, even ridiculous. I think election day is a celebration of what makes our democracy so unique and amazing, And I revel in it all: pundits back and forth, presidential historians, the man on the street that doesn't really know what he's talking about, the painful concessions beach, the crow of triumph from the winning candidate.. I am especially pleased because my candidate won the election, But basically I simply find myself proud to be a part of this process: a voice in the chorus of the Great American Democracy.
Breakfast - almonds
Lunch - chicken taco salad
Dinner - taco salad
Breakfast - almonds
Lunch - chicken taco salad
Dinner - taco salad
Sunday, November 4, 2012
Day 110 - 251: Paying the Piper
Well, I would have loved to get on the scale and seen no change, or even a bit off. Didn't happen. But I mostly stayed the course, and so I'm okay with where I landed. Tomorrow - dive back into the grind. It's shaping up to be an agonizing couple of weeks...just breathe...
Breakfast - a too-big portion of breakfast casserole
Lunch - still dealing with breakfast and carsickness
Dinner - taco salad
Snack - almonds. Yeah, you know why.
Exercise - cleaned up and unpacked - NOT aerobic.
Breakfast - a too-big portion of breakfast casserole
Lunch - still dealing with breakfast and carsickness
Dinner - taco salad
Snack - almonds. Yeah, you know why.
Exercise - cleaned up and unpacked - NOT aerobic.
Day 109 - No scale: a Tight Squeeze
I worked out. It wasn't easy, or pretty. Hoping not to have and audience of curious friends, I went into the cabin's bedroom which has working area about the size of a beach towel (see below). Then I realized I can't play my videos on my computer or iPad because I don't have a new enough version of iTunes. So, I am now relegated to trying do do the entire thing from memory. Nice. But hey, I'm game, right? I turn on my playlist and take the first step, only to realize that this old cabin has a pier foundation, which means very step is going to reverberate through the cabin and shake everyone's face. Mmm-hmm. Awesome. How do you solve that? Do the entire routine on your tiptoes, of course, making sure every step lands as if you we're trying to sneak to the bathroom at 2 AM. Doesn't sound like a very good workout, right? Wrong. It took twice as much strength in my legs and core to move with that level of control and speed. After 35 minutes of that, I had satisfyingly disgusting workout hair, the sure sign of success. Plus, right at the end, I got the nerve to come out and show the crowd of very curious friends that that collected outside my door how to Chammak Challo and Criminal.
In short - I OWNED it today.
Breakfast - breakfast casserole
Lunch - a southwest burger, no bun
Dinner - a couple of bites of pulled pork and a couple of bites of throw up dip (don't be afraid - it's actually called chile rellenos dip, and it's yummy)
Exercise - did my thing under duress: Chammak Challo, Marjaani Marjaani, Criminal, Dard-e-Disco, Deewangi Deewangi, all from memory - plus a little Chris Brown thrown in for freestyle.
In short - I OWNED it today.
Breakfast - breakfast casserole
Lunch - a southwest burger, no bun
Dinner - a couple of bites of pulled pork and a couple of bites of throw up dip (don't be afraid - it's actually called chile rellenos dip, and it's yummy)
Exercise - did my thing under duress: Chammak Challo, Marjaani Marjaani, Criminal, Dard-e-Disco, Deewangi Deewangi, all from memory - plus a little Chris Brown thrown in for freestyle.
Friday, November 2, 2012
Day 108 - 248: Cool in the Furnace
So, here I am, in the midst of girls' retreat excess - chips and cheese, crackers and hummus, Texas trash... the options for failure are endless. And yet, I'm good. Maybe it's because I spent all week prepping. Maybe it's because I had a big dinner. Maybe it's because I'm just over hummus. Whatever the reason, I look at the smorgasbord and say, "It's all good ." This weekend will be about the friends, not the food. Hallelujah!
Tomorrow, I'll be doing some grassroots work on building a Bollywood contingent at my school. Hadippa!
Breakfast - coffee and Atkins bar
Lunch - leftover barbecue
Dinner - KFC grilled chicken
Retreat snack - poppy seed chicken dip with celery
Exercise - none: I will workout tomorrow come Hell or high water
Tomorrow, I'll be doing some grassroots work on building a Bollywood contingent at my school. Hadippa!
Breakfast - coffee and Atkins bar
Lunch - leftover barbecue
Dinner - KFC grilled chicken
Retreat snack - poppy seed chicken dip with celery
Exercise - none: I will workout tomorrow come Hell or high water
Thursday, November 1, 2012
Day 107 - 249: Renaissance
I've briefly OD'd on NPR. Between Sandy coverage and election coverage, I feel as if there's a civil defense siren in my head blaring, "Holy shit! It's a crisis!" 24/7. I need a break. So, this weekend, I'm bonding with my buddies and my Bollywood. No news, no gut-churning anxiety over evil ads running in Ohio, no sixth-time-over crying jag rewatching President Obama and Governor Christie survey the unbearable devastation. I'm taking Main Hoon Na and Om Shanti Om, and they are going to WATCH, and they are going to love it, and we are going to start a MOVEMENT! Well, maybe not all that, but I am making everyone watch.
Friends, not food, friends, not food...I believe in fairies, I believe in fairies....
Breakfast - Atkins Bar
Lunch - Atkins Bar
Dinner - barbecue beef and sausage, no sauce, chile rellenos dip
Exercise - no, damnit. Boo, hiss!
Friends, not food, friends, not food...I believe in fairies, I believe in fairies....
Breakfast - Atkins Bar
Lunch - Atkins Bar
Dinner - barbecue beef and sausage, no sauce, chile rellenos dip
Exercise - no, damnit. Boo, hiss!
Wednesday, October 31, 2012
Day 106 - 249: a VERY Happy Halloween
Boo...YAH. That "4" has been a long time coming. I jumped on the scale tonight after a couple of hours of trick-or-treating, just kind of half-assed, really not expecting any progress whatsoever. So, when I saw it, it jumped right back off the scale as if I had been stung. Then I creeped back up to it, nudging it with my toe as if somehow it might jump up and yell "trick-or-treat" at me.
That weigh-in is a nice positive reinforcement as I prepare to jump headfirst into the ultimate temptation: a girls' retreat. I've been reminding myself for a week, "it's not about the food, it's about the company." Yeah, so, that's all well and good, but I'm still about to have a nervous snit about resisting the queso and chips.
I have two more days to gear myself up for this, so sing it with me now: it's not about the food, it's about the company, it's not about the food, it's about the company... I believe in fairies, I believe in fairies....
Breakfast - Atkins bar and almonds
Lunch - same
Dinner - mozzarella balls with balsamic vinegar
Exercise - trick or treat...2 hours worth with very squirrelly young boys
Bollywood P.S. - This past week or so has been kind of nutty, and I really miss my Bollywood. Here's hoping I get some time in peace to watch my next movie and do a little Bollywood exercise over the weekend. And, in a little bit of frustrating reality, I found out that my sons' Open House is on same night as the premiere of Jab Tak Hai Jaan. So, late movie for me!!!!!
That weigh-in is a nice positive reinforcement as I prepare to jump headfirst into the ultimate temptation: a girls' retreat. I've been reminding myself for a week, "it's not about the food, it's about the company." Yeah, so, that's all well and good, but I'm still about to have a nervous snit about resisting the queso and chips.
I have two more days to gear myself up for this, so sing it with me now: it's not about the food, it's about the company, it's not about the food, it's about the company... I believe in fairies, I believe in fairies....
Breakfast - Atkins bar and almonds
Lunch - same
Dinner - mozzarella balls with balsamic vinegar
Exercise - trick or treat...2 hours worth with very squirrelly young boys
Bollywood P.S. - This past week or so has been kind of nutty, and I really miss my Bollywood. Here's hoping I get some time in peace to watch my next movie and do a little Bollywood exercise over the weekend. And, in a little bit of frustrating reality, I found out that my sons' Open House is on same night as the premiere of Jab Tak Hai Jaan. So, late movie for me!!!!!
Tuesday, October 30, 2012
Day 105 - 251: Stay Safe, Everyone
The Northeast is still in dire straits this evening as Sandy finishes giving them her worst. In the face of your immense challenge, my worries become infinitesimally small. To those I love, and to those they love, I wish comfort and safety on this cold, dark night.
Breakfast - guts of two breakfast burritos
Lunch - grilled chicken
Snack - almonds
Dinner - more chicken
Exercise - 13 hour work day
Breakfast - guts of two breakfast burritos
Lunch - grilled chicken
Snack - almonds
Dinner - more chicken
Exercise - 13 hour work day
Labels:
cold,
damage,
evacuate,
Hurricane Sandy,
northeast,
safety,
storm surge,
wet,
worry
Sunday, October 28, 2012
Day 103 - 252: I'm thinking a CURSE WORD Right Now
FFFFF.........K!!!!!!!!!! It's very tempting at this point to just stop eating altogether. I'm just pissed off enough to have the willpower. Oh how I want to beat this plateau into submission. Every toxic internal impulse, every negative bit of self-talk I've accumulated over the years tells me to just skip every meal for the next three days "just to see if it makes a difference." But, of course, that's not sustainable – with the willpower or with my health. That inner voice is already grinding pine nuts for the pesto I'm going to pour over my entitlement bowl of pasta, grinning and rubbing her hands together. So, I am going to follow the advice that I recently gave a friend:
I say to you, my inner voice, that you are full of SHIT, and I am not listening to you. You are how I got here in the first place, so you can just shut the hell up. I am getting up tomorrow and EATING before I leave for school. So KISS MY ASS, you self-destructive bitch. I'M in charge today.
Breakfast - almonds and coffee
Lunch - Atkins bar
Snack - almonds
Dinner - bacon-wrapped shrimp and apple slices
Exercise - walking all over school for 8 hours, trying to get my Daily 5 ducks in a row.
I say to you, my inner voice, that you are full of SHIT, and I am not listening to you. You are how I got here in the first place, so you can just shut the hell up. I am getting up tomorrow and EATING before I leave for school. So KISS MY ASS, you self-destructive bitch. I'M in charge today.
Breakfast - almonds and coffee
Lunch - Atkins bar
Snack - almonds
Dinner - bacon-wrapped shrimp and apple slices
Exercise - walking all over school for 8 hours, trying to get my Daily 5 ducks in a row.
Labels:
Daily 5,
Diet,
exercise,
frustration,
inner voice,
journal,
plateau,
starvation
Saturday, October 27, 2012
The 1 AM (2:30 AM, actually) Movie Review: Don 2
Sometimes I remember that underneath it all, I still have a Hollywood sensibility that sets me apart from some die-hard Bollywood fans. I've read many a fan bemoan how movies like Don 2 are too like one to be the other, failing on both counts.
For the most part, I'm going to have to disagree. I loved Don 2. After a couple of painful fails on my queue (Dil Aashna Hai? Ugh...), Don 2 roars back with the thing I love best from both genres: over-the-top.
Don (Shah Rukh Khan) jumps back into the fray, trying to overtake the European drug business. When the cartel gets wind of this and attempts to silence them the old-fashioned way, Don responds by doing what he does best - offering to throw them under the bus to Roma (Priyanka Chopra). This time Roma doesn't bite, and off Don goes to prison, conveniently in the same place as his old nemesis Vardhaan (Boman Irani). From there, Don launches his master plan to get everyone, including the cartel, Roma, Vardhaan, and the Central Bank of Germany, under his boot.
Don 2 is a fun, shameless amalgamation of elements from MI, The Italian Job, and and Ocean's 11 that pulls from each without losing it's own identity. The stunts are great, Don's dialogue (if maybe not poor Roma's) is witty and sassy, and the movie twists into a satisfying Hollywood ending.
Do I miss seeing SRK dancing? Well, as a self-actualized embarrassing SRK fangirl, of course I do. The dancing is one of the things that drew me to Bollywood in the first place, so it is disappointing to have movie that even stars dance fiend Hrithik Roshan without his signature moves. Priyanka seems a bit over-concerned with being sexy and under-concerned with her dancing, which sort of reflects the film overall.
However, dancing aside, Shah Rukh Khan is a right in his element as a cocky, naughty, self-absorbed villain. (I mean, come on, now. Underneath it all, don't we all believe that SRK IS Don, a little bit?) The controversy surrounding the off-screen relationship between SRK and Priyanka, I think, tends to put some Bollywood super-fans off of their feed regarding the on-screen chemistry. This, however, doesn't concern me at all. Do I hope SRK didn't cheat on his wife of 20 years? Sure. But as a movie-goer, I want sizzle between Don and Roma, and I got it.
I think Gauri Khan's wrath has probably killed any chance of a third movie in the series, which is kind of a bummer, because I'd so stand in line for Don 3!
For the most part, I'm going to have to disagree. I loved Don 2. After a couple of painful fails on my queue (Dil Aashna Hai? Ugh...), Don 2 roars back with the thing I love best from both genres: over-the-top.
Don (Shah Rukh Khan) jumps back into the fray, trying to overtake the European drug business. When the cartel gets wind of this and attempts to silence them the old-fashioned way, Don responds by doing what he does best - offering to throw them under the bus to Roma (Priyanka Chopra). This time Roma doesn't bite, and off Don goes to prison, conveniently in the same place as his old nemesis Vardhaan (Boman Irani). From there, Don launches his master plan to get everyone, including the cartel, Roma, Vardhaan, and the Central Bank of Germany, under his boot.
Don 2 is a fun, shameless amalgamation of elements from MI, The Italian Job, and and Ocean's 11 that pulls from each without losing it's own identity. The stunts are great, Don's dialogue (if maybe not poor Roma's) is witty and sassy, and the movie twists into a satisfying Hollywood ending.
Do I miss seeing SRK dancing? Well, as a self-actualized embarrassing SRK fangirl, of course I do. The dancing is one of the things that drew me to Bollywood in the first place, so it is disappointing to have movie that even stars dance fiend Hrithik Roshan without his signature moves. Priyanka seems a bit over-concerned with being sexy and under-concerned with her dancing, which sort of reflects the film overall.
However, dancing aside, Shah Rukh Khan is a right in his element as a cocky, naughty, self-absorbed villain. (I mean, come on, now. Underneath it all, don't we all believe that SRK IS Don, a little bit?) The controversy surrounding the off-screen relationship between SRK and Priyanka, I think, tends to put some Bollywood super-fans off of their feed regarding the on-screen chemistry. This, however, doesn't concern me at all. Do I hope SRK didn't cheat on his wife of 20 years? Sure. But as a movie-goer, I want sizzle between Don and Roma, and I got it.
I think Gauri Khan's wrath has probably killed any chance of a third movie in the series, which is kind of a bummer, because I'd so stand in line for Don 3!
Thursday, October 25, 2012
The 100th Day - 250 pounds
I have a thousand things in my head, but the Ambien window is about to close...
250 pounds - still fat by anyone's standards except sumo wrestlers and offensive linemen for the NFL. And yet, to me, 250 means this: the least I've weighed in three years. In 100 days, I've undone the damage of THREE YEARS of bad thoughts and bad deeds. 250 pounds is not a goal, but it's a milestone. It gives me reason to hope, to believe, that in another 100 days, I could turn back the clock to 2007, when I first went back to work and gave up on taking care of myself.
So, tonight, here in the dark, I take one moment to rejoice in a small victory. Tomorrow, back to the climb...'cause I've gotta.
Breakfast - coffee (ugh - terrible)
Lunch - mozzarella balls
Dinner - Gouda cheese and almonds
Exercise - 90 minutes of dancing to music from a bad 90's wedding (and believe you me, I'm an EXPERT on the genre) with some good friends and a whole mess of schoolchildren. About the best fun I've had in a long time.
250 pounds - still fat by anyone's standards except sumo wrestlers and offensive linemen for the NFL. And yet, to me, 250 means this: the least I've weighed in three years. In 100 days, I've undone the damage of THREE YEARS of bad thoughts and bad deeds. 250 pounds is not a goal, but it's a milestone. It gives me reason to hope, to believe, that in another 100 days, I could turn back the clock to 2007, when I first went back to work and gave up on taking care of myself.
So, tonight, here in the dark, I take one moment to rejoice in a small victory. Tomorrow, back to the climb...'cause I've gotta.
Breakfast - coffee (ugh - terrible)
Lunch - mozzarella balls
Dinner - Gouda cheese and almonds
Exercise - 90 minutes of dancing to music from a bad 90's wedding (and believe you me, I'm an EXPERT on the genre) with some good friends and a whole mess of schoolchildren. About the best fun I've had in a long time.
Wednesday, October 24, 2012
Day 99 - 251.5: The Doctor is In, and That's Probably Bad
This post really won't have anything to do with Bollywood or blubber, so if that's a problem for you, you should probably stop reading now.
I have an opinion about pretty much everything, and I am generally not at all hesitant about sharing it. I also have a tendency to accelerate as I wind up. These two traits together can, at times, turn me into a whirling dervish of ideas and opinions. Just today, I went off on some rant or other that ended up involving me quoting W. Edwards Deming, gesticulating wildly, and bleating like a sheep. (Trust me when I tell you that you do not want to know.)
So, given this propensity to run off at the mouth, you would think that I would be more than happy to get unsolicited advice all the time; but, that's actually not the case. Because I recognize the nature of my disease, I try not to be too terribly contagious. However, it can be hard for me to resist giving advice when someone asks for it directly. Today I managed to spout off advice about dealing with your boss, working within the realities in your job, and parenting, and I can't help coming away with the feeling that I might have done more harm than good. That is, of course, never my intention: I try to give thoughtful, reason, meaningful solutions when someone presents me with a problem; however, the reality is that I am a bit of an ideologue in a world where generally pragmatism rules the day. So then I have to ask myself: have I in fact, given sound, realistic advice? Or, have I rather sent people I care about down the path toward a bigger problem?
At this point, I suppose it's a little bit too late to worry about that. Today's fat mouth reality check: once you put it out there, it's there. Even if they don't take your advice in that moment, even if you go back and change your mind later, you've still planted the seed. Now you have to deal with the reality that it just might grow. Here's to hoping for the best...
Breakfast - Almonds
Lunch - Atkins bar and chicken
Dinner – wholly unsatisfying mozzarella cheese balls
Exercise – Jazzercise: I am definitely excited about starting Zumba – I need a change.
I have an opinion about pretty much everything, and I am generally not at all hesitant about sharing it. I also have a tendency to accelerate as I wind up. These two traits together can, at times, turn me into a whirling dervish of ideas and opinions. Just today, I went off on some rant or other that ended up involving me quoting W. Edwards Deming, gesticulating wildly, and bleating like a sheep. (Trust me when I tell you that you do not want to know.)
So, given this propensity to run off at the mouth, you would think that I would be more than happy to get unsolicited advice all the time; but, that's actually not the case. Because I recognize the nature of my disease, I try not to be too terribly contagious. However, it can be hard for me to resist giving advice when someone asks for it directly. Today I managed to spout off advice about dealing with your boss, working within the realities in your job, and parenting, and I can't help coming away with the feeling that I might have done more harm than good. That is, of course, never my intention: I try to give thoughtful, reason, meaningful solutions when someone presents me with a problem; however, the reality is that I am a bit of an ideologue in a world where generally pragmatism rules the day. So then I have to ask myself: have I in fact, given sound, realistic advice? Or, have I rather sent people I care about down the path toward a bigger problem?
At this point, I suppose it's a little bit too late to worry about that. Today's fat mouth reality check: once you put it out there, it's there. Even if they don't take your advice in that moment, even if you go back and change your mind later, you've still planted the seed. Now you have to deal with the reality that it just might grow. Here's to hoping for the best...
Breakfast - Almonds
Lunch - Atkins bar and chicken
Dinner – wholly unsatisfying mozzarella cheese balls
Exercise – Jazzercise: I am definitely excited about starting Zumba – I need a change.
Labels:
Advice,
Deming,
Jazzercise,
opinion,
rant,
sheep,
spouting off,
unsolicited
Tuesday, October 23, 2012
Day 98 - 252.5: Up All Night
I've been suffering from insomnia lately. Not sure why...stress, maybe, or bad habits - did you know that TV only helps you sleep if it sucks? I swear. If you're into the show, it'll get you all energized and anti-sleep. My student teacher asked me today what I do to help me relax, and upon reflection, I realized that I don't do much of anything to relax, per se. Generally, I take my mind off of one loud thing with another loud thing. I play my music WAY too loudly (and I'm talking about "thump-your-cousin's-face-in-Cleveland" loud), I channel surf like I'm riding a monster wave off of the North Shore, I Zumba and Bollywood dance on YouTube, I watch the Pittsburgh Steelers...all awesome: none relaxing. I'm not really makin' a point here - just the mental wanderings of an ADD insomniac.
Breakfast - almonds
Lunch - Atkins bar
Dinner - rotisserie chicken breast and about 4 oz. steak
Exercise - new video by Nilesh, just to test it; 13 hours of work (what.the.HELL????)
P.S. - Images from Yashji's funeral - white never looked so sad.
Breakfast - almonds
Lunch - Atkins bar
Dinner - rotisserie chicken breast and about 4 oz. steak
Exercise - new video by Nilesh, just to test it; 13 hours of work (what.the.HELL????)
P.S. - Images from Yashji's funeral - white never looked so sad.
Labels:
bad habits,
Bollywood,
death,
Diet,
exercise,
funeral,
insomnia,
journal,
loud music,
Nilesh,
TV,
Yash Chopra,
Zumba
Monday, October 22, 2012
Day 97- 252.5: You are Getting VERY Sleepy
I have stayed up too late for two many days: Bollywood, Steelers football, American foreign policy...it's like Mardi Gras. Now I have to go sleep it off, because this week is shaping up to be a cluster...I'll keep you posted.
Breakfast - Atkins bar
Lunch - salmon Caesar salad
Snack - almonds
Dinner - same salad
Exercise - Jazzercise: did the floor work today, which I don't love on so many levels...namely ground level.
TMI...but I can't resist putting a little bit of why I'm too excited to sleep on the blog tonight...
Breakfast - Atkins bar
Lunch - salmon Caesar salad
Snack - almonds
Dinner - same salad
Exercise - Jazzercise: did the floor work today, which I don't love on so many levels...namely ground level.
TMI...but I can't resist putting a little bit of why I'm too excited to sleep on the blog tonight...
Sunday, October 21, 2012
Day 96 - 252.5: Farewell, Yashji
Bollywood icon, director/producer Yash Chopra, died unexpectedly today. Chopra began making films in 1959, many of which are now considered "must-see" classics in Bollywood cinema. Although, I must admit, my experience with Yash Chopra only begins much later, with his collaborations with SRK, I find the loss to be surprisingly saddening. In some ways, this marks the end of an era in Bollywood film.
His final film, Jab Tak Hai Jaan, had one more scene left to shoot, a trademark sweeping dance number to be set in the Alps. Everyone is left to wonder how SRK and Chopra's son Aditya will resolve this...I know that, as a fan, I'd like to see them honor his memory with the scene shot true to his vision.
In the BollyWHAT forum today, a member commented that Chopra "died with his boots on". I think that's a perfect sentiment. I replied with lines from the famous Dylan Thomas poem:
Do not go gentle into that good night,
Old age should burn and rave at close of day;
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
Though wise men at their end know dark is right,
Because their words had forked no lightning they
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Good men, the last wave by, crying how bright
Their frail deeds might have danced in a green bay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
Wild men who caught and sang the sun in flight,
And learn, too late, they grieved it on its way,
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Grave men, near death, who see with blinding sight
Blind eyes could blaze like meteors and be gay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
And you, my father, there on the sad height,
Curse, bless, me now with your fierce tears, I pray.
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
Thank you, Yashji, for a life well lived.
Breakfast - Atkins bar
Lunch - grilled salmon
Snack - kiwi berries (too many)
Dinner - cheese and coffee (eewww, I know)
Exercise - competitive TV watching and light housework
His final film, Jab Tak Hai Jaan, had one more scene left to shoot, a trademark sweeping dance number to be set in the Alps. Everyone is left to wonder how SRK and Chopra's son Aditya will resolve this...I know that, as a fan, I'd like to see them honor his memory with the scene shot true to his vision.
In the BollyWHAT forum today, a member commented that Chopra "died with his boots on". I think that's a perfect sentiment. I replied with lines from the famous Dylan Thomas poem:
Do not go gentle into that good night,
Old age should burn and rave at close of day;
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
Though wise men at their end know dark is right,
Because their words had forked no lightning they
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Good men, the last wave by, crying how bright
Their frail deeds might have danced in a green bay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
Wild men who caught and sang the sun in flight,
And learn, too late, they grieved it on its way,
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Grave men, near death, who see with blinding sight
Blind eyes could blaze like meteors and be gay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
And you, my father, there on the sad height,
Curse, bless, me now with your fierce tears, I pray.
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
Thank you, Yashji, for a life well lived.
Breakfast - Atkins bar
Lunch - grilled salmon
Snack - kiwi berries (too many)
Dinner - cheese and coffee (eewww, I know)
Exercise - competitive TV watching and light housework
Saturday, October 20, 2012
The 1AM Movie Review Saturday Marathon, Part two: Koi...Mil Gaya
This movie is getting a review spot in honor of my friend, Janelle. By all accounts, this should be an easy hate on many levels. Its storyline is a weird cross between E.T. , Phenomenon, and Flowers for Algernon. It stars Hrithik Roshan and Preity Zinta (it was a day of amnesty for her), who are not really my favorite Bollywood stars. It has several "are ya kidding me, here?" Special effects moments, and an animatronic alien which doesn't match the technical expertise of newer films or even touch the emotional resonance of Spielberg's little masterpiece. And yet, I just loved this movie. Roshan gives this sweet little performance as Rohit, a mentally and emotionally naïve man who struggles with finding his place in the world, first without the skills needed, and then again with too many. of them. Bollywood icon Rekha gives depth to what could have been a throwaway role as Rohit's mother, and Preity Zinta lays down a pretty solid, if not overwhelming, performance as Nisha. The dancing was phenomenal, but of course one expects nothing less from Rubber Band Man Roshan. Seroiusly, that man seems to have the ability to liquefy his bones at will.
And, of course, none of this really explains why I love it. I can't put my finger on it: there's just something warm and yummy about this movie, like a fudge brownie with a hint of cinnamon. The film somehow comes together to be more than the sum of its parts, and that is a quality I find pretty irresistible.
And, of course, none of this really explains why I love it. I can't put my finger on it: there's just something warm and yummy about this movie, like a fudge brownie with a hint of cinnamon. The film somehow comes together to be more than the sum of its parts, and that is a quality I find pretty irresistible.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)

























