Of course. Because what better way to celebrate your weight loss than going to eat like you've been a contestant on Survivor for 45 days? So, I went to Capital Grille (a fantastic place, by the way) and ate and ate and ate. Smoked salmon appetizer, wedge salad with blue cheese and bacon, steak, lobster, I ate it all; because hey, don't I deserve it? I mean, I didn't have any carbs. So what's the problem if I ate enough calories to run the Boston Marathon?
What the hell is wrong with me? Why would I possibly think that rewarding weight loss with big eating makes any sense whatsoever? Of course it doesn't. And logically, I understand that it doesn't, but that doesn't stop me from talking that crazy talk to myself and going right ahead to eat anyway.
Which is why I can only plan my weight loss one day ahead. Because, healthier body or not, my head is still pretty messed up.
Breakfast - Atkins bar
Lunch - Atkins bar
Snack - mozzarella cheese
Dinner - (God, GOD, I hate typing this) smoked salmon appetizer with capers, onions, and dill aioli; wedge salad with blue cheese dressing, bacon crumbles, and tomato slice; 8oz of tenderloin; 2 lobster tails; sautéed spinach; grilled asparagus
Exercise - of course not
A reminder, and a bit of intentional healthy self-talk:
"This was a terrible choice. Utterly destructive. Feel guilty - you should. But don't hide from it. Shame lives - and dies - in secret. I don't choose shame. I choose to get up, dust off and begin again."
I. Don't. Choose. Shame. Ever. Again.
Period.
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