I'm in the zone. I'm not exactly sure when that happened, but I know that it's here now. Like a black cat in the dark, routine has sneaked up on me. I was reading a couple of my blog posts to some friends today, and I realized as I read that much of the angst that typified my earlier posts is gone now. In the reading of that disquiet, I discovered that I have been bestowed with a rare gift: peace.
Don't misunderstand: much of my life is still a test case in clusterf**kery. I'm working way too many hours, I have no idea if my students are learning what they're supposed to be, my sons are still kind of driving me and their teachers crazy, and I feel perpetually exhausted. But what I also have is the first taste of success, peeking through all of my drama like the tiny flowering Dogwood blossoms that burst through the snow in early February.
Something happened at work today - surprising and a bit unpleasant. However, I find it was a bit of a watershed moment. What I saw in this conflict was, quite simply, this: there, but for the grace of God (and Shahrukh Khan, and Jazzercise), go I. Silly, I know, but the day brought me to a shining moment of clarity: it's not that I can succeed; rather, it's that I am succeeding that fills me with the most profound contentment.
Now, instead of "I will", "I do". Maybe my new mantra... I'll have to try it on for size.
Breakfast - Atkins bar and almonds
Lunch - Atkins bar
Dinner - Karen's faboo chicken salad and 2 string cheeses
Exercise - nope, just on my feet for twelve hours: the exhaustion without the satisfaction. Boo-hiss.
Tomorrow - fingers crossed for Zumba...and Main Hoon Na for dessert, no matter how late it is (JONESING for a dose of SRK).
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