"They" (meaning whoever spouts off platitudes) talk about a lot of things as being "just a number": age is just a number, weight is just a number, clothing size is just a number.
Yeah, ummm.....bullshit.
You say things like that are "just a number" for one of two reasons: one, you are trying to pretend something doesn't matter when it does; or two, you don't have anything to worry about. So, for instance, age is "just a number" when you're 70 looking back at 40, or when you're 25 pretending like you've lived an actual life by then.
In my case, weight is not "just a number": it's a battle. Every 10th of a pound is a fight, a fight I worry about losing every day. Five pounds in a month? Only one pound in the last 16 days? Not only is that a fight, it's freakin' trench warfare. "You take one pound off, you put one pound back, you take one pound off, and you readjust your fat..." It's the Hokey Pokey from HELL. This number can make (or more often recently, break) my attitude for the day. It matters.
My pants size, too, is not "just a number", but a visceral reminder each day of the size of my butt and my progress, or lack thereof. Today, a rockstar moment: I put on a size 18 jeans that fit. Granted, they are probably the largest size 18 ever, but that's exactly my point: the number, it matters. Wearing a pair of pants without a 2 on the label? That's an emotional victory. It matters.
Time will pass, and these numbers, the symbols of this moment, will fade into the blur of the past. But in this moment, each is more than "just a number": they are signposts along the way, guiding me from one day to the next. AND. THEY. MATTER.
Breakfast - latte
Lunch - carnitas salad from Freebirds
Dinner - homemade "unwich"
Exercise - Jazzercise
In a brief Bollywood moment: my husband installed our new Blu-Ray player today, and I re-watched Kabhi Khushi Kabhie Gham, which I love, love, love, even for all its ridiculous emotional pandering and melodrama. Everyone is just so damn gorgeous in this movie. And that scene in the carnival with SRK putting those bangles on Kajol? Weak in the knees, baby, weak in the KNEES.
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