Day 140 – 242: Pouting in the Red Tent

I hate having my period. I'm grouchy, I'm oily, and I feel gross and dirty all the time. I feel both constantly dehydrated and constantly bloated. How is that even possible? On top of all that, I have a fairly miserable sinus headache at the moment. So, I'm driving home feeling both totally plugged up and totally leaky all at the same time, and I'm thinking to myself, "There is no way in hell I am going to work out." I come home, I do homework, I take a nice long shower, and I get ready for bed. I should be cozy, warm, and comfortable. But I feel even more shitty then I did before. Why? Because I didn't work out, dammit.

So, I got up and forced my way through 30 minutes of the BW Booty Shake. I won't lie and say that halfway through, everything became wonderful. It didn't. By the time I was finished, 30 minutes later, I felt cranky, sticky and gross all over again. Plus, when I weighed myself after, I weighed a half a pound more than I had before I started working out. There is just no justice in that whatsoever. But, here it is: it needed doing, the working out. Why? Because I've been slipping down the slope. Not in a big way: I haven't jumped off the ledge, broken my diet completely, or simply stopped working out. And yet, the last week has not been what it should have. I haven't been blogging, which says that I haven't been real with myself. I found myself spending hour after hour in and out of the kitchen yesterday, just trying to find something to shove in my face. I didn't break the diet, but I didn't really follow it, either. I worked out Saturday, but I could have worked out harder, and I could have worked out Sunday. I needed to remind myself today that this thing that I'm doing: it's a choice. It is necessary, but it is optional. I choose to save myself, or to not.

I've been in a slump, and the visit from my little friend certainly doesn't help. So, here I am, glaring at the world from the red tent. My visitor isn't leaving town tomorrow, and I have a good 14-hour day ahead of me. None of that is going to magically get better because I wish it to...but I can. I can be better tomorrow. Will I? I suppose we'll see.