So, weight-loss can be a lonely thing. Everyone talks this really supportive game, with their sweet comments like, "Oh you look so great! You're just melting away!" Okay, really? That's super sweet, but it's not really accurate. If the pounds just melted off, I wouldn't have to be blogging every night, agonizing over every pound, shaking off the frenetic urge to eat french fries, and generally distancing myself from many things that used to give me solace. But, you see, that's not how it works. They don't just melt away, and I do have to do all of those things. And when you want me to skip my workout to go drinking with you, or if you want to know if I want to go eat at the new Italian food restaurant...I know you've just forgotten, but it still makes me feel all alone in my struggle.
People ask me why I'm so obsessed with Bollywood: the movies and the forums and Shah Rukh Khan and the music and the bangles. Well, here's why: It's my new, popular, sexy friend. It doesn't know the old me that sat on the couch, not caring whether I took care of myself or not. It only knows the me that gets up every day to work out. It doesn't gripe at me about work or homework or action plans or continuous improvement: it glows and sizzles and explodes with emotion. It reminds me every day to put on sparkly jewelry and makeup, and to think about what I look like. It lives in the heart of my most secret fantasies of beauty.
It's not that I don't love my real life or my real friends or my real family anymore - I do, very much. And they love me, too...but I'm pretty sure they don't always understand me. Even those that love me will tell me that I'm a little odd, a little OTT, a little too intense. I get it. Sometimes I even overwhelm myself. So I come out here: to this place, exposed to all, yet completely alone, and I talk to you. I vent off enough of what's inside that I don't explode in my real life. I talk of the things I can't seem to say out loud.
I wish you talked back. Sometimes.
Breakfast - 4 eggs with chicken and chiles: you can take the chicken out of the can, but...you know.
Lunch - In and Out Double Double Protein-style
Dinner - celery with blue cheese sauce
Exercise - the BW Booty Shake with extra time working out the steps to Dard-e-Disco, and extra rounds of Zumba Chammak Challo, just because it makes me smile to do it.
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